Ilya's Tale, Part 1

September 19, 2010
By apocalyptigirl BRONZE, Staunton, Virginia
apocalyptigirl BRONZE, Staunton, Virginia
4 articles 2 photos 285 comments

Favorite Quote:
"DON'T PANIC." ~from The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy by Douglas Adams


Ilya jerked awake in panic.


No, no, no, he thought frantically, struggling upright. His leg shifted on the blood-damp moss and he moaned in pain, almost blacking out again. No… He could not fall asleep again. The bandage was soaked through already; if not for his nightmare he might have been already dead.


Death would be easier, certainly—easier than the three miles he had run on a broken leg towards the thin hope of help. But his life had been dearly paid for. To give up now would dishonor the dead…


The forest seemed to lean in around him, dusk casting long shadows that blurred the air. Panting, Ilya lunged for a fallen branch just out of his reach. He grabbed it and dragged into his lap, stripping off twigs and leaves. That done, he tried to snap the branch but, weakened by blood loss, failed. The branch rolled from his hands and he had to sit back against the bole of the tree, closing his eyes as he recovered his strength. Stubbornly, he opened them again and drew his dagger.


The blade sliced skin as often as wood, but Ilya finally had the branch cut into three sections. These he positioned around his broken leg. Next, he pulled off his overshirt and, starting the first cut with the dagger, tore it into strips. He swallowed—now came the difficult part. Carefully, Ilya unwrapped the hasty bandage from his broken leg, plucking out stray threads left behind in his flesh. A glisten of white bone showed through, and he had to fight down nausea. Steeling himself, he lifted his leg and laid the strips of cloth under the three pieces of wood, then lowered his leg on top, trying to be gentle with his shaking hands. He tightened the first cord of the splint with a whimper.


When the rough splint was finished, Ilya fell back against the tree, sweating and shuddering with pain. His breath came in ragged spurts. Had the night grown darker, or was that his failing sight? With a monumental effort, he dragged himself back from the edge of unconsciousness, forcing into his mind the memory of the carnage and the sacrifice. Was he really going to lie down and die, after everything that had happened? He had survived this far, hadn’t he?


Ilya focused his eyes on a leaf, its green spoiled by a smear of his own blood. He let that leaf become the center of his world, a lodestone to steady his drifting mind and lend him strength. The leaf let him ignore the pain. It let him know what he had to do, hard as it would be. After gazing at the leaf until dusk was almost done, Ilya was ready.


He took a deep breath and cast his gaze around, looking for a branch to serve as a staff. The only likely specimen lay several feet away. Gritting his teeth, Ilya rolled over and crawled towards it, splinted leg slowing him as it scraped across the ground. With this staff clutched in both hands, Ilya levered himself to his feet. He waited a moment, swaying on his feet, knuckles white and face bloodless.


And then he smothered the voice inside that cried out I can’t do this! and took the first step.


The author's comments:
First part of a series of fantasy/action-adventure short stories I'm writing, inspired by a thread on the Writer's Workshop forum about how hard it is to write good fantasy. I took this as a challenge, of course, and here is the result. Enjoy!

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This article has 103 comments.


on Oct. 8 2010 at 10:32 pm
lovelycheese GOLD, Cupertino, California
11 articles 0 photos 136 comments

Favorite Quote:
"If you have something to do, then do it. You can't get wasted time back." ~Ben Carson.

this is really good - you totally just blew me away. The description was incredibly vivid and amazing, and my attention didn't fly away. talent right there. great job!

on Oct. 8 2010 at 8:21 am
apocalyptigirl BRONZE, Staunton, Virginia
4 articles 2 photos 285 comments

Favorite Quote:
"DON'T PANIC." ~from The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy by Douglas Adams

AJF: Bahaha. I have never read Of Mice and Men and it sounds like I don't want to. As for this, I never affected to writing literature. It's an action-adventure story posted on a teen writing site, for crying out loud. I made it up b/c I didn't want to submit anything I already had. Oh yeah, and the comparison to Inception was pretty good for where this story finds Ilya....basically, dying in the middle of nowhere til some nice person decides to help him.

 

Ari_lol: I'm sorry I made your leg hurt, lol. :P I'll admit to some cliche-ish-ness, but the fun of fantasy/action-adventure writing is making a cliche plotline, well, fun. :)


on Oct. 7 2010 at 11:11 pm
apocalyptigirl BRONZE, Staunton, Virginia
4 articles 2 photos 285 comments

Favorite Quote:
"DON'T PANIC." ~from The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy by Douglas Adams

I'm glad you liked it. There's a part 2 already on the website and I'm fixing up a part 3 right now. :)

on Oct. 7 2010 at 9:59 pm
LoveSickenedRebel GOLD, Lubbock, Texas
12 articles 0 photos 47 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Why does everyone think I need a man? Look if you find a guy who is decent, good with kids and has respect for women, call me." "It is better to have loved, than to have never loved at all."

Loved this story very much. Your a really good writing and you should definetly continue with this story. Its amazing!

on Oct. 7 2010 at 7:51 pm
A.Bekah.Girl GOLD, Menlo Park, California
17 articles 0 photos 29 comments

lovely.

 


on Oct. 7 2010 at 6:50 pm
apocalyptigirl BRONZE, Staunton, Virginia
4 articles 2 photos 285 comments

Favorite Quote:
"DON'T PANIC." ~from The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy by Douglas Adams

Since you seemed interested, I thought you might like to know that Part 2 is up on the site. :)

on Oct. 6 2010 at 6:00 pm
apocalyptigirl BRONZE, Staunton, Virginia
4 articles 2 photos 285 comments

Favorite Quote:
"DON'T PANIC." ~from The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy by Douglas Adams

Haha, thank you! I'm glad you liked it...part 2 is up now if you want to read on... :)

Diana101 GOLD said...
on Oct. 6 2010 at 5:58 pm
Diana101 GOLD, Grove City, Ohio
13 articles 0 photos 107 comments

Favorite Quote:
"God's delays are not God's denials"

Really amazing story!! I Loved it; it had me hooked on after the first sentence. (There for a while I had to force myself to blink:)

-Diana101

 


Birder SILVER said...
on Oct. 6 2010 at 4:53 pm
Birder SILVER, Waterboro, Maine
6 articles 22 photos 104 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Do unto others as you would have them do unto you, unless they do unto you first, then open a can of unto on to them."

"Obey the ninja."

"What's that? And why does it say snickle tickle?"

Wow......wow.....this is super amazing! Very deep and very nice vocabulary, plus I love the cliff hanger and mystery within it. Keep up the AWESOME work, good luck!

on Oct. 5 2010 at 7:22 pm

Mentalist no wonder you hated this. If you liked Of Mice and Men I'm afraid you will enjoy next to nothing that poeple on this website, or in today's world will ever post. No I didn't cry at the end of that book, nor did I enjoy a single part of it. It was probably the most boring and depressing thing I had ever read--been forced to read mind you.

Where do you expect a story to start? Where did Of Mice and Men start? While Lenny and George were in the middle of their journey to the farm. Where does this story start? Possibly in the middle of this dude's journey to godknowswhere. It doesn't go anywhere YET because it's not supposed to yet. 

Unless you're Romeo, nobody expects you to fall in love with their characters at first sight. When you see Leonardo DiCaprio lying on the beach in the film Inception you don't care about him any more than you care about Ilya, but you wonder what's going on right?

Ok so it still failed to grab your attention because you like stories about retards killing puppies. Nobody's forcing you to read more but you're just another country heard from.

-J7X team


on Oct. 5 2010 at 2:00 pm
apocalyptigirl BRONZE, Staunton, Virginia
4 articles 2 photos 285 comments

Favorite Quote:
"DON'T PANIC." ~from The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy by Douglas Adams

....and part 2 is up in case you want to read it.... *offers feedback cookie*

on Oct. 4 2010 at 10:52 pm
AgnotTheOdd GOLD, Aptos, California
17 articles 0 photos 315 comments

Favorite Quote:
"The reason for your unreasonable treatment of my reason so enfeebles my reason that I have reason to complain of your reason" ~ Miguel de Cervantes Saavedra

Maybe, maybe not; but it was certainly rushed.

on Oct. 4 2010 at 10:48 pm
apocalyptigirl BRONZE, Staunton, Virginia
4 articles 2 photos 285 comments

Favorite Quote:
"DON'T PANIC." ~from The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy by Douglas Adams

Really? I didn't see any other way "out" for civilization than to be destroyed...oh well. Btw Part 2 is on the site now if you wanna see what happens next. :)

on Oct. 4 2010 at 10:46 pm
AgnotTheOdd GOLD, Aptos, California
17 articles 0 photos 315 comments

Favorite Quote:
"The reason for your unreasonable treatment of my reason so enfeebles my reason that I have reason to complain of your reason" ~ Miguel de Cervantes Saavedra

it was pretty good up till the end.  At the end, it seemed as though someone was like, "Hey bradbury, I need this book done pronto" as he pointed to his watch.  And bradbury was all like "Okay, I'll just nuke civilization"

The end


on Oct. 4 2010 at 10:28 pm
apocalyptigirl BRONZE, Staunton, Virginia
4 articles 2 photos 285 comments

Favorite Quote:
"DON'T PANIC." ~from The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy by Douglas Adams

Hahahaha I know what you mean...I loved that book, but his narrator narrates far too poetically for someone who's never read poetry or literature...still a great book. :)

on Oct. 4 2010 at 5:55 pm
apocalyptigirl BRONZE, Staunton, Virginia
4 articles 2 photos 285 comments

Favorite Quote:
"DON'T PANIC." ~from The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy by Douglas Adams

Hey guys----Part 2 is on the site!!! :)

on Oct. 4 2010 at 5:40 pm
wordjunkie BRONZE, Houston, Texas
1 article 0 photos 105 comments

Favorite Quote:
Those who say it can't be done should not interrupt those who are doing it.

I like how you keep refrencing to peoples sacrifices for him, it makes you wonder who he is to be so important. The writing is amazing, but the concept is just the slightest bit cliche...(though that may just be me, I've read a freakish number of books...) The description is good, and you really seem to know what your talking about... my leg kinda hurts now :P

on Oct. 3 2010 at 9:06 pm
apocalyptigirl BRONZE, Staunton, Virginia
4 articles 2 photos 285 comments

Favorite Quote:
"DON'T PANIC." ~from The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy by Douglas Adams

Lol, the cuss words are important. :P He is fit, and adrenaline is a wondrous thing...it's crazy what people can do in the instincts of self-preservation.

on Oct. 3 2010 at 8:17 pm
AgnotTheOdd GOLD, Aptos, California
17 articles 0 photos 315 comments

Favorite Quote:
"The reason for your unreasonable treatment of my reason so enfeebles my reason that I have reason to complain of your reason" ~ Miguel de Cervantes Saavedra

Nothing to do with your story but if any one has read Fahrenheit 451, that had too much imagery.  The guy got drunk on his own metaphors...

on Oct. 3 2010 at 8:16 pm
AgnotTheOdd GOLD, Aptos, California
17 articles 0 photos 315 comments

Favorite Quote:
"The reason for your unreasonable treatment of my reason so enfeebles my reason that I have reason to complain of your reason" ~ Miguel de Cervantes Saavedra

I like the ending a lot.  the writing is pretty good, I liked the details which seemed pretty savvy and realistic.  McGeigering it up...

All I can say is, this guy is really fit.

I met two russian kids at a tennis camp once.  Ilya and Vadim.  Nice kids.  Didn't speak a word of english, save for a few cuss words.  Aw... now youve gone and got me all nostalgic.

j7x





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