The Diamond Fountain: Introduction

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The Diamond Fountain, a source of unimaginable power. The Fountain, as it is sometimes referred to, has the power to grant immortality, if it so chooses. Many people have tried to find it: kings, knights, commoners and thieves, few have found it. The people who have found it, known as the Ageless, simply disappear, reappearing throughout time too warn of forthcoming danger and destruction. Now our story begins, a tale of adventure, horror and greed.





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thepreechyteenager said...
Sept. 3, 2010 at 6:44 pm

Lets see- feedback, feedback, feedback...

The storyline so far seems like it's going to be pretty cliche, but lets see how original you can make it...

I'd start the story with some phrase other than 'the Diamond Foutain.'  I think yuo shoudl describe it first, "magical" "covoted" and "celestial" might be some good words.

Other than that- pretty good.  Not a bad pre-exposition.

Can you comment and rate my story, "Encounter"?  It's a little bit longer,... (more »)

 
mmafan replied...
Sept. 13, 2010 at 4:26 am
thank you very much for commenting. I actually decided to write a different story, it will be up shortly. I will definately check out your story as soon as a i can
 
mmafan said...
Sept. 2, 2010 at 5:50 pm
Please comment with tips on how to improve my writing or telling me whether you like it or not. I know this is not a lot of writing to respond too, but i plan on adding more parts to the story shortly. Thanks again
 
Healing_Angel This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. replied...
Sept. 4, 2010 at 10:20 pm
Great intro to the story. Add more detail to gradually ease the reader into the story. It has potential.  
 
mmafan replied...
Sept. 13, 2010 at 4:27 am
thank you very much for commenting. I actually decided to write a different story, it will be up shortly
 
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