Escape

August 15, 2010
By Stormythrone BRONZE, Anchorage, Alaska
Stormythrone BRONZE, Anchorage, Alaska
4 articles 19 photos 73 comments

Favorite Quote:
Nothing is good or bad. Its thinking that makes it so. -Benjamin Franklin


The Darkness closed in around us as we ran through the murk, leaves rustling and twigs snapping under our feet. Every snap was like a gunshot, every rustle, like a dagger sealing our fate. They were after us, and wouldn’t cease until they had us. We were Birds to them, birds that were flying away from a flock of vultures.
Our lungs were on fire, our legs crying out for rest. No. We could not rest. Not on our lives. We were going to make it through this. Or rather, if we didn’t make it through this, nothing good could come from it. Something thudded behind me, and I look back to see her on the ground. Tear lines streaked her cheeks, and it was obvious that it had just now occurred to her. Both of us couldn’t make it out of here. No. This could not be happening. Not like this. Not now. We had done too much to have it end here. We have sacrificed too much to give in now. I was now faced with a deadly decision. What would be the right thing to do? Sacrifice myself for them? That would be the right decision, but the right one isn’t always the easiest to make.
Hounds howled in the distance and my heart dropped to my stomach. I couldn’t out run a dog, let alone my bloody cat Tinker-bell. Without one last look at her, I ran. My decision was stupid and cowardly, it disgusted me. I will never forgive myself for it as long as I live.
My legs thudded against the ground, kicking up dirty and everything else in my way. I didn’t care how much sound I made now. I only cared about getting away. One thought rattled me to no end as I ran like a wild banshee that day. What will I tell them? I cannot lie. If I lied, they would know. Yet, somehow, I cannot tell them the truth. Oh god. What in god’s name and I going to do. I sure have landed myself in a hole this time, and all I’m doing is digging until I hit the other side.
Run. Run away from it all my mind told me, yet I could not. My heart told me differently. If I ran, they would hurt her far worse than that of which they would do to me. Tears flooded my eyes and I opened them wider to make sure they wouldn’t spill. I couldn't do this. Stopping in my tracks, I say a silent prayer, before running back to her.
The dogs couldn’t have reached her by now. I sprinted back, using every ounce of energy I had left trying not to trip over branches and run into trees. Soon, I found myself at her side helping her to her feet. I told her to go, to get out of here. She hesitated, but took off like I had not five minutes ago. “Good-bye Kiir.” I said, with my last breath, before the dogs soon reached me and so did they. A gun fired and pain ripped through my chest. Once, Twice, Three times. Run…


The author's comments:
I wrote this in a creative writing class. no idea if I should continue it.

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This article has 8 comments.


on Sep. 21 2010 at 7:13 pm
kao-chanu SILVER, Central, Utah
7 articles 1 photo 51 comments
I really liked this, and i thought it was quite organized unlike some of the people who commented. You made a few spelling errors and this; I couldn’t out run a dog, let alone my bloody cat Tinker-bell. i think you meant; I couldn't out run my cat, let alone a dog. it would make more sense that way. anyway i give it a 5 because, with some editing, it could be in the mag :)

on Sep. 20 2010 at 10:11 pm
AgnotTheOdd GOLD, Aptos, California
17 articles 0 photos 315 comments

Favorite Quote:
"The reason for your unreasonable treatment of my reason so enfeebles my reason that I have reason to complain of your reason" ~ Miguel de Cervantes Saavedra

Interesting thought process.  It felt a little cluttered to me though.  And pretty fast paced.

J7X


on Sep. 4 2010 at 4:26 am
Stormythrone BRONZE, Anchorage, Alaska
4 articles 19 photos 73 comments

Favorite Quote:
Nothing is good or bad. Its thinking that makes it so. -Benjamin Franklin

Thank you all for the reviews.
Ive decided that, with this peice, I will end it here. I honestly have no idea how to continue without wrecking it, so ill be staying in the safe zone with it. Thanks again!

on Aug. 19 2010 at 10:41 am
ForeverFelix PLATINUM, Catasauqua, Pennsylvania
30 articles 2 photos 207 comments

Favorite Quote:
Daydreams can be worse than nightmares, but that never stops me.

Continuing this would be difficult...it's excellent ending just where it is, but if you could come up with a great way to make this all flow together with a continuation, it'd be a great story! Maybe make this a prologue? Keep writing xD

Amiee said...
on Aug. 19 2010 at 2:36 am

ok, let me rephrase this

i'm saying that it would do okay for a continued story but i like it as a short story too, like as in ending it here. it gives a scent of mystery and powerful meaning if you just end it here, but since i don't know what you will write when you continue, i can't say continuing will be worse then just stopping


on Aug. 19 2010 at 1:10 am
Healing_Angel SILVER, Sydney, Other
8 articles 2 photos 513 comments

Favorite Quote:
Live for today, not for tomorrow

WOW!! You should definatly continue this!!

on Aug. 18 2010 at 2:08 pm
ArtemisOwlfeather SILVER, South Pasadena, California
5 articles 1 photo 23 comments

Favorite Quote:
"I am evil. I am evil. I am evil. I do not bounce. I am evil."

Wow! This is exciting, full of emotion, powerful... Continue it! Don't listen to Aimee! She slept with your cousin, y'know!

Amiee said...
on Aug. 17 2010 at 10:02 pm
wow, pretty powerful and totally worth reading, but my opinion, don't continue it, the story might start to sound boring if you did...my opinion :D 




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