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Death of Santa Claus
Everyone in the world knows the story of Santa Clause. Every Christmas he leaves the North Pole on a journey around the world; delivering toys to all children. The whole month of December he is busy asking the children “What would you like for Christmas?” When he finishes he checks his list and crosses off naughty kids, then he sends the list to his elves to make the toys. Finally, on Christmas Eve Santa looks his list over one last time before flying away into the frostbitten sky. He slithers down each and every chimney, places the presents neatly under the Christmas trees. Then on his way out he would grab the scrumptious milk and cookies, which the wonderful little children had left him. But, this year wouldn’t be the same. This year Santa began to realize they weren’t such “wonderful” children.
House after house, Santa could not believe it, no one had left milk or cookies! After leaving the house of Nick Van Watermeulen, a small but devastating earthquake began traveling through his stomach and he became light headed. It almost caused him to hurtle into the next house on his list. Narrowly escaping a head on collision, Santa and his sleigh violently crash into an icy pillow of snow. Santa was knocked out colder than the frozen snot dangling from his nose. His elf companion, Carl, quickly swept the snow from the sleigh and flew Santa to the nearest food source. They came to a stop at a McDonald’s in a really small town. They ordered a night’s supply of food, yet Santa was in no condition to finish delivering toys. So, Carl stepped up to the challenge. They finished the night with minor difficulties.
Tenderly, they floated down to the runway and parked the sleigh. Santa dragged himself to his bedroom and slammed the door shut with such force, the window next to it shattered. He stayed awake all night devising ways to get back at the careless little deviants called children. Barely keeping his eyes open, Santa had finally come up with something around three in the morning. He checked over it twice then grimaced so fiercely the grim reaper would have cowered in fear. The tradition of Santa Clause changed that night, as did Santa himself. He was no longer a jolly happy man. He had become a wicked, corrupt, maniacal brute.
He counted the days until Christmas and was prepared a week early. He did everything the same as usual. He went to shopping centers around the world, asking kids, “What would you like for Christmas?” he got his list ready, checked it twice, then sent it off to his elves. He prepped his sleigh and waited for the seemingly long week to be over. He rehearsed to himself how his plan would work, he would start out as usual, go to a couple towns and cities, if they did not give him respect, his plan would go into action. Those places would be lucky… just for this year.
Santa had already been to over half of the “lucky” houses and things weren’t looking so great. A house every once in a while would have milk and cookies for him but, the majority did not. Any house that did went on a special list so they would not face Santa’s wrath as long as they continued to leave Santa thanks. He finished with the “lucky” houses and had a decision… his plan was to commence at the next house!
Santa was hopping mad as he crept down the chimney of Billy and George Noname’s house. Just to be sure he checked for cookies but, there were none. Infuriated, Santa exploded with anger, hurling a nearby table into a wall. The two boys awoke and scurried like startled mice down the stairs to see what all the ruckus had been. They stood wide eyed in disbelief as Santa Clause smashed their Christmas tree and loaded their presents into his sack! Santa then moved on to the kitchen. He ripped apart all the cupboards and the refrigerator, inhaling all the food. On his way out he gave Billy and George a look that would shatter glass and said, “Merry Christmas boys.” He flew away, some what gallantly as he continued on his evil conquest to devour all the food in the world.
He had almost made it half way around the world when his reindeer began to fly lower. Santa’s weight was beginning to pull them down. Gaining speed, faster and faster they plummeted to the ground. The reindeer one by one became exhausted. They were able to land safely in a small forest outside the next town. He would have to do the rest of the world on ground; instead he then called Mrs. Clause to come pick him up.
She gave him a new sleigh with ten new reindeer which, appeared to be on steroids with oversized antlers and evil red eyes. The reindeer alone could hold five times more weight than the old sleigh. The new sleigh could also hold five times more and, for back up, a jet engine was concealed within it. After that Santa and Carl finished the night with no problems at all and began their long journey home.
Santa arrived back at the North Pole, satisfied with what he’d done. He looked forward to next year. Gracefully he went to his room and went to bed; He slept like a hibernating bear for two days.
Elsewhere Billy and George began planning to stop the not so jolly red menace. They made a list of any and all ideas they could think of. All bad ideas were removed and what remained was organized from best to worst. They couldn’t decide for sure what to go with and argued over it for hours until…
”Mentos and Coke,” George blurts,”That’s the solution!”
So they decided to go with Mentos and Coke disguised as milk and cookies. Impatiently, they awaited Christmas’s arrival.
Christmas finally comes around again and Billy and George are prepared. They set everything up early in the morning, as to be sure everything was ready. Then, they waited. Back at the North Pole Santa too, was preparing for the big night little did he know a trap awaited his arrival.
He leaves and begins his horrible scheme. He begins with the “lucky” houses; they get hit hardest out of any other houses this year. He left them as if a tornado had come through. After that he continued his plan out on the rest of the world until he arrived at the Noname’s house.
To his surprise in the middle of the room sat milk and cookies upon a small round table. He ate all of what he thought were “cookies” and washed them down with the “milk.” He then continued on to ransack the kitchen. In the middle of it all he had a brief moment of Déjà vu as an earthquake from years past returns to his stomach only this time it was more harsh. Moments later…
KABOOM! Santa exploded! Billy and George watched in amazement as the shock wave traveled towards them. Santa burst through the roof of the house along with Billy and George not far behind. When Santa saw them he muttered his final words, “The whole world is on my naughty list!” Billy and George landed with a thud in the grassy abyss where their house used to sit. They lay watching as the reindeer catch Santa and fly away into foggy sky.
The Santa that died that night was not missed, the world despised him. The Santa that died three years earlier on Christmas; the Santa that died when the world didn’t give back to him what he deserved, that Santa is the one that will be missed greatly. The entire world learned a lesson that night: it truly is better to give than to receive.