The Morning and a Fugitive | Teen Ink

The Morning and a Fugitive

June 4, 2010
By Imaginedangerous PLATINUM, Riverton, Utah
Imaginedangerous PLATINUM, Riverton, Utah
31 articles 0 photos 404 comments

April 27, 2110

It’s always hard to wake up when you’re cold, still tired, and anticipating a long and tough day. It gets even worse when you realize there’s a boot on your chest and a gun pointed in your face.

I blinked, trying to bring my world back together. I’d fallen asleep last night in the middle of a field with tall grass, completely hidden. I was still there, good, and it was predawn- I saw dew on the grass and a glowing sky. I was flat on my back.

There was only one, and I couldn’t see a face very well. The silhouette was feminine, and she was dressed entirely in black. Obviously not the authorities, with a single person, no uniform, and a non-regulation weapon.

At that point I realized that the reason for this was she’d stolen my gun. I shifted slightly and felt my hip was unusually light. There was a second gun in her holster.

“Hey,” she said, friendly enough. She bent over a little more and I got a good look at her face. Green eyes, brown hair like wood varnish, round chin.

Crud. Even though I was horizontal, my stomach somehow managed to drop. It was Andra. Why me? Why her?

“Hey,” I sighed back.

“You’re a hard guy to find, you know that?” she continued conversationally.

“Thanks. I try.”

She cocked her head. “You don’t seem very happy to see me, you know.”

“You’re standing on me. And you took my gun.”

She removed her foot but kept a firm hold on the weapon, gesturing upward. I stood slowly, keeping my hands where she could see them. She kept talking. “So how’ve things been? I haven’t seen for you a while.”

Like she didn’t know what I’d been up to. It was spelled out perfectly on every wanted poster in the country. Treason. “No, it’s been a very long time,” I said coolly. “Things changed. How long have you been after me? Did you just wake up one day and think, ‘Hmm, fratricide sounds like fun’?”

“It’s not fratricide unless I kill you,” she replied, “and I won’t. I need you alive.”

“You won’t do it, but someone else will. The penalty for organizing a rebellion is death and you know it.”

She shrugged. “Sorry. It’s just a job.”

“I’m sure that will make me feel better at the execution,” I answered sarcastically.

She shrugged again and changed the subject. “To answer your question, I only picked up your case last week. I didn’t want to get involved, really.”

I folded my arms. “And yet here you are.”

“Well, some investigator was digging around in your hospital birth records and realized we were related,” she said. “They figured that I’d be able to track you down. Obviously, they were right, since none the of the authorities have any idea where you are and they’ve been looking for a month.”

She knew how my mind worked. That was her advantage.

I sighed, looking her in the eye, and took a small step closer. “Andra...”

She didn’t look sorry. “It’s not going to work. Don’t get all emotional on me.”

But that wasn’t my intention. I held her gaze for another moment until my fist connected solidly with the side of her head.

It took her by surprise, that much was apparent by the fact I even managed to touch her at all. She stumbled slightly and I took the opportunity to grab for my gun- but suddenly it wasn’t where I expected, it was smacking me upside the head. My ears rang.

I blinked, trying to shake the blow off, punched her in the gut, and heard the breath rush out. But as she tried to breathe in, she spun around, bringing up her knee right into my groin. I yelped. Before I could recover, she kicked my legs out from under me and I hit the ground hard.

Suddenly, she was on top of me, pinning my arms with her knees. But I was bigger, I could flip her off. And I started to, until I found the gun pressed up against my Adam’s apple. I froze.

“Try that again and I’ll shoot,” she said, breathing hard.

I didn’t answer. She got up into a crouch next to me, still with the weapon trained on me. “Roll over.”

I did obediently, face in the dirt. She cuffed my hands behind my back. “I thought you were supposed to take me in alive,” I said finally.

“I don’t have to shoot you fatally,” she answered. “Just enough to keep you from running.”

She pulled out a communicator, checked the screen, and pushed a button or two. “Authorities should be here in four or five minutes,” she told me, putting it away.

“What happened, Andra?” I asked, rolling over and pulling myself upright (with some difficulty). “You used to be such a nice girl.”

She looked me up and down, half a smile on her lips. “Sorry.”

I close my eyes, feeling the beginnings of fear. In the distance, I heard a siren. I was caught. “No. You’re not.”

“You’re right,” my sister said. “I’m not.”


The author's comments:
I really do love my siblings... but then again, none of them have ever done this to me.

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JOIN THE DISCUSSION

This article has 15 comments.


on Sep. 21 2012 at 12:36 pm
LittleFlutiePie GOLD, Greeneville, Tennessee
10 articles 0 photos 25 comments

Favorite Quote:
I didn't build the wall to keep people out; I built it to see who cared enough to climb over it.

I'll check them out

on Sep. 20 2012 at 6:12 pm
Imaginedangerous PLATINUM, Riverton, Utah
31 articles 0 photos 404 comments
Thanks. I actually wrote two other stories as sequels to this one- they're posted under the titles 'The Morning and a Victim' and 'The Morning and a Sibling'.

on Sep. 20 2012 at 1:45 pm
LittleFlutiePie GOLD, Greeneville, Tennessee
10 articles 0 photos 25 comments

Favorite Quote:
I didn't build the wall to keep people out; I built it to see who cared enough to climb over it.

I really liked this :) a bit more detail would really help make it pop, and it's a great start to a possibly longer article (???) haha :)

on Mar. 6 2012 at 7:56 pm
TheSihlouettedMan BRONZE, Hinckley, Ohio
2 articles 0 photos 32 comments

Favorite Quote:
"There is something more to the knowledge that allows us to see. Some rely on logic to be their eyes. Others believe they know what logic is. But to be completely faithful in logic, you must someday realize that it points to the incomprehensible."

Hello, I've read a bit of your work and I truly loved it. I was wondering if you would read some of my stories. It would really please me to have a writer of your skill comment on my work.

on Jan. 24 2012 at 7:55 pm
__horizon133 PLATINUM, Portage, Michigan
26 articles 0 photos 232 comments

Favorite Quote:
"laugh, and the world laughs with you. laugh hysterically, and for no apparent reason, and they will leave you alone." anonymous

ah. yes, me too. my brother has a fondness for glass splinters in his carpeting.

on Jan. 23 2012 at 4:41 pm
Imaginedangerous PLATINUM, Riverton, Utah
31 articles 0 photos 404 comments
No, they're two different characters. I hate losing to my siblings too- I'm the oldest in my family. :)

on Jan. 22 2012 at 7:29 pm
__horizon133 PLATINUM, Portage, Michigan
26 articles 0 photos 232 comments

Favorite Quote:
"laugh, and the world laughs with you. laugh hysterically, and for no apparent reason, and they will leave you alone." anonymous

is this the same main character as the one in Amazon Hunt? well done, as usual. I could see my brother pulling that on me if i ever committed treason. Of course, i would shot his worthless head off--sorry. just kidding. I hate it when younger sybilings get the better of older ones.

on Oct. 17 2010 at 7:02 pm
Rainbowmadhatter, Reno, Nevada
0 articles 0 photos 81 comments

good job

i really liked it you should write more...defently

 


on Sep. 14 2010 at 11:09 pm
apocalyptigirl BRONZE, Staunton, Virginia
4 articles 2 photos 285 comments

Favorite Quote:
"DON'T PANIC." ~from The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy by Douglas Adams

Hey, this was great! Really liked it, original premise. When he saw Andra I thought, "Oh no, here goes another love story..." but they turned out to be siblings and it was really original! Kudos to you! If I'm allowed to do editing on already-published stories, I'd take out the dialogue tag "I answered sarcastically" after he says that will make him feel better at the execution. It's funny on its own, and would be funnier if you didn't have the tag slowing down/dum.b.ing down the reader's reaction.

on Jul. 21 2010 at 3:41 pm
Imaginedangerous PLATINUM, Riverton, Utah
31 articles 0 photos 404 comments
Part three is now also on the site- it's called 'The Morning and a Sibling'.

on Jul. 15 2010 at 12:47 pm
Imaginedangerous PLATINUM, Riverton, Utah
31 articles 0 photos 404 comments
Just a heads up- part two has been published on the site. The title is 'The Morning and a Victim'.

bobun16 SILVER said...
on Jul. 13 2010 at 11:49 pm
bobun16 SILVER, Mesa, Arizona
7 articles 0 photos 60 comments

Favorite Quote:
is this a trick question or what?-Calvin and Hobbes

I love it! Write more! Please! And if you wouldn't mind, could your ead some of my work too? My fiction stuff is woefully underread and I'd like some feedback...

DaisyC. said...
on Jun. 28 2010 at 9:16 am
DaisyC., North Bennington, Vermont
0 articles 0 photos 112 comments
I REALLY liked this! I think it would make a great beggining to a novel if you wanted to take it farther. I don't know why but I always like action adventure better when it takes place in the future, maybe becuase you never know exactley what the character is fighting or running from. Great work!!

on Jun. 22 2010 at 3:17 pm
Still_Waters26 SILVER, Ladysmith, Wisconsin
6 articles 0 photos 88 comments

Favorite Quote:
"We few, we happy few/we band of brothers/For he to-day that sheds his blood with me/Shall be my brother"
-Shakespeare, "Henry V"

Ha ha this reminds me of my sister!!  Good job, I just think it'd be a little more realistic if the sister didn't end up winning and he had to knock her out and leave her even though he inwardly didn't want to.

on Jun. 15 2010 at 3:10 pm

Simon Cowel feedback--you asked for it!

This is a good action story. It's fast-paced, the dialogue is good and not in any way cheesy, and the narration is solid as well. It's well done, and I liked it, but there were things that I would do with it to make it not necessarily better, but more agreeable to my personal tastes in action/adventure stories.

Don't get me wrong, nothing was bad about the story at all. It was good, but I feel like if you added a little more spice to it it would be better--but I'm a fan of spice and maybe you're not and if that's the case don't listen to me unless you're trying to cator to my auidience.

What I mean by spice is, primarily bits of exciting humor. Little hints of hyperboles, metaphors, similies, etc. in the narration to give your protagonist a more confident, sarcastic voice (kind of like James Bond I guess but not sauve) would've been nice.  But if you are going to add some figurative language, don't over do it, and don't use something that you don't like or that your character wouldn't say. Basically make sure you don't mess up the great work you already have.

Other than that, I hope this isn't the end of the story. It's really good--I mean an excellent start to a novel, or a novella or something longer. Something that will develope more. If you don't like the idea of writing a novel, maybe it's an episodic series of short stories featuring this character and his sister or wherever you want to go with it. I'm just throwing ideas at you hoping that it will inspire you to write more if you haven't already. This story--whether by itself or part of something bigger--is like just starting to get the reader interested. It doesn't have an ending yet. It makes the reader very interested to know at least where the rest of the story is going and what's going to happen next, and the more I try to imagine where it might be going the more dying I am to know lol. So keep writing! I want to see where you're going with this.