My Journey

May 21, 2010
By FireWhiskey SILVER, Durango, Colorado
FireWhiskey SILVER, Durango, Colorado
9 articles 0 photos 11 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Dreams are only Dreams, unless you do something about them, than they're life"
~By me


I encase myself in my own world when I come here. I no longer care what they think. Why should I? They’ve never noticed before.

My tall, lanky body jolts back and forth as I sway from side to side. The desk does not hold me well. The teacher drones on and on. I lapse into another daydream about rock-climbing, only to be awakened by the end-of-day bell.
“Miss Panvora, please stay after class,” Mr. Jet’s long, bony fingers tap the desk as he scowls with a lengthy stare. I shrink down in my chair as the other kids file out of the room. I’ve never liked talking to people. Once in the fifth grade I went two weeks without talking. Never even uttered a sound. “Miss Panvora, your failing this class again. Is everything going alright? What about at home? Are things ok there?”
How do I answer that? The truth? My mom has mysteriously disappeared off the face of the planet and my dad’s been dead for five years with no one knowing. That I’m left with my three year old brother who was smuggled from Mexico when he was only two. That I’m the only legal citizen in my family. That each day I wonder if I’ll make it to the next? The only relief comes from climbing in the mountains with my friend Jay.
“Everything’s fine,” I mutter, barely audible above the crowd in the hall all to anxious to get home.
“Are you sure?” Mr. Jet’s face looks genuinely worried. I open my mouth to tell the truth but no words are prepared to. Sometimes I think I’ve lived a lie so long that when comes time for the truth, only the lie exists. I am saved from answering by his little blue flip phone ringing some cheesy song from the 60’s. He gives me a quick look. “Stay.”
I could hear outside the classroom. It echoed eerie footsteps of a single person while I’m left alone in my chair.
16. I’m only 16. Why do I have to deal with this? If Mr. Jet finds out what’s going on, my brother might be deported. I could never let that happen to Miguel. We’ve worked to hard-
“Ok. Miss Panvora. There’s something you’re not telling me. Look. You have a week left until summer. After that I don’t think I’ll be able to help you.” So he would give up on me? My voice suddenly filled with rage and my blood boiled deep in my veins.
“Than give up on me! Everyone else has!” I tried to make a beeline for the door but his hand grabbed my shoulder and pulled me back. My voice was low and full of hate. “You couldn’t help me if you even tried! Even if you wanted to help you wouldn’t dare. Nobody knows what’s going on with me. Nobody cares!”
“That’s what you think is it? If you think that’s even remotely close to being true look me in the eyes and tell me that. Than you can go.” I couldn’t bring myself to even turn around. My long dark hair was tied away from my face and it jumped up and down as I jolted from the room.
Trent was standing outside the door. His short blond figure followed me down the stairs. “F. you, you wet back!” he shouted as he grabbed at my wrists. My books fell loudly to the ground.


The author's comments:
This peace was inspired by the recent visit of Will Hobbs. This is all I have so far but I really learned a lot from him and I hope this will turn into a good book. I still need a lot of character development, but I will have a lot more soon.

Similar Articles

JOIN THE DISCUSSION

This article has 4 comments.


mirrorturtle said...
on Jun. 12 2010 at 8:44 pm
I really like what you had so far. The worst things I noticed were a couple of grammatical errors and some sentences that didn't make sense. You also need to figure out the teacher. First he's looking at her with a scowl and then he's all concerned. Make up your mind if he's a good guy or a bad guy. It seems like it has the potential to be a really good story if you get around to finishing it. So thanks for the good read.

on May. 30 2010 at 9:19 pm
silver_moonlit10 PLATINUM, Ashburn, Virginia
45 articles 0 photos 36 comments
It's good, but it's unfinished.  What happened?  Did she get help or not?  Did her brother get deported?  Answer these questions.

TheJust ELITE said...
on May. 30 2010 at 4:37 pm
TheJust ELITE, Ellenton, Florida
254 articles 202 photos 945 comments

Favorite Quote:
"I feel that a hero is somebody who will stand up for their values and what they believe in and that can take any form. People that have values and have thought them through rather than those who just do what they’re told."-Skandar Keynes

"When it’

To be honest, I don't see how Trent fits in or what he's doing and I think the language is unneeded. But very good story.

on May. 27 2010 at 6:57 pm
FireWhiskey SILVER, Durango, Colorado
9 articles 0 photos 11 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Dreams are only Dreams, unless you do something about them, than they're life"
~By me

I need your guy's comments to see how to get better. Please post.


SciArc

MacMillan Books

Aspiring Writer? Take Our Online Course!