Nicholas Vanstavenhood

April 30, 2010
By Dylan Campbell BRONZE, Elkhorn, Wisconsin
Dylan Campbell BRONZE, Elkhorn, Wisconsin
2 articles 0 photos 0 comments

Cats have been banned from sale and the government is hunting all the cats still left alive. Nicholas, the leader of the CTC, (Cat Trade Corporation) was sitting in his castle watching South Park, when associates at the CTC called him to tell him he is needed to spy on Hank, the leader of CTP, (Cat Trade Prevention). Nicholas climbs on his moped and drives to Hank’s house and waits outside for Hank to get home. Hank pulls in the driveway and walks inside. Nicholas sneaks in and finds out that Hank is in the bathroom. So, he grabs Hank’s phone and checks the messages. He finds out that Hank knows about the big cat trade through one of his messages. Nicholas knows Hank must be eliminated or the trade will be compromised. He hops on his moped and drives back to his castle, he needs to get some sleep he’s been awake for two days straight.
The next day he calls his butler and tells him to grab the M21 EBR and the Desert Eagle. He gets in his truck and drives back to Hank’s house. He finds a secluded location on some rocks above Hank’s house and waits for him to come out. Hank walks outside and Nicholas shoots him with the M21 EBR it kills him instantly. He disposes of Hank’s body but he must hurry or he’s going to be late for the cat trade. He sprints back to his truck and drives to the deserted warehouse they’re doing the trade at. He arrives at the warehouse and the truck full of cats is already there waiting.
Nicholas meets the seller and they decide on a deal. He sells Nicholas the truck full of cats for three million dollars! Then he drives the cats to Florida where they will be shipped to the Black Market to sell to loving and caring families. Nicholas starts to drive back home from Florida but when he was halfway there he noticed a beeping sound coming from somewhere on the truck. He stops and gets out and checks the bottom of the truck and there’s a bomb strapped to the bottom! He sees the timer on the bomb and it shows 5 seconds. He rolls backwards into the ditch on the side of the road and just barely survives the explosion. Another person that was on the road saw the explosion and called the police right away. The police found Nicholas unconscious in the ditch and they find out he’s an illegal cat trader. They get him some medical attention and he seems to be fine, he is taken to the police station and is charged with selling and buying cats. He is sent to jail for life, but he is still a hero. He saved the cat species.

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This article has 1 comment.

on May. 11 2010 at 9:20 am
JoetheBlanc GOLD, Roswell, Georgia
14 articles 0 photos 37 comments

Favorite Quote:
"the shadow proves the sunshine!"

This is a very odd storyline, i must say. this doesn't mean i don't like it, it's just a bit weird. you need to "tell" rather than "show" us the story. this means that, rather than just telling us what happens, with no subtleties, rather describe to us the story.

you give a narrative, not a story. i find it difficult to stay interested, since there's no background at all. it's just statement after statement, almost like a newsreel, or a really boring comic book. it's just statement after statement, with no exclamations, or description.

"the butler tells him to grab the M21 EBR and the Desert Eagle..." instead of just telling us this outright, with no mystery at all, tell us rather,

"the butler tells him to grab his two most favored weapons: his M21 EBR, complete with a full clip and silencer, and his Desert Eagle, glinting steel and extra clips..."

now, please, i am NOT telling you to do this, neither am i telling you to copy me. but do you see that extra detail? that what i'd want to see. more describing. give us the intel!

And, by all means, keep creating. this is an interesting story, granted a little odd, and i'd like to see you expand on this idea.

Great job, Dylan!


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