Daybreak: Chapter One

February 12, 2010
By Anonymous

It is a typical Monday morning. Well, as typical as possible for me, June Kimble. I am the kind of girl who, though not completely ugly, can never be considered really pretty. Yet, I couldn't be called plain, so I'm just sort of different. I wonder if your daily enviroment affected the way you look. Its not supposed to; three years of Pre-AP Science has taught me that, but still. I grew up in a different kind of enviroment than most kids, so maybe I just grew up looking different too. Either way, I walked through the halls of Harper Lee Middle School mostly unnoticed, except for some of the teachers that stopped to greet me, or smile at me warmly. Okay, I really don't want to be a mean person or anything, but I seriously hate that. I mean, what could scream "loser" more than teachers greeting you each morning? At our middle school of over 1000 students, having a teacher even remember your name is quite an accomplishment. Or a total nightmare, depending on how you looked at it. Anyway, I walked through the halls at a brisk, even pace, keeping my eyes down and trying not to attract attention. There were a few snickers as I passed, but I couldn't be sure whether they were about me or if it was just my paranoia. Probably the latter, but you never know. It seems there's more and more to make fun of me for these days.

To fully understand my rather tragic social life, you'd have to look a few steps further than my suppressive parents. I wasn't always like this, and I guess it still isn't exactly like how people think it is now. The parents I could deal with up to a point, and I still dealt with them. No, you must look further, into the epitome of middle school life. It all started, of course, with a guy. All of these things start with a guy in middle school. There wasn't anything else worth starting anything over, at least not to us. Anyway, it was 7th grade. I was 13, naive, crazy, and totally in love. My then best friend, Catherine "Cate" Kinley, was also 13, and also naive and crazy. Not in love though. There was never enough room in her heart for another person, and I was only beginning to realize that. We were inseparable though, and even though we only had 2 classes together, our friendship was even stronger than the first time I met her, in 6th grade. One class, in particular, was the turning point of my life. Our lives. It was orchestra, and it wasn't like anything anyone could ever imagine unless you were in it. We were almost like a secret society; part of it was playing music but most of it was just like hanging out; a free class to talk to friends. It was there, that year, that I met Daniel. I'd seen him several times in 6th grade, from afar, but this was the first year that I actually had a chance to get to know him and talk to him a little. He was an eighth grader that year; tall and handsome, smart and funny. He wasn't with the popular crowd, but he fit in with just about everyone. He had a jokingly violent personality, but it was the kind that you could tell was fake; a humorous facade; yet it was the way he wanted it. People knew he was a nice guy, but it was refreshingly entertaining to hear him talk about how much he wanted to destroy the world and stuff. I was an average, rather dorky little 7th grader, but I ended up as his orchestra stand partner, which meant I had to sit next to him for the duration of the year. Needless to say, I was thrilled, but I was also scared. What could I possibly say to him to make him take me seriously, to even be friends or maybe more with him? As I said, I was silly, and very, very naive. I decided to act like a horribly mean, violent person. To what? Impress him? I have no idea, yet at the time it seemed so right. It got his attention, but not the way I wanted. I became the annoying 7th grader he couldn't get rid of, always at his heels threatening and taunting him. Yet there were times when he was nice to me, and I held on to those times like a life presever, ignoring everythin else. At the time it may not have occured to me, but I must have hurt him deeply with my insults. And still, I was completely and utterly falling for him, and not just middle-school-puppy-love-huge-crush kind of falling. It was love, the real kind, and I was inevitably in way too deep. They say teenagers don't understand true love, they say middle schoolers can't possibly feel that much, but I knew what I felt and I knew that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with him. But what could I do? Confront him? That was suicide at Harper Lee. Not let him know? But I knew he was moving in the fall, and I would never see him again. I ended up taking the worst choice, but it seemed to be the only choice, even now. I lived it up, having as much fun as I could that year, talking to Daniel and growing closer to my friends, all the while knowing that when the last day of school came, I would be altered forever. Well, it came, and it was as horrible as I imagined it, maybe worse. I could feel the exact point where the ragged knife of losing him cute precisely into my heart, leaving me broken for a long time.
I grew apart from my friends the following year, and Cate, who's parents used to be almost as strict as mine, became my worst enemy. There was always a lot of competition between us, since we had so much in common, but now it seemed one-sided. Eighth grade was a battle lost before it even begun, and I didn't really care to fight in the first place. I guess you could call it depression, but that seems to harsh a word. It was more like resignition, since I knew what was going to happen when he left. I lived each day trying to survive, and it was a few months in to the year when Cate officially broke off with me. She was always prettier than me, but her similar "no nothing" mom and dad prevented her from doing much with her looks. But this year, her parents had finally "seen the light", and they let loose with her. She got everything she wanted, yet she wanted more. There was always an ambitious streak about her, something I had known from the beginning yet failed to understand. She was always wanting to control things, and now, with unlimited resources to do so, she set out to take over the school. But before beginning, she sought out her only competitor: me. It wasn't much of a fight, I had no advantages. I was considered charismatic, but I couldn't compete with her manipulative ways. She already controlled most of our friends, and they sided with her. Her new, "cooler" friends complicated things for me, as well. In the end, I lost with good grace, but the rumors flew and suddenly I was a pariah. And that brings me to where I am now.

The author's comments:
Chapter One, stay tuned for chapter two!

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