All Nonfiction Bullying Books Academic Author Interviews Celebrity interviews College Articles College Essays Educator of the Year Heroes Interviews Memoir Personal Experience Sports Travel & CultureAll Opinions Bullying Current Events / Politics Discrimination Drugs / Alcohol / Smoking Entertainment / Celebrities Environment Love / Relationships Movies / Music / TV Pop Culture / Trends School / College Social Issues / Civics Spirituality / Religion Sports / Hobbies
- Summer Guide
- College Guide
- Author Interviews
- Celebrity interviews
- College Articles
- College Essays
- Educator of the Year
- Personal Experience
- Travel & Culture
- Current Events / Politics
- Drugs / Alcohol / Smoking
- Entertainment / Celebrities
- Love / Relationships
- Movies / Music / TV
- Pop Culture / Trends
- School / College
- Social Issues / Civics
- Spirituality / Religion
- Sports / Hobbies
- Community Service
- Letters to the Editor
- Pride & Prejudice
- What Matters
The Creation of the Tree of Life
In a lovely old-growth forest in Frostproof, Florida, a man lived by the name of Roger. Roger was very happy, and enjoyed living off the land. He often had friendly conversations with his animal friends in the forest, and then shot and ate them. All seemed well, and Roger was having a marvelous life.
One day, however, Roger heard a loud rumble. Out of the foliage came a gigantic, yellow bulldozer. It was plowing down trees at a most rapid pace. Roger was horrified. He decided to talk to his friend, Sonyo The Monkey.
"My lovely home in the forest is being destroyed!" cried Roger.
"What shall I do, my dear friend?"
"Well, you could eat the people, just like you eat animals," suggested Sonyo. "That would end your problem."
What a brilliant idea!" exclaimed Roger. "Thanks so much, Sonyo!"
"No prob," said Sonyo. Roger was hungry, so he shot and ate Sonyo. It was a wonderful meal.
The next day, Roger saw the bulldozer again. With great anger, he began shooting at it. The man inside stopped the bulldozer and jumped out and started running. Roger suddenly felt horrible about himself, and did not fire again. He put down his gun. Suddenly, Roger fell through the earth and landed in an underground cave. Someone had set a trap. In the cave was a young, bearded man.
"I am Big Brother," said the man sternly, "and I have been watching you. Most people just call me Kevin."
Roger was very frightened. He pulled out his blow dart shooter and fired a poison dart at Kevin. It stuck in Kevin's buttock. Kevin fell to the ground, unconscious.
Robert stole the bulldozer and brought Kevin with him. He drove to the city. Kevin regained consciousness, and Robert dropped him off at a McDonald's. Robert then drove to a nearby Subway and parked there. As he was exiting his bulldozer, he was struck by a car. He was instantly killed.
Out of the car came Joe, Kevin's younger brother.
"Ah, sweet revenge!" shouted Joe. He then went back into his car and drove away.
What Joe did not know was that Conan, the great dragon of the forest, and a good friend of Robert's, had already eaten Kevin and had spotted Joe. Conan spit fire, and it melted Joe's car. Joe ran as fast as he could, but Conan scooped him up in his jaws and crunched him up like a potatoe chip.
"I have brought your killer to justice, Robert!" yelled Conan triumphantly. "You have not died in vain, my love!"
Suddenly, Conan was hit by a missile, fired by a bazooka. Conan's head exploded, creating a five foot tall pillar of blood which washed through the streets.
"Revenge is mine!" yelled Nick, the younger brother of Joe and Kevin. Nick popped his collar in triumph. He did not see the pillar of blood headed his way. The impact of the blood stream knocked him off his feet, and he was drowned in seconds.
From his perch atop the heavens, the Angel of the Forest looked down at the carnage and shed a single tear. This tear planted a giant Tree of Life. This holy tree is gazed upon every day by tourists in a lovely park called Animal Kingdom.
After this heart-wrenching skirmish, the bulldozers left the forest alone, and everyone lived happily ever after.