The Forever Within the Rugged Leather

May 16, 2017

I believe in stability. I believe in the lace-bound black leather with metal zippers and a thick, chunky heel kind of stability. The kind that is my two-footed foundation. The kind that provides me with confidence as I march down the halls, hearing that click-clack of comfort. I believe in combat boots.

A few years ago, these wonderful shoes had not yet entered my life. Instead, the floral and the pink reeked of my innocence, purity, and ignorance. I became unbalanced. Sadness slowly creeped onto me as my beloved friend’s unhappiness infected mine. They began to battle their broken heart, or their parent’s divorce, or their depression, or some other hardship. And I promised myself I would save them; it was my job to save them. And drowning myself in their pain was my greatest mistake. The impossible task beat me and my tear-stained cheeks marked each day that had passed with me as a prisoner of their sadness.

It changed them and in turn, changed me. I was ashamed and embarrassed of my bright clothing as the cheery colors worn on my skin wasn’t me anymore. I wasn’t the same happy innocent girl anymore. Energy was sparse, smiling was exhausting and panic attacks became more frequent. My world felt like it was spinning out of focus and falling apart and some days it seemed like hardly anyone noticed or even cared. So on the hot September day when I found my bad-ass combat boots, I felt exhilarated. They were the most beautiful things I ever saw and I knew instantly they were exactly what I was searching for. They were strong, fierce, and sturdy and I would have paid anything for a chance to wear those shoes. They became a powerful symbol in my life, although I didn’t realize it at the time.

Now, sure, to anyone else they were just a cute pair of boots, but to me they were more than that. Those shoes represented exactly what I wasn’t and everything I ever dreamed to be. The combat boots provided me with stability at a time when nothing else could. They gave me confidence, courage, steadiness, security, and safety. I felt stronger in those shoes. I relied on those shoes. Any night I cried or had a nerve-wracking test or presentation that day, I’d be wearing those shoes. Whenever I felt insignificant and small, those shoes gave me an extra two inches. They were there for me, as much as a pair of shoes could be and I owe them so much. It’s the smallest things in life we rely on and it’s those very things that we admire most. It does not have to be much, but every person wants a constant, wants something to fall back on. Something strong and durable, that can last as long as it is needed. These combat boots are my security, my foundation, my rock, my stability, and what I still hope to this day becomes my forever. These gorgeously fierce leather high- heeled combat boots remind me of the person I want to be: someone strong and reliable for those who also struggle in keeping their two feet planted.

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