This girl who I met when I was in eighth grade, I forgot her name but I know she use to always call me her mother. When I was 10- years-old I experienced a lot of stuff I shouldn’t have experienced. I was bullied all my life because of my weight, how I talk, how I dress, where I came from, etc. When I was 11-years-old I held on so much pain that I just took that pain out on myself. I started Self-Harm and Suicide so I knew what it was like for no one to listen to you, understand you, care about you and also losing guidance, etc. People came to me for advice and just wanted someone to listen to them. But this girl that I saw was different it was something about her. When I saw her it was like I was looking at myself. I stayed after school as usual for Boys and Girls Club, everyone was playing kickball and I was the captain, I picked my best friend and he said me My,( my is my nickname it's a family thing) pick the emo girl. I looked at her and my heart was about to stop because when I was 11-years-old I consider myself as an emo kid. I said okay she’s on my team. I just couldn’t stop looking at her. I walked up to her and said, you emo? She said yeah. I told her no she’s not. I told her, do you even know what emo is? She said yeah. I said what is it then? She didn’t answer me instead she looked away. I said, do you want to end up like me? Her eyes got big and curious. I rolled up my sleeve and showed her my left wrist, she was shocked and she look up at me like you can relate to me? I told her do you want to end up on medicine? Do you want to be in and out of mental hospitals? I told her, you too young to just throw your life away. You might think you emo but you not. I know why you say you’re emo it's because no one understands you. People has to go what you went through and feel what you felt or still feeling in order for them to understand. You can’t cut yourself because nobody understand you. No one didn’t tell me the world is cruel I had to learn it on my own. I lost guidance a long time ago, I learned as I go. You only 12-years-old you don’t want your arm all scared up because when you want children and you still have those scars what are you going to tell them? You can’t lie to your children. You going to have to wait till they get old enough to understand. You need to get a journal and just write in it. It felt like I was talking to a brick wall but little did I know she was listening. She was so stubborn but two weeks later she got on the bus and went into her backpack and gave me her journal. I was so shocked I said, you want me to read it? She nodded. I read it and I was so emotional and I just hugged her, she would talk to me and I would listen, I didn’t interrupt her when she talk because I knew she had a lot to get off her chest. By two months she stopped wearing black eyeliner, wearing her hair in her face, and on top of that she stop cutting and her scars healed. The girl came to me and said thank you you changed my life and helped me alot. At that moment I knew what I wanted to do in life, I knew what my purpose was. She had a huge impact on me because my dream was to always make a difference in someone's life and to help them grow and know that there is something more than just holding grudges, blaming yourself for things, having anger in your heart, and keep holding on to the past. If you keep holding on to the past and still re-reading those same chapters then no doors will open for you unless you close the doors that you already have open. I always thought that I wanted to be a writer or be an artist but the whole time I just wanted to help people in ways no one couldn’t help me because I didn’t have nobody to talk to or have a place to call home because my home didn’t feel like home and when I met that girl I felt like if I had made an impact on her life I can impact other people's lives and help them move forward and help them let go of the people or things that hurt them.
October 29, 2016