Just Me

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I am a mess of contradictions. I am extremely indecisive, but my principles are strong and can never be compromised. I hate that I procrastinate, but my best work is done at the last minute. Disappointing people is something I try to avoid at all costs. I often come off much different then I would like to. My self confidence is mistaken for cockiness, and my strong sense of self-worth is perceived as stuck-up. I know adolescence is a time to search for who you are. Even some adults are still trying to find this out. Although I may not know entirely who I am, I know who I’m not. I am not someone who settles for mediocrity. I am not someone who fears change because without it, there would be no progression. I am not always as organized as I’d like to be. I am not as strong and confident as I appear, and I do not see this as a weakness. I know that I may not have the highest-looking credentials on paper, but I know what I’m capable of. I can succeed at anything.
I am attracted to anyone who can make me laugh. Humor is the most appealing quality found in a person. I constantly take myself too seriously. My biggest pet peeve is being told to calm down. My best ideas come from my heightened emotions in moments of excitement. I have very unusual mannerisms. I like to think of myself as a lady. My parents used to threaten my sister and I with etiquette classes if we did not behave well. I wish we had misbehaved enough to be forced to attend these classes. I wouldn’t mind knowing exactly which fork to use when or where to place your napkin when you are finished with your meal (on the right side, but not refolded or crumpled).
I value what others have to say, but I’m not afraid to tell them I disagree. I enjoy intellectual banter, but like most, hate to be proven wrong. I love reading, but once I put the book down, I can’t seem to remember what it was about. Mystery novels are my favorite, but I never seem to read them. I always cheat and skip to the end to see who did it. Being embarrassed is one of my biggest fears. I always try to avoid embarrassing myself or anyone around me. Sometimes I try to steer clear of conflict so much that the other person doesn’t even know they have hurt me. I’ve slowly come to realize that I’m actually causing conflict, it’s just internal. I could possibly hve the worst memory in the entire world. All of the family vacations of my childhood blur together. I can’t distinguish Alaska from Arizona.
My biggest fear in life is not being remembered. I don’t want to be someone who nobody knows and easily forgets. I want to make a difference. I don’t know in what or for who, but I know I will. If not today, tomorrow. I’m constantly trying to attain perfection. I know it’s impossible but there is nothing wrong with trying. I’m not afraid to be who I am. Other people can try to change me, but it will never work. I want to be the best person I can be, but I’m also content with how I am right now. It’s all about the contradictions.





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SoNotAnOrdinaryGirl said...
Dec. 13, 2011 at 7:27 pm
In some ways, we're like twins, and in others we're soooo different. I understand what you mean about contradictions, though. Very well written- I loved it!
 
LastWord said...
Sept. 30, 2010 at 7:30 am
How does one wish to please others when they take so much time to first please themselves?
 
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