She Was Elusive

February 20, 2012
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"She was elusive. She was today, she was tomorrow. She was the faintest scent of a cactus flower, the flitting shadow of an elf owl. In our minds we tried to pin her to corkboard like a butterfly, but the pin merely went through and away she flew."
-Jerry Spinelli, "Stargirl"

She came and went so quickly that none of us ever really got to know her. We thought we did - she was a fun, outgoing, friendly girl. She was exciting, and people were always drawn to her by some unknown aura. She became one of us, part of the family. And then she left.

This was her nature. She craved new environments and new people, or anything that would give her adventure and excitement. She always needed a bigger, better challenge for herself to overcome.

Or was that who she really was? No. She was an introvert hiding from her real self. Challenges helped her break out of her shell, but when she got too comfortable she ran, afraid of how her "real self" would respond to these unknown factors in life: comfort, security, stability. These things, native to the American Dream, were foreign to this girl.
Her ability to move on, to adjust to new environments and forget the life she previously lived can be seen as a strength or a weakness. It all depends on what she decides to make of her life.

This girl is me, Micah Kamiah McGrew, and for the past few months I have not used this trait of adventure and adjustment to my advantage. I have let my thoughtless fleeing bring me to a new city in a new state. I adjusted wonderfully in the beginning, striking new friendships at every corner, but the socializing eventually drained me and I fell into a slump of depression. My newfound friendships failed to evolve, and I became a hermit, leaving the house only for school and work.

Just last night I had a change of heart. My slump reached a climax; I had been alone with myself and my thoughts for long enough, and I decided to change. I decided to be the happy me, and to accept me, my situation, and the people around me for what it all is. I went to school today with this mindset, and the fever finally broke and my happy face was not just a mask. Today, I noticed the people I've been ignoring, and realized that they are the ones that truly want to be my friends, that will continue to make an effort to get to know me despite the reserved personality I had been exhibiting. Today, I made small talk with a girl I had previously felt intimidated by, and this small talk led to a much larger and deeper conversation, revealing things we would have never known we have in common. Today, I changed myself for the better and began on the happy path I envisioned when I moved here.

"True friends are found in unexpected places."
-Micah Kamiah McGrew





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