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December 1, 2011
It seems that I become serene in the most unexpected of times. This can be aggravating, because when I actually try to center myself I feel a visceral rebellion. Though I suppose I should not complain about surprise serenity, as the alternative would be constant chaos. I can tend to gravitate to stress and affliction, but something greater than me has other ideas. Even with a desire to hold on to anger, the gratitude can be too hard to ignore.

During school, each step is begrudging. The walls are suffocative. I watch the clock painstakingly. It is not the case that I despise school. Six hours straight of academics for obligatory courses dictated by the proverbial “them” just gets to me. When the last bell of the day rings, I traverse over into another kind of life. Just beyond high school doors, I feel inspired, important, moved and humbled. There are days this feeling lingers, and others where it will dissipate just as quickly as it comes.

This particular day was difficult to get through. I was looking very forward to getting home and undertaking the rest of my day with my own intentions. I had no plan how I would get home, but usually a simple phone call suffices. Though when I called my mother telling her I was ready, she told me she was otherwise engaged. I didn’t know who else to call. Stumped, I bitterly began my foot journey home. It would only be a mile, but my backpack was heavy, my feet hurt, and it would take longer than two minutes when I just wanted to get home and relax.

In my walk, I only have to take three turns between the campus and my house. On my way to the first turn, I was conjuring ways to nudge my mom for not being able to pick me up. I continued this spiteful thinking until about two blocks after that first turn. All of a sudden the smell of fresh cut grass crept into my nose. It was a smell I usually reserve for summer, I was caught off guard. I then noticed how green it was outside, unusual for October. As I continued on, I saw flowers still proudly flaunting their magnificent colors, and others rushing to bloom before the climate could no longer contain them. I realized I had yet to see a year so stubborn and reluctant to change. Weeks after the Fall Equinox the chlorophyll clung to the plants. A question developed in my head, “Where would my perspective be if my mom had picked me up?” A smile spread over my face, I tilted my gaze to nowhere in particular and thought, “Thank you.”

In the rushed bustle that my day to day life is, I rarely notice the ever-present beauty and the gifts every moment brings me. My wants get in the way of appreciation, and I forget that I need to ground myself in the now. When moments like this arise the futility of my peevishness becomes obvious. I renew my vow to maintain gratitude towards the world. This sentiment needs to be revived often in my life, and this is why I cherish little moments like this.





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