An Essay on the Jaded Truths of Sex & Love

By , Hamilton, Canada
There is this mistake many of us who have yet to fall in love, or at the very least come to grips with an adequate definition of what that word actually means make on a fairly consistent basis. Make no mistake I am not the wisest man on the planet, nor have I ever claimed to be but I think there are few pieces of knowledge that I have picked up along my journey this far and it seems only fair that I impart them on those willing to listen in order to spare them some heartache and sadness. There are a few major points to which I will draw major attention to, there are a variety of others but as I want this to remain a simple essay, allowing for enough interest to be generated in order to finish it I will keep it as condensed as I can. The topics to be discussed with are these; sex and love, and the relation between the two. This will not be an essay in the traditional sense which would see a number of quotations and citations interspersed in the body of the text, but one complied rather as a retelling of some of the knowledge I have gained through experience.
Let us start with love, such a novel word seems to be tossed about in our modern society more than ever before (although that is because those of us alive to claim that now were not alive ever before in order to properly determine that) still perhaps something has gone wrong to allow for this to happen. Of course we are all aware of the most prominent modern use of the word, which has to do primarily with thus of us of the male population who to impress all of their high school friends by sleeping with their girlfriend tells her the magic word which is suppose to swoon her off her feet, make her dizzy with desire and get you faster towards your end goal faster than anything else you have ever tried. Well done men, really aced that one. Though I find it very hard to believe that those lucky members of the female population have not yet figured this scheme out, as it is not particularly subtle or clever. So let us suppose for a minute that this is the case and that all those girls in high school are waiting to hear that magical word, in anticipation that it signifies the final step towards taking the plunge, towards “hitting a home run” in the most crude terms. What a terrible situation this is then that we have arrived at isn’t it? Where the word of love and the mere uttering of the word is no longer designated for the upper most levels of affection but instead it is used simply as a tool for the advancement of bedroom activities. Though the previous statement is for men, I have no idea as to whether or not women employ this trick just as readily in order to get sex. Though if it does indeed go both ways than the situation as become far more grievous than anticipated. The other major problem with this whole love situation, (referring of course to the announcement of love prematurely, when neither party is truly ready for it) and with that the receiving party feels; 1) obligated upon receiving the “love” word and that they therefore should reciprocate the word and 2) leading to one or both parties taken to a state of confusion as to whether or not the other party or themselves in fact really truly believe what they are saying. Then of course with both parties in a state of confusion they continue to progress down the path to the perceived end goal which will only cement this proposed “love” that the two parties share. That is the topic for the following paragraph.
Firstly I do believe some clarification is in order to all those readers still under the influence of the perception that “sex” is to “love making” what the “sun” is to so many other stars in the sky, that they are one in the same. This is entirely false, so much so that I am not even sure that there are words at my disposal equal to the task of describing how different these two things are. The notion that they are the same has led to many a problematic situation, especially among those who see their first time as “the making of love”, so I shall now attempt to break down the world of virginity and the loss thereof to all those who are feeling lost. There seems to be this perception that the loss of virginity is something entirely different to both sides, that the female loss is this tragic loss of innocence, a loss of something that was sacred and can never be redeemed. While on the other hand the male loss is viewed as being something else entirely, more masculine, a right of passage, and a gateway to the world sort of thing. This is entirely an error, one quite drastic to say the least. Men, while in an attempt to seem macho and masculine may shrug the first time off as something meaningless, just a bit of harmless fun that is intended in no way to hurt anyone’s feelings do interestingly enough feel quite similarly about the loss of virginity as females do. (This cannot of course be applied to all subjects of both populations but rather the majority of them). A loss is a loss, regardless of who is doing the losing, the major point here is that in a case where let us suggest two people lose their virginity at the same time they will both feel in someway connected, but the woman slightly more so, placing the guy ahead in terms of emotional disconnect, leading the man to be the one which is more than likely to shrug the act off as nothing (the other part is that men have a tendency to hide their emotions, especially ones that will make them seem weak, effeminate or “pussy” thus they are usually hidden). This is entirely turned on its head when the man goes in as a virgin; felt the aforementioned connection and the other party did not reciprocate. Thus the man quite interestingly enough will receive the feeling of hurt and lost that we most commonly attribute to the woman in the situation.
The real point that has been attempted to be made here is that sex equals sex and love making equals love making, very rarely do the two ever co-exist in harmony where both parties enjoy the same feeling to the act in question. Most often one side feels something while the other side feels nothing whatsoever, and someone gets hurt but if this confusion could start to be rectified as a whole within the community of our youth I do believe that there is a good chance that such situations of hurt could be avoided, sex is sex, and losing yourself in some sort of emotional fantasy over the first time is a useless waste of time.





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