Ball of Confusion

December 27, 2009
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I can see myself at Pratt. Though it sounds cliché and trite, when I first visited the campus I knew it was me. I had often heard about the so called “moment,” that college books kept describing, telling me that I would know when I saw the college of my dreams. Pratt is that for me. I can picture myself sitting on the grass reading a novel assigned for my Literary and Critical Studies course. I can see myself better developing my understanding of the human form in my Figures and General course. I can see myself in the studio frantically trying to finish a project that is due the next day. I can see myself belonging at Pratt.
Oh, to belong to a group of artistic and diverse people! I don’t want to belong in a conformist sense of the word. Instead, I want to belong in the sense of being surrounded by people with similar interests, but all with their own ideas and personalities. Coming from a school where being different means wearing something other than Hollister, I want to push myself to become my own person and branch out from the standards of ‘normal.’ I believe at Pratt I will be in an environment that will encourage me to break away from the mold that is small-town-America.
I don’t want to sound like everyone. I don’t want my ideas to sound uncreative and overused. I feel so bombarded with “How to write a good Application Essay” articles that all my thoughts have swirled into one giant confused mass. I feel like here is where I whip out an insanely creative analogy about how my life has developed and will continue to at Pratt like a pearl in a clam or cotton candy. Cotton candy? My life is like cotton candy in that it’s a swirling confused mass of crazy sugariness that all gets wrapped together and eaten quickly. But if you eat too much will it make you sick?
I curse way too much. Hi Pratt, I should come to your school because I will enrich it with my verbal nonsensical babble, laden with irrefutably foul language. Not only are my verbal expression distinctive, but other manifestations of self expression set me apart as well. I am considered the QUEEN of Melodrama within my family. I have often been prone to making large scenes out of nothing, simply because I too stubborn and melodramatic to admit when I was wrong or had been just plain stupid. While I am emphasizing my “finer” qualities, I might as well include my intense need for procrastination. In fact, if I don’t feel the pressure of impending failure I can’t focus or get anything done. However, once I reach the point of “if you don’t do this YOU WILL FAIL!” I can focus like no other.
I feel like these college essays want me to showcase all of my absurd qualities in a way that makes them “unique and creative outlets” or something of the sort. Should I be writing an essay about how I prefer to eat food in bowls? How I sleep with two comforters? How I have a metal bar in my chest? Are these really things that colleges care about? Do they really care about my obsession with Amélie and My Cousin Vinny, or do they want to hear about all of my great achievements as a Girl Scout, Honor Student, or as the Vice President of Grad? I could even be a Proust Scholar or Nobel Prize winner. It’s all going to sound the same after a while.
I don’t want to be prostituting my achievements. I have worked hard for them, but they are NOT what I’m most proud of. I’m most proud of things like making decisions on my own, learning and trying new things, and growing as a person. I recently made the decision to have a major surgery, which ultimately resulted in my mastering the skill of pill swallowing. Both of these accomplishments brought me a sense of pride, just as finally finishing Anna Karenina did. I am proud of these things and I want other people to be proud of me for these things. I want colleges to be proud that I am a student there. I don’t want to be 1 of 3,070 students. I want people to say, “Hey that’s Zoey! She’s loyal, confident, creative, and a little bit zany.”
By accepting me, a foul mouthed, procrastinating, Girl Scout, I am confident that I will become who I am meant to be. I know I will achieve my own personal success, and will create a life that I will be proud to say is mine. I would like Pratt to be involved in creating this life and sorting out the mass of sugary confusion.

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