The Robot Apocalypse Starts in College

December 20, 2011
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Colleges today want so much from students. They want good grades, extracurricular activities, AP classes. They want you to be an amazing writer, they want you to play sports and they want to see you speak a foreign language fluently. You need amazing SAT scores, the ability to play an instrument and to understand great philosophy and literature. On top of all that, you need a social life, and it doesn’t hurt to be popular. Any sane individual could see that there’s no possible way that a human being could manage all of that. This is why I believe that colleges are being overrun by robots.
You heard it here first, folks. The day of the robot apocalypse has come. You always expected that the robots would rise in rebellion, start a massive war and make us their slaves by force? But you were wrong. They have come through means of their intelligence. By masquerading as humans and building amazing college applications, they will take all of the spots for our most prestigious colleges, thus forcing human beings to go to community college or skip college altogether. We will end up in minimal wage jobs, serving our robot overlords.
Paranoid you say? Perhaps. But what other explanation can there be?

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