In my life many things have happened. I have had many choices to make. I have had many experiences, many memorable moments. I have cried and laughed. I have had the chance to sing and dance. But there has always been something missing, something wrong. I feel that I have not had the chance to decide anything truly important for myself
At seventeen years old, I've applied to many colleges and been accepted at two. One is Plattsburg, my safe school. Then there is Buffalo, my reach school. It's big and cold, and far away, but it has a communications and learning disabilities program I want and atmosphere I might love. My mom seems to think differently. She wants me to be close to home in a small school.
We've been fighting constantly since the letter came from Buffalo. My father wants me to go there, be free as a bird. I want to consider it but I'm not sure. Teachers tell me it's the best: "You have to go to your reach school," they say. I just want to rest. I just want to do the right thing. My mother thinks she knows what's best and what I want, but if I don't know, how can she? How can anyone?
My life is in my hands. Yet it seems that everyone around me feels that it is in their hands. I need to make my own choices, to make my own mistakes to learn from. Now, when I wake up in the morning, someone is choosing what time. When I eat, someone chooses when and what. When I go to college these decisions will all be mine. I will choose when I wake up, when and what I eat, and with whom I spend time. If only the people around me could understand that I am my own person! I can choose what I want. I don't need their advice. I am an adult.
I want to wait till my first choice, The University of Massachusetts at Amherst, responds. I might change my mind. I might not. But I know I don't want my decision to be exactly what my mom wants. She wants close, but I don't know. She wants small; I want big. She wants warm; I want cold. She wants me to live out her dreams. I just want to live out my own life. This decision is hard enough. Why does everyone want to make the decision for me? I've been accepted to college. Now what? Let me answer the question myself v
This piece has been published in Teen Ink’s monthly print magazine.