Leaving them is going to be the hardest thing I ever do. From day one they have held my hand and walked me step by step through everything. They do everything for me.
Now that I’m 17, I don’t spend a lot of time with them. It’s senior year and I will be going off to college soon. I will move out and live on my own. Bills and credit cards will be mailed to me. What will I do? They’ve always done everything.
I remember going to my junior prom and my father jumping in front of the camera every time my mother went to take another shot. Before I left I gave him a hug; his embrace was so warm I almost cried. He told me he loved me, which he rarely does, and told me to have fun. That made my night.
I’ve been a daddy’s girl as long as I can remember. He’s my role model and hero. I’ve always said I’m going to be just like him someday. Now I am leaving him. What will he say? How will he react? What will life be like on my own? All I have to do is walk across the hall, knock on his door, and there he is whenever I need him. I will be alone. If I knock on the door across the hall, no one will answer. What will I do without them?
Mom has been my best friend since I was old enough to remember. If I just want to talk about nothing, she is there. If I’m upset and need someone to talk to, she is there. When I need advice, I always have a place to go. I can have fun with her; she makes me laugh.
Loving the thought of living on my own, I still can’t imagine it. I won’t have anyone to watch TV with after my hours of homework or to sit at the table with when dinner is ready. Lonely, cold, dark and silent is how I will feel. As I lie in bed at night, I’ll know the telephone is right beside me, but it just won’t the same. I won’t be able to go to my father in the dining room and say, “Daddy, can you help me with this physics problem?” I won’t be able to walk into the kitchen and start a conversation with my mom. I will walk into my kitchen and see no one.
Am I mature enough to live on my own? Do I really know right from wrong? I won’t have them there to say that I am not making the right decision. Will I survive in college with a place of my own? What will I do without them? The hardest thing I will have to do is leave them behind.
This piece has been published in Teen Ink’s monthly print magazine.