The Love That Wasn't Meant To Be
Author's note: The names in this story have been changed.
Part 5As Jane and I became closer, I would tell her my most inner thoughts and how confused I am in the direction I should take. I would tell her how much I love Zia and can't stand the pain I am putting her through. I also joked with Jane that if we hook up, maybe Zia would forget about me and move on to a better life. I felt that maybe I am not good enough for her. She deserves the best but all I have given her is pain, sorrow, heartaches and failure. Feeling totally heartbroken and dying for a hug, I put my arms around Jane for some comfort. That lead to Jane and me kissing and somehow ending up spending the night together. I woke up in the morning hating myself. I was going insane and by now I felt terrible. Jane and I had a talk the following day where I apologised for my actions. I told Jane I love Zia very much and what happened with us shouldn't have happened. She also apologised for being too kind. She told me that at the very least, we are still friends. I started having thoughts of hoping that if Zia hates me, she would get on with her family wishes. I hated myself as well because I have betrayed her.
I felt if I got involved with someone else, at least Zia and her family will be spared the wrath of her uncles. They could all move on with their lives and things would get better and easier for her. I started a relationship with Jane. Jane was always there for me when I needed her and I guess she was the easiest for me to latch onto. Jane and I discussed about Zia and I made it clear to her that I could never love anyone as much as I love Zia and if Zia ever needed me, I would be there for her. Unfortunately, Jane got pregnant. I read this as a sign that I have to let Zia move on with her life. I explained to Jane my feelings for Zia and we discussed on how to handle our situation.
Jane and I got married on the 1st of April 2000 with her expecting our first child. I did my best to move on with life so that will make it easier for Zia to get on with hers. I hoped she would hate me so much that she would find someone who would not fail her as much as I did. Zia was sent away by her uncles to keep us out of reach of each other. I thought this would help her get along with her life. Despite being married, my love for her was so deep I would go to bed every night thinking and hoping she is okay. Jane knew how I felt at this time and was very patient with me. I felt I hurt many people around me including Jane. I was totally lost. Jane would hug me every night and tell me that time heals old wounds. I realised that Jane have actually fallen in love with me. I was not sure if Zia's life got better as she would have to keep the relationship between us a secret. If anyone knew about it, nobody would marry her. I felt that although I am trying to help her, I have stained her life forever...