Weeks had gone by and Ashley was finally becoming a five year old. She no longer waited to be told she could go play, she just played. Ashley was no longer scared to talk around us, in fact she always had so much to say. She would sing and dance all around the house and seemed like the happiest kid around. Ashley acted like she was never going to move again, she was herself. She was doing so well. Finally blooming and learning all the essential skills. That's until everything went wrong.
After being with us for five weeks the social worker came to our house and said that Ashley was going to go back with her biological mother. Which made no sense because it was clear her mother could not take care of her. But the courts believed that Margaret, Ashley’s mother, could take of her. So Ashley was sent back. My house didn’t feel the same without her in it, she had become part of the family and with her being gone nothing felt the same. My family and I knew that she shouldn’t have gone back, something didn’t feel right about it, but there really wasn’t anything we could do.

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A long month of missing Ashley went by before she was returned to our home. Finally this little girl was back in a place where we knew she was safe. But when she walked back in that door it was the same Ashley that she was when she first walked in the door months earlier. Her hair that was once always brushed and done up with bows, was now just as matted. Her face that always had a smile plastered across was now dirty and no smile existed. Her eyes that once looked so happy now had a look of despair and sadness. Her clothes that were once so clean and cute we're now dirty and looked like they were three sizes too small. This poor little girl. How could this happen again, why did she have to go back to that place. She was doing so well but has gone backwards. When my mom and I greeted her at the door she said hi in such a soft whisper and kept her head down. Not this again.
Once Ashley had settled in, once again, I started talking to her a little more, she had completely gone backwards in the sense of trusting us and education. She didn’t talk very much, the singing and dancing Ashley was gone.
“Hi Ashley how was being with your mom again,” I questioned.
“It was scary.”
“Scary? How was it scary,” I replied with total confusion.
“Well Mommy hit Auntie Jane, and I was scared because Auntie Tracy said that hitting people hurts them. I didn’t want Mommy to hurt Auntie Jane. But I think she did.”
“Oh that’s not good, what happened?”
“Well Auntie Jane and I were really hungry and mommy wasn’t letting us have any food. So Auntie Jane snuck out of our room and took some cupcakes that mommy had bought and brought them for us. Well mommy got really mad and took them from her and then started hitting Auntie Jane really hard. She was crying and telling mommy to stop but she wouldn’t. Then Auntie Jane started bleeding. I was crying and telling mommy to stop but she wouldn’t listen. Then mommy said for me to go to my room and not come out until I was told.”
“Oh I am so sorry Ashley, what happened to Aunt Jane, was she ok?”
“I don’t know. After mommy told me to go to my room I didn’t see her again.”
What that sounded like to me was Ashley witnessed a murder. A five year old witnessed the murder of her Aunt. We knew it wasn’t right for her to go back. Now this little girl will have to live for the rest of her life witnessing that. I wondered what else has happened there. What else did she witness. But this would have never have happened if that social worker hadn’t put her back in that house. If she was taken from there once there is no point in returning her, she doesn’t need to go back if it will just cause more trauma on this little girl.
I ended my conversation with Ashley and went straight to my mom to let her know what I was just told.
“Mom, I have something to tell you, it’s about Ashley. She told me something that was hard to hear and must have been even harder to see and it really worries me. And it makes me wonder what else she has gone through.”
“Ok, what did she tell you,” my mom asked with deep concern with what I was going to tell her.
“Well I asked her how her stay with her mom went and she said scary, so I asked why and she said because her mom was hitting Jane. She said that her mom was hitting Jane and Jane was crying and asking her to stop but she wouldn’t, Ashley said she was also crying and asking her to stop but her mom wouldn’t listen. Then she said Jane was bleeding and then her mom sent her to her room and after that Ashley never saw Jane again. Do you think her mom killed her?”
“Well I am not sure. She probably just got that from a movie she watched or a dream she had. I doubt that actually happened,” my mom replied as if it was totally normal. But I don’t see how a child could come up with something like this. She had such vivid details, she described it so real so I don’t believe this is made up, I think this actually happened. My mom is wrong, she needs to listen to Ashley.
The next day Ashley was still very closed off and to herself, that poor girl was exposed to so much that I wouldn’t blame her if she never wanted to speak to anyone again. But I hope she does talk to somebody because a person always needs somebody to talk to. But I don’t know what to do for this little girl that needs somebody so badly. How was one able to help someone so young that has witnessed so much.
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Months had gone by and Ashley was finally turning six. She had never had a birthday party so my mom planned on having the biggest party for her. Ashley really loved Disney princesses so as expected everything was princess. Princess pinata, a princess cake, princess crowns and princess balloons. Everything was princess. It was as if a fairy threw up glitter and pink all over the park. I had never seen so much pink in one place. But it was her party and she looked like she was having the time of her life so I wasn’t going to say anything. The smile she had that day seemed so big, I had never seen her so happy. I’m so glad she can be so happy, I know that things can’t be easy for her with being in a new place, with strangers, and being taken from the only person you have ever known. But she has adjusted so well. I just hope she doesn’t have to be sent back. The social worker keeps talking about her possibly going back to her biological mother but that shouldn’t happen. That woman has done nothing but harm Ashley, she doesn’t deserve to go back to that place. Ashley needs to be here with us where she is as happy as ever. But I will never know until it happens.
As we got done with Ashley's party, we asked her how she liked her party and she just answered and said, “That was the greatest day of my whole life.”
As I watched as she said that I couldn’t help but smile. Ashley deserved nothing but the best from now on, and we were going to make sure she got it.
“Well I’m glad you had fun, you will get one of those parties every year,” mom replied to her.
“I can’t wait until next year,” Ashley said as she looked at all the colorful exciting toys she just received. Everything seemed so perfect. Ashely was learning so much at school and making so much progress. Her mom never took her to school so she was pretty behind in most things, but she was doing so well. Ashely was finally beginning to comprehend reading and was catching up. She was becoming such a fast learner with math and her handwriting was becoming better. Everybody was so surprised by what she had accomplished and everybody was so proud. Even though Ashley had some reading problems she learned to overcome them and show that she could do it. But that was until the social worker called and decided to take her back once again

I didn’t think I would have to come back here. I love my mom but I want to go back to Aunt Tracy’s. Everything is always so much fun there and she always gave me so much food. My tummy never hurt, and she was always so nice. Everything was so much fun there. I loved being there. So why did I have to go back to mommy’s? She is never nice to me unless we are in that big building that the lady takes me to. If i go back home with her she will be mean again. But I hope Aunty Jane is there, she helps save me from mommy. She protects me and gets me food. I miss her.
“Hey baby girl! I missed you so much, are you ready to go home with mommy?” Mommy never talked like this, so why was she doing it now? She didn’t need to talk like that.
“I guess,” I said as I got into her car just waiting to go back to the new place she had.
“Alright baby we'll make sure you buckle up, I will be in in a minute I am just going to talk to this nice lady.” I didn’t want to go home with her but if I told that lady that I didn’t want to she would just tell me I had to and then mommy would be really md at me and I would be in big trouble when we got home. So I will just have to go with her.

As we pulled into the parking lot of yet a different home, mommy turned around and told me she had a surprise for me. She said that we had a new place to live that was nicer and better than the other one. But I didn’t see how the other one was bad, it was fun to play in that one. And there was always cats outside the door, I love cats. But I guess I have to do whatever mom says.
When I walked into the new home everything was so clean. Mommy showed me my room and all the new toys she had boughten me. Mommy always bought me new toys, that's what I loved about being with mommy. But things felt different in the house, things felt like they were going to be better, maybe mommy wasn’t so mad anymore and was gonna be nice.
I spoke too soon. The next morning when I woke up mommy was gone and I was all alone. Nobody was there to get me any breakfast, at Aunt Tracy’s house they never left me alone, and somebody always got me breakfast. I miss being there, I always got to play with the other kids and I got to go to school. I loved school. Mommy will never take me to school. Aunty Tracy loved me going to school and always took me, I want to go back there. I miss Aunty Tracy and Taylor and Junior and Trystan and Tamm and Jinnene and Landen. They were all so nice and always played with me. It was like I always had siblings and I was never alone. I didn’t like being alone. Mommy always leaves me alone, like right now. I don’t know what to do, I get so scared because she doesn’t come for a long time. Then when she does come home she gets mad at me all the time. She tells me that I am a bad kid and the reason that I have to go to Aunty Tracy’s is because I am bad and don’t know how to behave. But I don’t do anything, I try to listen but she always gets mad at me.
Aunty Jane never came home. Mommy said she ran away and just didn’t want to come back, but I would she would. I miss her, I miss playing dolls with her and playing hide and seek. I miss her protecting me, now there is nobody to protect me from mommy when she gets mad at me. Not even Aunty Tracy or that lady, they take me away from here and I feel safe but then they make me come back. Don’t they know that mommy is mean to me? Do they? Well maybe I should tell them more about what mommy does to me and maybe they won’t make me come back here again. Because right now I am mad at them for making me come back here. They are supposed to keep me safe and they aren’t doing that.
“Ashley!! Where are you,” mommy yelled like she was angry. Oh no, what will happen. I jumped off my bed and ran like a racehorse to the front door to see what had happened.
“Get your things we are leaving. Now!”
“Why are we leaving mommy?”
“Because I said so, there is bad people that want to get us so we need to leave right now.”
“But what about Aunty Tracy and everybody.I have to say good-bye. What about school? I have to go to school?”
“We will put you in school when we get to where we are going but right now you can’t go to school. Aunt Tracy is one of those bad people. She doesn’t want you to be happy or for you to ever see me again and we can’t let that happen.”
“But Aunt Tracy wants to make sure I am happy. That’s not true mommy! I don’t want to go! I want to stay with Aunt Tracy, I don’t want to live with you anymore mommy!”
“You are coming with me! You are never seeing them again! Now get our things we are leaving!”
I didn’t want to go with her but I didn’t have a choice. We were leaving and never coming back, I was never seeing Aunty tracy  and all my cousins ever again. As I got into the car and mommy started to drive, I started to cry. I didn’t want to leave. Maybe one day Aunty Tracy will find us and will come visit, because I will miss her to much.
Mommy drove for so long it felt like forever. The car never seemed to stop and I wanted it to stop. Mommy is always looking all around the windows, looking like she is looking for something, she looks scared. She looks more scared than I do. But why is she scared? The bad people won’t hurt us, I don’t think there is any bad people. So why is she scared? Did she do something bad? But what did she do? I wish mommy would stop being bad. She needs to be good and I will love her more, and I could stay with her forever if she would be good. But she won’t.
When mommy finally stopped the car it was dark time, I was tired of driving all day but I couldn’t sleep. I didn’t want to. I was hoping I would see Aunty Tracy and if I stayed awake then maybe I could stay with her if I saw her. Just maybe. Mommy got out of the car and ran inside to the store and came out really fast. She did something with the car and got back in really fast. Right after mommy got back into the car I could hear loud noises. Like sirens, police officer sirens. What were they doing? They got louder and louder until I could see the flashing lights all around the car. THey were yelling for mommy to get out of the car, over and over again. Mommy was crying, but she got out of the car. Then an officer opened up my car door and smiled. It was a lady. She was so pretty and happy. She had long blonde hair and smiled so sweet, almost like a princess. She asked if I was ok and pulled me out of the car. She told me everything was going to be ok again. I was glad she said that because I didn’t know what was happening.
The nice police officer put me in the police car and took me back to what she called the station. There were so many officers dressed just like her, they were all so big too. It was really cool to see all of them. All of the officers smiled when they looked at me and I felt so special.
“Just one minute sweety, I am going to call your Aunt Tracy and see if she can come pick you up ok,” the lady officer asked and she started dialing. Thank goodness she was calling my Aunty Tracy, I couldn’t wait to see her again. I wanted to go back to her home.
Aunt Tracy walked in the station doors and I ran to her as fast as I could. I couldn’t wait to go home. I missed her so much.
“There you are munchkin!”
“Hi Aunty Tracy! I missed you.”
“I missed you too sweetheart. I promise I won’t let you go back with her again ok?”
“Thank you Aunt Tracy, I don’t want to go back. She said mean things about you and I didn’t like that.”
“Well you don’t have to listen to that anymore.” Aunt Tracy always seemed to make me feel better. No matter how sad I was she was always there to give me hugs and kisses. 

The last time I saw my mom was the day she tried to take me away. That was a night I will never forget. But I am glad that I never will. That was the night that Aunt Tracy promised to never let me go back there again and so far she has kept that promise. I used to be mad at Aunt Tracy every time she would let my social worker take me back to my mom’s but now I know that she didn’t want me to go back and she had no control over that. She told everybody about what my mom had done to Aunt Jane but nobody believed her because there was no evidence that that happened. Although she did all that she could, she couldn’t control where I went. Now I am not mad at her anymore. It wasn’t her fault. Now I am just so mad at my mom. She could have been nicer but she wouldn’t be. Mom could have been able to see me everyday instead of not at all. But she did that, not me. It wasn’t my fault like she had always said.
Today we go to court to see what happens to me, whether Aunt Tracy adopts me and I become her daughter or I have to go to another home. Aunt Tracy says that there should be no problem and that I should be able to stay with her but it’s not 100%. Aunt Tracy dressed me up in my cutest clothes and Taylor did my hair so pretty. She put braids in my hair and curled my bangs, I loved it when she did that to my hair. I felt so pretty. When Aunt Tracy was ready she looked at me and smiled.
“Are you ready kiddo?”
“Yes I am Aunt Tracy.”
We got into our car and drove to a big building where she said we were having court. She said this is an important day and that if the people talk to me I need to tell the truth. But why wouldn’t I tell the truth, the truth was important. So I told her I would and we we started on our way to the big building in front of us. Everything looked so old and shiney. It was so pretty and I couldn’t get enough of all the pretty things. Aunt Tracy held my hand as we soon walked into a little hallway that she said led to the big court room. 
“All rise for Judge Joe Spezze.” The officer in the front of the room announced and everybody stood so tall.
“Be seated.” the judge announced as he sat in his big chair. “I have read over this case of Ashley Beqqi and it is very interesting. My ruling is that Ashley’s biological mother, Margret East, will have her parental rights are from here and on are terminated. She is to no longer come within 20 miles of her until Ashley is the legal age of 18. No possibility of removal. Then guardianship will be presented to Tracy Nuebel. Tracy Nuebel will you please stand?”
“Yes your honor?”
“Do you accept full guardianship of Ashley Beqqi until she is 18 years old?”
“Yes your honor, I do.”
“Then congratulations you are now Ashley Beqqi legal guardian and adoptive mother.” I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. I was finally part of the family. I didn’t have to go back to my mom’s house. I could stay with Aunt Tracy, well mom Tracy, forever. I couldn’t help but cry because I was so happy. Mom Tracy looked at me with tears in her eyes as well,she looked so happy. I was finally her daughter too.
We left the courtroom and decided to go to lunch to celebrate the good news.
“Well Ashley you are officially all mine. But I have some good news for you. Since I am adopting you, you can change your name. So I thought I would let you pick. SO is there any name you would like to have? Now remember you can’t change your name ever again so choose carefully.”
“Well I do have a name picked out.”
“Let me hear it.”
“I want my name to be Samantha.”