Where did you go Daddy?
Author's note: I bottled up my feelings for years until they just came flooding out, and this is my way of... Show full author's note »
Reactions Sprout in Different DirectionsEveryone reacts differently to death, but they are reactions you can never forget. It is like little bugs implanting themselves comfortably into your brain and they watch you suffer. They find it amusing, these bugs, I can tell, and they did not like me one bit.
“What’s your problem,” my sister says, “Did you even love him at all?”
I stand there on the kitchen floor almost as if my life is a story and the writer decides to change that part. That never happened. The only thing I seem to think of is to run away, I run away from my worries and my feelings and hide in my bathroom. The tile is cold and I think of my daddy’s warm rough hands picking me up and telling me,
“It is alright my darling butterfly, I am here now.”
I sat there visioning that moment until I realized that it is never going to happen again. The last time he held me will be the last time and the last time he told me he loved me will be the last time. For the first time since my dad died. I cried. What man will I love now when the only man I needed to love was my dad?
I feel half gone, like these bugs attacked my flesh and took whatever happiness was left in me. I couldn’t cry. How could I, I wish my sisters could understand me, but its like I am screaming out my problems right in front of their faces and their just so lost in reality that they chose to block it out. They won’t hear me, and my life feels like an utter nightmare. Isn’t weird how fast life works? Well I’m not laughing.
The sounds of crying never seem to end, its wheeling around my head, in my eardrum and out the other. It won’t stop! Candra cry! I want to cry but nothing comes out. How can something as simple as death change a person’s life like this? Well ill tell you what, it is not the beautiful, peaceful, and heavenly death the movies talk about. It is emptiness and a Christmas without love…
My sympathy goes towards my mother. I know she feels like she will die alone now. I get mad at her when she doesn’t let me go to my friends house, how selfish is that! She just lost her husband, her whole life, and I get mad over a friend who probably won’t be my friend in a year from now. How would I react, if I lost the love of my life… and your last actual conversation was a fight? Love hurts, and that is true, and life is unpredictable. You only see one puzzle piece at a time, and in the end you can either love your puzzle or hate it. It’s a love/hate world. You can only learn from it, but there is nothing stopping you from changing your puzzle. Well, this puzzle, it's already a bad one, and no one wants to finish a bad puzzle.