Mother May I?
Mommy Dearest“Yes mom I know. I know the Watson wedding. Mhmm. Yes. I know. Okay okay. Alright. Yes. Okay bye. Bye. BYE!” as I slam my phone on the table.
Can you believe her? Are you sleeping well? You seem cranky. Eating enough? Do you “need money?” I am not two anymore; she doesn’t need to hold my hand. Ugh!
Anyway I’m Ella Austin. Proud owner of Austin and mother: Wedding Planner Extraordinaire! I am a proud resident of the “Roof Top” loft in Marriott Hotel. This resides in the great city of Boston, Massachusetts. Living alone is not an option for me; so my frisky friend, Chief the cat, lives his life sleeping on top of the fridge. Now you may think that I am just one of those crazy old ladies that lives alone with her cats, and knits all day long. Well, it just so happens that I am only 27, and only have one cat! My mother, a crazy old pain in the a**, says that it just isn’t right to not be married at my age. She just doesn’t understand that I will find a husband on my own time when I am ready. I’m in my prime; I don’t need a man to hold me back.
My two sisters, Lilly and Jess, are “perfect” in my mother’s bloated head. They are married, and reproduce like rabbits. All my mother cares about is grandchildren; that’s it! She can’t imagine one of us not being able to experience pregnancy on our own. Psht. If you ask me I’m not all too excited to squeeze a watermelon out of my hole. Mother says natural childbirth is the only way to go. Heck, I am not one for pain at all. So bring it on; bring on that Epidural baby!
I agreed to let my mother dearest set me up on two blind dates now. Both were the absolute worst dates EVER! The first guy, Charlie, was none the less; a doctor. Clean cut, proper family, and he even wore sweater vests. He took me to the opera; for what reason I will never know. Long story short, I crashed, snoring in the middle of a solo, loud as Uncle Jim in church! All these sappy women in their fancy dresses and disgusting furs balling their eyes out. And then there is me skirt, lace top, and leather boots. Ready for wing night down at Fat Louis’s Grill. When Charlie shook me to wake up, he scared the living daylights out of me. S***! Did I fall asleep? I hope no one heard me snoring. But to no surprise there were all those fancy ladies, jelly roles hanging over their knees staring straight at me! Even the opera singer pointed her fierce eyes straight into my comfort zone! Charlie just about wet himself. So obviously we got up and left. Let’s just say I never saw Charlie again.
Then there was Nick; the dentist. He smelled like that fluoride stuff with a hint of toothpaste that makes you want to puke your guts out. He was at least descent looking. Jeans, Jacket, sneakers, and long shaggy hair. I thought thank you Mama. He took me to watch a Red Socks game! The Socks are my boys. I love them! The night was going well until I discovered that the man had braces! Why would a 31 year old man need to have braces? A dentist of all people! Well he ain’t touching my teeth I can tell you that much! No way in hell! So I kinda, sorta, maybe told him I had “moved to Peru” after that one.
*Ring*….*Ring*….! Crap my phone is going off. Where did I put that dumb piece of plastic?! It has to be around here somewhere! “Chief! Hey there little buddy, do you hear that? Go find my phone like a good watch kitty,” Chief doesn’t budge, “Come on, you lazy old thing. FETCH!” *Chief brings me the phone in his mouth* “Thank you baby boy.” I wonder where he found this blasted thing.
My mother and I have been best friends since I was little. I could tell her anything and everything. Always going shopping together, or making cakes in my Easy Bake Oven. Ever since I graduated college she has changed; changed for the worse.
See my dad left us when I was a sophomore in high school; he just never came home. I don’t know where he is, or even how to start looking. You see one night my mom and dad got in a fight over his “irresponsible ways” as my mom would put it. He was always out drinking, and doing hell knows what with his friends.
I don’t remember a time in my life where dad was home at night. I would be in bed when he would finally come home; if he ever came up stairs I would pretend I was sleeping. He would always come home hammered. Mom was affected most from my father’s leave. She cares about me and my sisters, yes, but wants us to find men who will love us forever; no matter what happens.
Ever since he left my mom and I haven’t been the same. We have gone days without speaking; weeks even. We have drifted farther than ever this time. When my dad left I didn’t feel much change at all. It feels just as it did when he was still here. Always sweet to his friends and nice to us when other people where around, but without them around is a completely different story. Let’s just say I don’t miss him all that much.