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Reflections of a Seventeen-Year-Old Girl

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On a Certain Someone

“You” is directed to a certain unnamed person who may or may not read this. If you are reading this I know you will try to defend yourself and justify your actions, but please don’t. I wrote this for myself, because you were a significant part of my life and skipping over that would be unfair to both me and others reading this.
Out of the sea of careless people around me, you were by far the worst. I say this not as a vindictive accusation but a mere fact. You let me down the most because I had unconditionally believed in you, and for that I was so stupid. You were the one solid person in my life for some time. You had kept me grounded, and I had immersed myself in you, as an escape from my own world. Suddenly you became another person I wanted to escape from.
I can see now that I centered too much faith in you. Though I knew we could no longer be as close, it still hurt as I felt you gradually stop caring about me.
Now this is not to say that we had a completely terrible friendship. A year ago, I felt completely safe and comfortable with you. You were so sincere, and your insecurity made you all the more real. For that I am grateful that I met you, but needless to say, that “you” did not last.
As time progressed I believe we both changed and grew apart. What happened in between from last year until recently seems so far away, and all I remember now is repeated disappointment. The condescending words you said stuck in the back of my head like a faint but low ringing sound. Did you not know how awful I would feel when you, out of all people, told me “cutting is one of the most stupid things someone can do”? Did you really feel it was necessary to point out things I was already self-conscious of. All I ever wanted was for you to say the words, “I’m here for you.”, but all I got was hurt.
I truly wish things had turned out differently. Although I wish you weren’t such an asshole, I mostly wish I had not relied on you as much as I did. I know you are capable of being supportive and patient and down-to-earth and I hope you find the courage to become a wonderful being again, but I no longer need you to be.
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