This black hole I used to call home frequently made me feel cold and alone.
It’s always been split in two.
I’m stuck in the middle
I don’t know which way to turn.
Both hands are tied
He constantly lies
I was running out of time.
I lived a hard and lonely life,
Until I was told fight or flight.
I put a smile on my face to hide all of the lies and the pain,
But I can only hide it for so long.
I constantly try to act strong, especially when someone comes to ask “What’s wrong?” The fake smile I wear, will someday flake, shatter, and crack.
But what’s worse is that I won’t be able to get it back.
I am judged for being myself and focusing on school,
Because that’s how I avoid knowing my dad is home and drunk acting like a fool. He’s throwing his life away one beer at a time,
Yet when I call he says “Everything is fine”
He constantly talks about how he loves alcohol and beer,
But what he doesn’t know is that alcohol is my new worst fear.
While I’m at my mom’s taking out the trash,
I am terrified I’ll get a call saying my dad’s been in a crash.
When he drinks I pray to god he won’t drive,
But he makes the wrong decision saying “I promise I’ll be fine”
One day he won’t be so lucky and I wish he understood,
“I’m sorry we did everything we could”