I still remember when I first
Fell in love,
In that dangerously small hotel room.
Our eyes bleary, voices sleepy, but hearts consumed with youth.
I look over at you, perfectly strewn across that bed,
And leaving was no longer an option.

But loving you was different.
It was an unhurried descent into
The sweetest torture I ever felt—
A flawless prism with light shining through,
Casting shadows of countless small moments,
Each satisfied with
Overwhelming me slowly.

And there aren’t many of those
Idyllic lights—times when it was fine
To just exist.
And that’s ok because
I haven’t done anything particularly deserving.
But it must mean something,
That those fleeting moments are all with you.
Right?

One beam that struck,
And fragmented into those thousand beautiful things,
Happened when
We were parked outside your house,
Way past your curfew,
Your dad anxiously searching,
With my arms wrapped around your beautiful waist.
I remember feeling the touch of that infinite psychosis,
Because all I could think was,
Here,
And now,
I have you.

Nowadays, those lights are just
Slightly dimmer,
And the prism’s refraction is just
Slightly distorted.
But it’s enough to throw an afterimage of
The same gorgeous girl,
Who gave more love than the universe owed,
Except this time she’s walking away.

Does that mean we’ve
Fallen out of love?
Just because,
We both know you have to go,
And are willing to accept it as
Some vicious cruelty life planned for us?

You seem to think so,
Because you want to “take a break.”
Because you want to “just be friends.”
Because you’re afraid that love lifts you up,
Higher and higher,
Until you’ve lost sight of the ground,
And then vanishes,
Sending you plummeting back to this hateful world.
And you’ll do anything to avoid the pain.

But how can I blame you?
You’ve never been a stranger to hurt.
You say you’ve always wanted more than you’ve been wanted,
And that’s taught you that maybe love is a one-sided affair.
How can that be true,
If thinking of you leaving terrifies me?
How can that be true if I still need you?
If I still love you?

However, you said you were afraid to keep going,
Because you’re not good at fixing yourself,
And this would break you.
But I am.
But, how can I fix you
Without touching you,
When fixing you
Needs touching you,
But touching you
Is what broke you?

But I don’t pretend to be able to
Fill that indifferent hole
Experience has carved into your soul.
Instead, all I promise is that with
A little more hope,
A little more time,
A little more you,
Maybe we can earn our share of paradise.