Our Baby Bear

March 7, 2017
By missfloetry SILVER, Forest Park, Illinois
missfloetry SILVER, Forest Park, Illinois
7 articles 1 photo 25 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Don't mistake my kindness for weakness. I am kind to everyone, but when someone is unkind to me, weak is not what you are going to remember about me."
-Al Capone, American Gangster


You are our baby bear
Conceived on the 2nd of May
The silhouettes draped you in blue
Layers all brand new, you were confused by the sounds
You smelled of Johnson & Johnson’s products, soft and refreshing
Dosed in your momma’s love, sweat, and blood, jubilation surrounded you

You are our baby bear
With curly hair, big beautiful eyes, a new addition to society
And each day you kept crying, and crying, and crying, and crying
Your momma’s main priority and I didn’t need no rooster, you woke me up cordially
Developing your lungs so you can speak many words later

You are our baby bear
Enjoying samples of many things - Oh no, not my paper!
I watched you attempt to take your first steps, saw your frustration
Nonetheless, you kept trying until there was no hesitation
But you soon discovered places we didn’t want you to go…
Oh no!

You are our baby bear
Christian, let this sink in your infant mind, I’m proud of the things you know
Even though you love to jump in my bed, and laugh at me when I scream
Opening my door, as old as can be, producing an eerie creak
Full of joy, you don’t notice the annoying squeak

You are our baby bear
And some days you like to peek into my room, just to see my reaction
I think you enjoy spending your days, laughing and laughing, and laughing
You’re only three, you can count by four’s, and open the basement door
If you’re hungry, you say you  want more, identify letters out of order, saying
Words for every letter we call out, you are a sprout but without a doubt
Amazing

You are our baby bear
For entertainment, you watch Peppa Pig, and whenever there’s big
Muddy puddles, you jump in them, making a big splash
But I’m so glad for all the things you have
Your words will not drown in the deep ocean because you so much to say
Never go to bed on time, cause you like to sing
Used to confuse Grandma with Mommy, but now you’re noticing
The people who influence you the days that you live, and what you give
A sense of delight, and contentment throughout every dark night
As brave as they come, never filled with fright, you already know how to ride your bike
I look to the sky and wish that your future is bright, I hope you’ll never have to fight with all your might

Look baby bear, I know you’re going to be different than the rest
I can see it in your eyes, the way you laugh, the way you stare at the sky
I just hope that you’ll never have to cry, and if there is a test, you will do your best

You are our baby bear
And I hope that when you grow up, they won’t judge you by the clothes you wear, you will embrace your kinky hair, every feeling you have you will share, that you become aware of your reality, you’re never filled with despair, and you won’t care who’s there,
Cause you are our baby bear


The author's comments:

This poem was intended for my school's Art's Night, and I didn't tell my mom about this at all because I wanted to surprise her. I thought writing about my nephew, which is her grandson, and saying how much I love him would bring happiness in her heart. He is truly our baby bear.


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This article has 5 comments.


on Mar. 22 2017 at 10:13 pm
i.will.edit.for.you BRONZE, Oakdale, Connecticut
1 article 0 photos 4 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Do you ever feel like your eye is giving birth?"

This line: "Your momma’s main priority and I didn’t need no rooster, you woke me up cordially" is somewhat confusing. Were you trying to use the word "you're" or "you are?" I know that you fused the two sentences together for the sake of the rhyme scheme (which I really think is brilliant) but these two independent clauses are not directly correlated with each other. When you put two independent clauses together that aren't directly related, it sounds something like "The sky is blue today, I really like Batman." Instead, you'd have to split it into two sentences for it to be grammatically correct. Something like "You are Momma's main priority. And I don't need no rooster, you wake me up cordially."

on Mar. 20 2017 at 8:22 pm
missfloetry SILVER, Forest Park, Illinois
7 articles 1 photo 25 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Don't mistake my kindness for weakness. I am kind to everyone, but when someone is unkind to me, weak is not what you are going to remember about me."
-Al Capone, American Gangster

Thank you so much for your feedback! I really appreciate it. I didn't even notice the errors I've made. This really helps, and I can definitely understand how I sort of forced the words to rhyme. Thank you so much, @hwoodruff98!

hwoodruff98 said...
on Mar. 17 2017 at 5:33 pm
hwoodruff98, Lititz, Pennsylvania
0 articles 0 photos 60 comments
Overall, this was a very sweet poem, and I could tell that it was a more personal piece. I do have a few comments and edits to suggest, though, so I'll leave them below. 1) Love the subtle rhyming of "blue" and "new." Subtle rhyming gives a nice musical quality to any piece. 2) In the first stanza, it should be "doused" instead of "dosed" 3) In the second stanza, there is an error in verb tense. It should be "Developing your lungs so you could speak many words later" 4) The detail of the door opening is very specific, and, therefore, makes the piece more realistic. However, it was unclear to me that the words "as old as can be" were referring to the actual door and not the act of opening it. You could fix this by something as simple as adding the word "which" to make it: "Opening my door, which is as old as can be and produces an eerie creak/ You are full of joy..." 5) "For entertainment" sounds a bit awkward and detached when speaking about a small child. Maybe just say "When Peppa Pig comes on, you give a big, toothy smile" or "When Peppa Pig comes on, you squeal in delight" 6) In the 6th stanza, you are missing the word "have" in "You have so much to say" 7)For the lines "I hope you never have to fight with all your might" and " if there is a test, you will do your best," I think, perhaps, this might be forcing the rhyme a little bit and in cliche ways. I think these same sentiments could be expressed better without trying to force the words to rhyme. For example, something like "I hope you never have to fight off the entire world" or "I know you will do you will meet challenges in the future, but you will rise far, far above them" 8) When directly addressing someone, even in an apostrophe, you should use commas: "Look, baby bear" 9) The last stanza is really sweet, but perhaps you could break it up a little? Something like this might work well: "You are our baby bear/ And I hope that when you grow up, they won’t judge you by the clothes you wear/ (THAT) you will embrace your kinky hair/ (THAT) every feeling you have you will share/ That you become aware of your reality/ (THAT YOU WILL NEVER BE) filled with despair/ and you won’t care who’s (not?) there/ Cause you are our baby bear" So, I suppose I had more than a few comments. Oh well. I hope they help you in your editing process! I just want to end by saying that this was a very sweet poem. Thanks for sharing it. I'm sure your mother was very touched by it. :)

on Mar. 15 2017 at 11:59 am
missfloetry SILVER, Forest Park, Illinois
7 articles 1 photo 25 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Don't mistake my kindness for weakness. I am kind to everyone, but when someone is unkind to me, weak is not what you are going to remember about me."
-Al Capone, American Gangster

@valkyrie1212 Thank you!

on Mar. 10 2017 at 10:18 pm
valkyrie1212 BRONZE, Adelaide, Other
2 articles 0 photos 34 comments
Love this!


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