For each tear I let fall,
I plant a flower,
so I knew I was as beautiful
as each petal that bloomed.
It seems you were only thinking about yourself
when you were out having fun
while daddy and I were in pain
lying on the floor of the church,
our tears leaking down our cheeks
like christ’s blood,
but He can’t forgive your sin-
no matter how much you pray.
Is it worth it seeing your baby girl’s bleed
worth it?
Is seeing her bloodshot eyes when you sleep
enough for you to feel sorry?
Did you enjoy the time away from me
while I was sleeping in a room far from you,
letting the doctors try to heal the wounds
inside me, that you cause me?
Were you with him,
committing the very sin
that caused our family to rip apart?
You weren’t there
when daddy would pour antiseptics
on my wrists.
You weren’t there
when I fell to sleep
from tiny capsules.
You weren’t there
when I would cry so hard
I could no longer breath without an inhaler called love.
You weren’t there
when I called you
because it went straight to voicemail.
When will you realize
that my eyes are the same color as yours,
and my nose forms the same curve,
and my lips are just as pink
as the lipstick you put on for him?
When will you be the one to hold me
when the ice water washes through me,
and wants me to forget everything
you, and everyone else, did to me?
I just want you to be here.