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Relapse
July 27, 2014
Today I actually opened my mouth
Wide, as if I would be able to see
my empty stomach in the mirror
and realized I've gotten myself here
Again without trying or really
Realizing or even trying to stop
myself.
I never wanted to be here again,
but now (as before)
I'm finding I don't ever want to leave.
© Tabatha B., Peoria, IL
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JOIN THE DISCUSSION
This article has 8 comments.
I think the stream-of-consciousness style definitely worked here. (It's also the way I write most often, so I am partial towards it. :)) The opening image is fantastic, and I love the way the mood shatters on the third line from intrigued to devastated. You've captured a very real sense of the desperation here; thank you for sharing that.
ThePoeticJustice PLATINUM said...
on Mar. 4 2015 at 7:16 pm
XD I had been here when u first made it...... I just didn't know I had to rate XD please forgive me lol
I love somewhat short poems that give you everything you need, make you FEEL so much more than you'd expect to :) I love how it's not too wordy or too..."poetic" in a sense, like it seems like you're just writing your thoughts down in a diary, if that makes sense? this makes it feel real, SO real - not sure if these are based on your past experiences or not, but nonetheless excellent job :):):)
No-one-knows-me.. PLATINUM said...
on Oct. 20 2014 at 6:44 pm
great poem, I love it. It shows some of the problems that people face, like eating disorders and such. you have a talent and I would love to see more of your work
SpringRayyn PLATINUM said...
on Sep. 27 2014 at 11:47 pm
That's a good point, thanks for the feedback! I wish TI didn't mess with the spacing like they do, otherwise I think it would be easier to read and understand if they didn't move my words around to fit their format instead of mine. xP I do see what you mean with the repetition of some of the words and how that can be a little confusing (especially with TI messing up the format).
AprilNicoleJones BRONZE said...
on Sep. 26 2014 at 2:41 pm
*Excuse me, not "wants". Want. My error. :)
AprilNicoleJones BRONZE said...
on Sep. 26 2014 at 2:40 pm
Wow...the emotion you've put into this poem is intensely strong. From what the poem describes, I can only assume it's about an eating disorder. I love how you drop hints but never completely give the meaning away. I especially love how you begin the poem, it's an instant hook that made me wants to keep reading and know more. The only thing I would fix, and this is only if we're being nitpicky, is that near the end of the poem you use the words "again", "trying", and "or" twice each, which threw me off just slightly. (...and realized I've gotten myself here/Again withought trying or really/Realizing or even trying to stop myself). However, those are pretty minor things. Overall, I found this poem to have great emotional depth and I'm very impressed. :)
