Slacker's Lament | Teen Ink

Slacker's Lament MAG

February 28, 2014
By Anonymous

I can look for a better way to say it,
or I can say it simply.
I’M BORED.
Bored with searching and finding and
losing and life,
bored with looking for a better way to say the things in my mind,
and bored with looking for hidden,
true beauty
among the dryness of my modern life and computer light.

Oh. And the construction and earthworks.
I tire of the dirt
and decay and decay and decay
that starts from birth and continues on
in life,
extending into some dumb kid’s decaying words.

yet, it –
the beauty – exists.
just not most of the time.
Most of time it’s this.
too tired to dream or think,
while my soul sits surrounded by the
midnight and shagginess and
sickness
So I write. Because whynot.
I write though I know there is nothing
to find.

Nothing here
but digital notes, random minds,
nebulous neurons and the strings that
they ride.
Strings that connect nothings to not-much-maybes,
roads ending in culdesacs.

Yet I still try to rhyme.
I guess the answer deals with time –
I have plenty of it
and I’m wasting it while fearfully waiting to die.
Additionally, we’re all looking for patterns in this poor patchwork
made by a madman or a monster or nothing but the
driest of science
(like it has been foretold in the dvds they pop in at school.
the ones where the twitching rationalists compare Bhor’s boorish experiment to vintage video games,
so the cool kids think they’re chill
[and so is science!].
Though, if that’s science, I no longer
can consider myself a man of
objectivity and earth.)

To continue with earlier assertions,
now recalled,
I’m also bored of repeated words.
Such as:
“Why
so bored with life, son?”
If the random world offers us each a
personal refrain,
this is the one I hear.
If I was meaner I’d say “neither of us know life, maybe.
And in a worst-case scenario,
my simple, easy dreams are no better
than yours,
you sicko.”

So, to repeat,
I AM BORED.
I long for the trees and the cold winter wind ripping into my flesh,
as I lie under fresh deer furs, still slicked with frozen fat,
and touch someone else’s skin,
feel the curve of their back,
swallow their rich scent and find no
boredom in that,
while hoping neither of us ever decays
or ages,
or at least never ages into something sunken and strange,
while wind whistles through the cave
and I try to find contentment in the stars
and their endless reign
over the night, until time collapses
and all that was birthed is returned to the oblivion or greatness whence it came.

but no, not that.
it’s not that way.
and best leave words like “whence” to Wordsworth and the dead-breed,
so elevated in their simplicity.
Don’t want to sound like a parody of
your average dewy-eyed
boy-“poet” with his dreams and dramas.

But I truly do want that wild wind
to blow in my heart and on my skin.
I want emotion,
because I’m bored with misplaced cynicism,
and bored of being civilized.

Such senseless, weak words
I write.
A moan would contain more heavenly depth.
I’ll turn to the stars and exhale all my breath
in a wordless song and then breathe in
the night deeply.
I’ll never be of bored of fresh air,
only breathing
and its maddening motion and steadiness
when stuck in this, comfortable, though shabbily furnished room,
with the rabbit-eared tv and chipped
wardrobe,
in the throne that I was tied into by no one but everyone.
Oh, boring world!



Similar Articles

JOIN THE DISCUSSION

This article has 5 comments.


on Oct. 30 2015 at 3:02 pm
lexmoulton BRONZE, Lawrence, Kansas
1 article 0 photos 2 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Liberty is telling people what they do not want to hear." ~ George Orwell

really brings my poetry into perspective. you are incredible, and this is the best poem I've read all month.

on Oct. 25 2015 at 12:05 am
dappled.sunlight SILVER, Toronto, Other
7 articles 2 photos 10 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Plant a tree in your heart, and a songbird will come." -Chinese Proverb

Wow. You really captured your emotion. I can definitely identify with how you're feeling :)

on Oct. 22 2015 at 7:16 pm
Hellomynameis..... BRONZE, Celeste, Texas
2 articles 0 photos 2 comments
THAT. WAS. PHENOMENAL. (I don't have an insightful comment... I just wanted to tell you, "THAT. WAS. PHENOMENAL.")

on Oct. 15 2015 at 12:05 pm
ChristianCapers PLATINUM, Dublin, Ohio
25 articles 8 photos 16 comments

Favorite Quote:
I don't get embarrassed, I embarrass.

Magnificent. This is what a lot of people are thinking and you can be their voice and inspiration!

on Oct. 7 2015 at 9:58 pm
SpidersAcrossStars PLATINUM, Hayward, California
36 articles 0 photos 160 comments

Favorite Quote:
For you, a thousand times over.

Dear anon, you have captured my soul. I kept having to catch my breath while I was reading and re-reading this. Just the other day, I was sitting at my lunch table at school. It was a little too warm for comfort and I had this dull headache that I always have. And as I stared at the lifeless field, I just kept thinking about the futility of this little dumb school shoved into the pit of this little dumb suburbia and I looked at my half-friends and said, "I wish a deer would run by or something." I don't know if I am making any sense at all right now, but what I am trying to communicate is that you have successfully put into words what I have been feeling so deeply these past couple of months. I have been sinking into nothingness and finding this right now and knowing that I am not alone has- I don't know. I don't have the words. I feel like I want to cry of joy and pain at the same time. This was beyond beautiful and you are amazing. I just don't have the words. Thank you. I just don't have the words. Don't have 'em, don't have 'em.