Stop! No, You Stop!

July 25, 2013
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Here we go again.
Days drift off like balloons.
Everytime the sky fills up
with a retreating color,
I still wonder about you.

Notes tied on become rained out.
Messages dry in time.
Smeared words can't be found.
I'll never know what you meant.

A visible sadness is ignored.
A hug might help,
but thorns rise now.
Screams drown out the intention.

Second nature yells.
Forget about the balloon.
By the time you look,
she's gone too.

Pain flys away,
capturing any hope of love.
Heartstrings were so close,
but stray so far away now.
Tiptoes make you fall hard.

Inevitable end,
stuck on play
until the scenes sink in.
It wasn't supposed to happen this way.





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This article has 16 comments. Post your own now!

my.freedom.lies.in.free.verse This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Aug. 2, 2013 at 4:28 pm
"Tiptoes make you fall hard." Ahhh, I love that line. The first and second stanzas are very beautiful. Good job
 
WriteOrWrong replied...
Aug. 3, 2013 at 10:54 am
Thank you! I appreciate that.
 
sarah98 said...
Aug. 1, 2013 at 6:07 pm
this is great! i love the seconod verse the best, it really added just the hint of sadness to balance the poem out. fantastic job!
 
WriteOrWrong replied...
Aug. 1, 2013 at 6:50 pm
Thank you for your feedback!
 
writefearless said...
Aug. 1, 2013 at 9:39 am
i so love the lines, Pains flys (flies) away, capturing any hope of love... Tiptoes make you fall hard, i think they are very meaningful. amazing piece :)
 
WriteOrWrong replied...
Aug. 1, 2013 at 3:57 pm
Thank you! Flies, I know, such a frivilous mistake. Silly me :)
 
LoonyLoopyLupin said...
Jul. 31, 2013 at 4:33 pm
The last stanza in particular really speaks to me. "stuck on play/ until the scenes sink in". Beautiful. I also love the balloon metaphor. You have a really cool way of expressing your perspective: I've read a few of your things, and you've got such a distinct voice going on. It's great. I like the way you write. :)
 
WriteOrWrong replied...
Jul. 31, 2013 at 7:27 pm
A distinct voice! Yay! Thank you or reading. And it's interesting that you likes te last stanza. I actually wasn't sure about that one, I was considering removing it so thank you for that. Let me know if you would like any feedback.
 
Krasota-Butterflies-and-Angels This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Jul. 31, 2013 at 2:45 pm
I love how you used short lines to really get your action across. Have you ever attempted fiction? I personally think it would be a great avenue for you as you have already mastered the action bits. :D Anyways, keep on writing!
 
WriteOrWrong replied...
Jul. 31, 2013 at 3:45 pm
Thank you so much! I actually have. I wrote a piece for a contest last month, and ever since then I have been writing fiction short stories. Right now I am waiting for three of them to be published on teen ink. 
 
Superhero_Fan said...
Jul. 30, 2013 at 3:16 pm
Great job! I don't know why, but I think the last line was my favorite. It just seemed the most powerful to me! This sounded like a romance, and on the line 'she's gone too.' I felt sad for him. My only critique, is that on  the first line of the fifth stanza, it says 'pain flys away'. I think you meant 'flies'. That's all I could find though! Good job, and keep it up!
 
WriteOrWrong replied...
Jul. 30, 2013 at 4:57 pm
Thanks! Oops that's embarrassing! I had a late night with this one so my brain wasn't really at its editing best. I will make sure to change that.
 
Mckay This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Jul. 29, 2013 at 6:39 pm
I dunno why people find free verse difficuly to read or understand. Great free verse is just as beautiful as lyrics. Keep writing! Don't quit. I love the imagery and metaphor. Any critiques? I'm not sure. Just keep at it. 
 
WriteOrWrong replied...
Jul. 30, 2013 at 4:55 pm
Thanks for the encouragement!
 
Mckay This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. replied...
Jul. 31, 2013 at 2:10 pm
No prob! 
 
SwanSong This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Jul. 26, 2013 at 8:40 am
This is a really nice poem with a lot of potential. Again, I love your choice of a running metaphor, but I think some of your word choices are off. This sounded really good spoken aloud with no rhythm, but its because I couldn't find a rhythm to it. I'm not sure if this was intentional or not, but it kind of worked. Other than that, nice work!
 
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