Stop! No, You Stop!

July 25, 2013
By WriteOrWrong BRONZE, Grosse Pointe, Michigan
WriteOrWrong BRONZE, Grosse Pointe, Michigan
3 articles 0 photos 105 comments

Favorite Quote:
Sometimes you just need to take a nap and get over it. -Maura Stuard


Here we go again.
Days drift off like balloons.
Everytime the sky fills up
with a retreating color,
I still wonder about you.

Notes tied on become rained out.
Messages dry in time.
Smeared words can't be found.
I'll never know what you meant.

A visible sadness is ignored.
A hug might help,
but thorns rise now.
Screams drown out the intention.

Second nature yells.
Forget about the balloon.
By the time you look,
she's gone too.

Pain flys away,
capturing any hope of love.
Heartstrings were so close,
but stray so far away now.
Tiptoes make you fall hard.

Inevitable end,
stuck on play
until the scenes sink in.
It wasn't supposed to happen this way.



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This article has 16 comments.


on Aug. 3 2013 at 10:54 am
WriteOrWrong BRONZE, Grosse Pointe, Michigan
3 articles 0 photos 105 comments

Favorite Quote:
Sometimes you just need to take a nap and get over it. -Maura Stuard

Thank you! I appreciate that.

on Aug. 2 2013 at 4:28 pm
my.freedom.lies.in.free.verse PLATINUM, Tosa, Wisconsin
24 articles 0 photos 65 comments

Favorite Quote:
"I'm in love with you, and I know that love is just a shout into a void, and that oblivion is inevitable... and I know the sun will swallow the only earth we'll ever have, and I am in love with you." Augustus Waters

"Tiptoes make you fall hard." Ahhh, I love that line. The first and second stanzas are very beautiful. Good job

on Aug. 1 2013 at 6:50 pm
WriteOrWrong BRONZE, Grosse Pointe, Michigan
3 articles 0 photos 105 comments

Favorite Quote:
Sometimes you just need to take a nap and get over it. -Maura Stuard

Thank you for your feedback!

sarah98 BRONZE said...
on Aug. 1 2013 at 6:07 pm
sarah98 BRONZE, Holyoke, Massachusetts
1 article 0 photos 406 comments

Favorite Quote:
It is better to write for yourself and have no audience than write for your audience and have no self.

this is great! i love the seconod verse the best, it really added just the hint of sadness to balance the poem out. fantastic job!

on Aug. 1 2013 at 3:57 pm
WriteOrWrong BRONZE, Grosse Pointe, Michigan
3 articles 0 photos 105 comments

Favorite Quote:
Sometimes you just need to take a nap and get over it. -Maura Stuard

Thank you! Flies, I know, such a frivilous mistake. Silly me :)

on Aug. 1 2013 at 9:39 am
writefearless SILVER, Manila, Other
8 articles 0 photos 48 comments

Favorite Quote:
scare your fear before it scares you.

i so love the lines, Pains flys (flies) away, capturing any hope of love... Tiptoes make you fall hard, i think they are very meaningful. amazing piece :)

on Jul. 31 2013 at 7:27 pm
WriteOrWrong BRONZE, Grosse Pointe, Michigan
3 articles 0 photos 105 comments

Favorite Quote:
Sometimes you just need to take a nap and get over it. -Maura Stuard

A distinct voice! Yay! Thank you or reading. And it's interesting that you likes te last stanza. I actually wasn't sure about that one, I was considering removing it so thank you for that. Let me know if you would like any feedback.

on Jul. 31 2013 at 4:33 pm
LoonyLoopyLupin GOLD, Raynham, Massachusetts
13 articles 0 photos 52 comments

Favorite Quote:
"I am proud of who I am. I believe in what I do." -Pavel Chekov (Star Trek The Original Series, episode: "The Way To Eden")

The last stanza in particular really speaks to me. "stuck on play/ until the scenes sink in". Beautiful. I also love the balloon metaphor. You have a really cool way of expressing your perspective: I've read a few of your things, and you've got such a distinct voice going on. It's great. I like the way you write. :)

on Jul. 31 2013 at 3:45 pm
WriteOrWrong BRONZE, Grosse Pointe, Michigan
3 articles 0 photos 105 comments

Favorite Quote:
Sometimes you just need to take a nap and get over it. -Maura Stuard

Thank you so much! I actually have. I wrote a piece for a contest last month, and ever since then I have been writing fiction short stories. Right now I am waiting for three of them to be published on teen ink. 

on Jul. 31 2013 at 2:45 pm
Carpe-Caffeam GOLD, No Where, Florida
10 articles 0 photos 445 comments

Favorite Quote:
“If it weren’t for the coffee, I’d have no identifiable personality whatsoever.” –David Letterman

I love how you used short lines to really get your action across. Have you ever attempted fiction? I personally think it would be a great avenue for you as you have already mastered the action bits. :D Anyways, keep on writing!

Mckay ELITE said...
on Jul. 31 2013 at 2:10 pm
Mckay ELITE, Somewhere, Virginia
146 articles 0 photos 2260 comments

Favorite Quote:
"The people who are crazy enough to think they can change the world are the ones who do."
—Apple’s “Think Different” commercial, 1997
“Crazy people are considered mad by the rest of the society only because their intelligence isn't understood.”
― Weihui Zhou

No prob! 

on Jul. 30 2013 at 4:57 pm
WriteOrWrong BRONZE, Grosse Pointe, Michigan
3 articles 0 photos 105 comments

Favorite Quote:
Sometimes you just need to take a nap and get over it. -Maura Stuard

Thanks! Oops that's embarrassing! I had a late night with this one so my brain wasn't really at its editing best. I will make sure to change that.

on Jul. 30 2013 at 4:55 pm
WriteOrWrong BRONZE, Grosse Pointe, Michigan
3 articles 0 photos 105 comments

Favorite Quote:
Sometimes you just need to take a nap and get over it. -Maura Stuard

Thanks for the encouragement!

on Jul. 30 2013 at 3:16 pm
Superhero_Fan SILVER, Tomorrowland, California
7 articles 1 photo 163 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Impossible; for How many people did you know who refracted your own light to you?” - Fahrenheit 451

Great job! I don't know why, but I think the last line was my favorite. It just seemed the most powerful to me! This sounded like a romance, and on the line 'she's gone too.' I felt sad for him. My only critique, is that on  the first line of the fifth stanza, it says 'pain flys away'. I think you meant 'flies'. That's all I could find though! Good job, and keep it up!

Mckay ELITE said...
on Jul. 29 2013 at 6:39 pm
Mckay ELITE, Somewhere, Virginia
146 articles 0 photos 2260 comments

Favorite Quote:
"The people who are crazy enough to think they can change the world are the ones who do."
—Apple’s “Think Different” commercial, 1997
“Crazy people are considered mad by the rest of the society only because their intelligence isn't understood.”
― Weihui Zhou

I dunno why people find free verse difficuly to read or understand. Great free verse is just as beautiful as lyrics. Keep writing! Don't quit. I love the imagery and metaphor. Any critiques? I'm not sure. Just keep at it. 

on Jul. 26 2013 at 8:40 am
SwanSong SILVER, Millville, New Jersey
9 articles 0 photos 54 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take but by the moments that take our breath away."

This is a really nice poem with a lot of potential. Again, I love your choice of a running metaphor, but I think some of your word choices are off. This sounded really good spoken aloud with no rhythm, but its because I couldn't find a rhythm to it. I'm not sure if this was intentional or not, but it kind of worked. Other than that, nice work!


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