He Didn't Make It.

July 25, 2013
Custom User Avatar
More by this author
There's nothing you can say,
nothing you can do,
when the leaves fall down.

Summer left as fast as she came
and not a word was said.
The air just echoed your name,
and the silence reigned.

Say it ain't so,
say you're not gone.
Tell me, sweet love,
you're still in my arms.

I wait for our eyes to meet.
Disappear as you will,
but return when the sun sleeps.
Save me from these haunting hours.

Not a word was said.
The air just echoed your name,
and the silence reigned.





Join the Discussion

This article has 15 comments. Post your own now!

Shailee M. said...
Aug. 5, 2013 at 11:27 am
Wow! This was really good! I feel like everyone connected to your poem in their own way. There was a definite mysterious element to the writing but that kept it interesting. The poem also flowed really well too! Great work! I loved it! (:
 
WriteOrWrong replied...
Aug. 5, 2013 at 3:55 pm
Thank you so much! I'm glad you liked it!
 
MissExploration said...
Aug. 1, 2013 at 4:36 pm
This is one of my favorite poems I have read so far! I don't really know what the narrator is talking about, but that is what I like about this poem. I can assume and think through what the person is saying. Each person who reads this should have a different view on what it means. Amazing job!
 
WriteOrWrong replied...
Aug. 1, 2013 at 6:48 pm
Thank you so much, that means a lot to me.
 
LoonyLoopyLupin said...
Jul. 31, 2013 at 4:26 pm
This poem makes me think. It's not clear to the outside reader what exactly you're talking about. That is by no means a bad thing. This is poetry, and the reader doesn't have to know everything, and the fact that you still got such a powerful feeling across while keeping the reader a little bit in the dark is beautiful. It gives this piece a delicate, mysterious mood. You managed to tell your story in a way that just about every reader can relate to in their own unique way. That... (more »)
 
WriteOrWrong replied...
Jul. 31, 2013 at 7:23 pm
Wow, that is such a compliment. Thank you so much! I'm glad it came across that way.
 
writefearless said...
Jul. 31, 2013 at 11:12 am
this is awesome! i love the paradox in  line, "Summer left as fast as she came"  it's so clever!  and also the repetition of the stanza, it added a more powerful effect. very good! :)
 
WriteOrWrong replied...
Jul. 31, 2013 at 3:41 pm
Thanks a lot! I really appreciate it. Let me know if you would like any more feedback, I'd be more than happy to.
 
Superhero_Fan said...
Jul. 30, 2013 at 3:07 pm
Wow. That was amazing! You had a steady rhythm, an even flow, and a touch af mystery. I loved how you incorporated the sun in the fourth stanza. Thank you for writing this!
 
WriteOrWrong replied...
Jul. 30, 2013 at 5:02 pm
Aww shucks, thank you! I am really happy you enjoyed it. You are too sweet!
 
Mckay This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Jul. 29, 2013 at 6:45 pm
Again, I have no critiques. Just to keep writing. Interesting title. And beautiful imagery. 
 
WriteOrWrong replied...
Jul. 31, 2013 at 3:58 pm
Just to let you know I commented on 'the Worlds Not Ready Yet,' and 'I Don't Believe in Counting Stars.'
 
Mckay This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. replied...
Aug. 1, 2013 at 5:37 pm
Yes, I'm sorry I haven't replied back yet. I'm so caught up right now with having to comment on like a million people right now. But thank you in advance. 
 
WriteOrWrong replied...
Aug. 3, 2013 at 10:56 am
Oh yeah, no problem, I just wanted to let you know that I had commented.
 
SwanSong This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Jul. 26, 2013 at 8:32 am
I have no critiques to offer you for this poem. The rhythm is flawless and your imagry in beautiful. The first stanza is strong and it sets up a nice beginning for the rest of the poem. Oh! I did notice, like your last poem, that you switch between referring to "her" in second person and third person. Personally, I like this more when it's in second person. Fantastic work!
 
bRealTime banner ad on the left side
Site Feedback