have it ever seemed like the dark got darker? has it ever seemed light couldn’t break through to help you escape the dark? that’s how it feels being here. i want to be able to see something besides this dark. someone help!


Spending all hours of the night trying to conceive yourself someone over a 100 years old doesn’t know you, kinda tires you when you try to pretend you're okay so your mom doesn't get worried. I push my eggs around my plate trying to not face plant into it. “AHHH!!” i jump and nearly fall off my seat as i feel a hand on my shoulder. “OH, gosh are you okay honey?” my mothers panicked voice gashes out. i nod my head and get up from my chair. My head is spinning as I shuffle to the living room. “hey honey, I'm going to head out for a little while okay?” she quietly voices as she grabs her purse. I shrug and lay on the love seat and begun to doze as I hear the door click.

“hey? Is anyone home?!” I bolt up as the shout echos into the living room. I dash over to the front door and swing it open. “what the hell do you want?!!” I grumble in a vulgar tone, as I rub the sleep from my gray orbs. “uh, why you being so rude?” the deep voice reply’s. My eyes open to find a pale skinned man staring at me. “sorry? Do I know you?” “you don’t remember me?” he doesn’t even try to hide the hurt in his voice. “of course she doesn’t. She locked her memories, remember?” I look past the man to see my mom shutting her car door. “what are you talking about?” I choke a little on the last word. “ill tell you when we all sit down to eat, okay?” my mom simply walks past.

We all sit around my moms old oak table as she cooks. I look over at the strange man. He looked normal. He had black hair, pale skin, and wore average clothes. He didn’t look to out of place, he could probably fit in just about anywhere. “take a picture it lasts longer.” he comments as his eyes follow my mothers ass as she dances around the kitchen. I growl and sink in my sit slightly. “aw there’s the girl I know.” he chuckles at my confusion. “stop pestering her Howard.” my mom laughs as she sets the food down and smiles at 'Howard'. “now can you explain?” I mumble and glare at the back of his head. She says and looks at her lap. “while you see, your a demon and your actually 276 years old.” my jaw is on the floor as she begins to put food on her plate calmly. “WHAT THE HELL!!?!” I scream and jump to my feet. “ and about 100 years ago you had met a boy you fell in love with. He was a neko and was only a year older then you. But after about 50 years of being together, he was kidnapped by some group. And you spent 32 years searching for him. But finally you gave up and locked your memories and powers into the necklace in your pocket.” I place my hand on my jeans remembering the jewelry. “but how is that possible? And where do you come into any of this?” I look at Howard accusingly. He rises his hands in defense, “ I'm your friend at least I thought so.” I tilt my head and rise my eye brow. “what are you two?” “I'm a reaper.” Howard smirks in a cocky manner. “I'm a death god.” my mom smiles as she places her fork down.

“honey, whats wrong?” my mom and Howard follow me as I speed walk to my room. I storm over to the portrait of the boy on my wall. “is this my lover?” I point to the painting. They both nod in unison. I dizzily sit down on my bed. “what was my father?” my mom sighs “he was a demon lord.” my head feels like it is going to explode as my mother continues where she left of in the kitchen. “and you did the locking spell to where you’ll get your memories on your 17 birthday.” she whispers the last part, trying to sound innocent. I snap my head up, “ that’s in a week!” she nods and motions me to follow her.

We stop in front of our families old wooden shed. “wait, what about my memories of being a child?” I ask a little frightened of the answer. “well when you locked your memories, you changed into a infant again.” “I knew I should be scared of the answer” I grumble sulkily under my breathe. Howard chuckles and tugs open the shed door. Dust, mold and lots of wood starts to fall. I cough and wave my hand, trying to clear the air.

“This should be fun” my mother smiles as she flips a switch and light floods the shed. My mouth hangs open at the newly exposed items. “this is your weapons and vehicles.” my mom states boastfully. My eye go wide as I walk over to the black chopper sitting waiting to be ridden. “its gorgeous.” I gasp audibly. I hear giggles behind me, but I don’t care. I look around at the other stuff. There were blades,guns,and lots of bullets. That’s when I see a set of keys on the wall right next to a chainsaw. “oh can I take it for a ride?” I plead. “okay but just don’t get a ticket.” my moms motherly voice comes out. “I'm a demon, and that’s what your worried about?” I give her a 'really, you've got to be kidding' look . She shrugs.

I speed down the rode as wind runs through my white hair. “uh?” I slow to a stop as a weird sense of daja vu hits me. I look at my surroundings. “I've never been here.” I whisper to myself, kind of squeamish. I look over at a field of flowers on the left side of the road. My eyes widen, as I see myself and the boy in the painting sitting in the field. He hands me a daisy and gently kisses my cheek. Then it disappears. I numbly touch my cheek where he kissed me. I could feel his lips. I fell a horrible pain shoot through my body as I fall to the ground. My vision blurs and slowly goes black as I see a pair of sneakers walk towards me.

how can someone be in total darkness but still dream in color? Can my colorful dreams bring back the light? Can my wishes bring it back? How can you even break a darkness this thick? It feels like its closing in on my body. I need to get away from here! I feel my body start to become agile as I long for safety in a lovers arms.
~~~~~~~~~~~

My eye lids feel like they weigh a ton. I cant feel past my stomach, legs are numb. Why cant I open my eyes? Why cant I move? I feel a scrubbing on my wrist as I try to move. I groggily open my eyes and see my jeans are ripped. I slowly left my head to see I'm in what looks like a ware house. Theirs wooden boxes everywhere, some broke, some sealed water tight. My eyes widen as my eyes focus on some blood right by my leg. I quickly move my leg away from it, but it only causes another puddle of blood to form in that spot. I start examining my leg to see lots of scrubs, gashes and cuts. I start looking at the rest of my body to see that the rest of my body is just as beaten as my legs. I lean my head over my shoulder to see my wrists are bound in ropes. I start fidgeting, trying to loosen the ropes. “great” I growl under my breathe. “oh good your awake easier to talk to a conscious person” I hear a smug voice snicker. I look where the voice came from to see a light haired and dark skinned well built man. “who the hell are you?” I hissed in pain while trying to untie my arms. “oh my dear I'm your uncle, James” I stare in shock at the man in front of me. “your lying!” I growl through clenched teeth. “aw, now why would I lie?” he smirks at my suffering. “cause family doesn’t kidnap and torture other family. You sadistic asshole.” my eyes are furious by the time he can lean his face down level to mine. “you most not remember what family you come from.” a vile grin forms on his face making him look like the Cheshire cat. He starts walking to the far door leaving me to my thoughts.

After about a hour of trying, I give up on getting my arms out. So I start to try to get feeling back in my legs. I hear a loud bang a little to my left. “hello? Someone here?” my voice shakes a bit. “sorry that was me.” I hear a very young angelic voice say. I spin my head to the left to see that a few boxes had fell and I could now see a young girl. She looked to be about six. My anger was boiling to the edge now. “why are you here sweety?” “i don’t know, my mom told me I was a Neko next thing I now I'm getting dragged out of my house.” her voice is shaking badly as tears start to flow down her face. Now I was beyond pissed! I feel a sting in my wrist. I look at my hands to see one inch claws have grown from my hand. I wiggle my finger to where the claw cuts the rope and with in a second I'm by the girl cutting her arms free. That's when I finally notice the same black ears and tail on her as on Damon. “whats your name?” I ask as I help her to her feet. “angel. And thank you miss.” she sounds a little less scared. I smile at her. Her eyes go wide as her steps back a foot. “your teeth are sharp.” I give her a confused look as I touch my tooth. “ah!” I pull my finger back to see its bleeding. “okay, ill deal with this later. Okay, sweety do you know where we are?” I ask politely. She nods a bit “what are you though?” I smile “a demon.” she giggles. I pull her to me as we hear a thud. “okay, lets get out of here.” she nods. I let her climb on my back, since she looked agile. I run over to the door I saw my 'uncle' go out. I pull on the held to find its locked on the other side. I growl and start clawing the door leaving huge gashes in the door. I let her off my back and kick the door as hard as I can. We both giggle at the door as it falls to the floor. I let her back on and walk out of the building into the flower field I saw earlier. “Sweety, where do you live?” I tilt my head back at her. “that way about a mile or two” she points to the north. I run to the edge of the field to find the road I was attacked on. “HEY! GET BACK HERE!” I hear James voice scream threateningly at us. She tightens her grip as I dash to my still parked bike. “I'm going to need you to hold on tight okay?” I slip on to the bike and pull in between the handle bars and me. She turns in her sit and wraps her arms and legs tightly around my body.

I turn the keys, surprised they didn't take them. The engine roars and I speed down the road. “I'm going to take you to my house to clean you up, okay?” I shout over the wind, once we were a good distance from the building. I feel her nod her head against my stomach, I could tell she was still terrified.

I scrabble to take out the keys as I park the bike back in the shed. Where the hell was my mom this whole time? Was she even worried? “are you okay?” angels delicate voice shakes me from my thoughts. I nod and grab her shaking hand.

I purposely slam the front door behind me. “mom?!” I shout worried. “in the kitchen honey.” hearing my mothers voice relaxes my tense shoulders a bit. I lead angel to the kitchen, to find my mom still sitting at the table talking to Howard. “mom? How long have I been gone?” I asked completely confused. “just a day, why? You always took very long rides.” she says looking at me like I'm the odd one. “oh you found Damon's sister? Hey honey.” my eyes are huge as I look down at the girl clinging to my arm. I see scenes of me, angel and Damon all playing in a yard, then they fade. I lean down and hug angel tightly. Tears stream down my colorless face as I feel her hug back. When I pull back I see she had grabbed the necklace from my pocket and is looking at it. “why'd you take it off?” she asks, pain tingeing her voice, as she spins the little heart. “i didn’t mean to, can you help me put it back on?” I smile weakly at her. She shakes her head yes and clasps it around my neck. As soon as the heart hits my skin I feel the air leave my lungs and my thoughts start flashing between my own and some other thoughts, that are familiar, yet very distant.

“what are you doing?” my voice shakes as I feel Damon touch my cheek and slowly lean closer. I've liked him since I first saw him but he always acted like we were just friends. “i love you” he chokes out right before I feel his cool lips press against my shaking ones. My knees start to buckle under neath me. His hand slips around my slim waist holding me up. I feel like crumbling jello in his muscular arms. I whimper slightly as we pull apart. My body is still vibrating with confusion and shock as I start to process what just happened.

“Caroline? Caroline wake up.” I hear two voices intertwining as I lazily open my eyes. I see the living room ceiling and my mother's,angel's and Howard's concerned faces. “are you okay?” Howard asks slowly as I try to sit up. I nod. “i remember everything” I shakily whisper, trying to catch my breathe. My mother lets out a relieved sigh and puts her hand over her heart. I swear I nearly faint again as I feel my heart pound thunderously, then just freeze. “my hearts not beating?!” I shout horrified, jumping to my feet. Howard puts his hands on my shoulders and sits me back down. “dear, your a demon, your heart is stone.” he says slowly, letting it soak in. I have a stone heart? But I can still feel this pain? What is this pain? “here.” I look up at angel as she hands me a blanket. “it was Damon's, you need some rest okay?” she smiles sweetly. I gently grab the blanket and pull it around me. A strong scent hits me, like a brick wall and I start crying all over again. It was Damon's scent. Why does him being gone hurt so much? I feel small arms wrap around me. I smile through the tears at angel. “will you take a nap with me?” I ask. She nods and I lay back down and she cuddles up next to me. I wrap her up in the blanket as well. I breathe in deeply and let his scent lull me to sleep.

A icy wind touches my skin. I rub my numb fingers over my arms as I reach for the blanket. My eyes slid open when I cant find any sources of warmth. I'm in my room? Confusion is written all over my face. I swing my legs over the edge of the bed and stand. My mind swarms with thoughts. I grab my head as a large aching shoots through my brain. I wobble over to the portrait to see angel curled underneath it. My lips curve into a smile as I gently sit beside her and pull the blanket back around us both. “i miss him.” she sleepily whimpers. “we'll find him, I promise.” my voice shakes a bit, I guess I cant I conceive her if I'm not even conceived. She hugs me tightly and drifts to sleep. I run my fingers through her hair as I let my new remembered memories take me to dreamland.

an abyss forever unending. The eye of a tornado gone dark. Land disowned by god himself. That’s what this place feels like. I want to leave. I want to feel something besides the eery still frozen air.
“She looks peaceful.” “she is remembering everything.” “isn’t that what we wanted?” voices start to flow through my memories, where they don’t belong. I fight to cling to the dream of Damon. Trying to stay in the moment we were happy and together.

Feeling starts creeping back into my limps as I let myself wake. Unwillingly I open my eyes to see I'm still in my room under the portrait. I look around, realizing angel's gone along with the blanket, where did those voices come from? Pushing myself to my feet, I decide to get ready.

I trudge down the stairs to find an eery silence hanging in every room. I feel the eeriness start to grab hold of my calmness, chilling my spine. I quickly run to the living room, turning the TV on. Its some noise. Trying to shake the worry away, I start searching for someone, anyone. Finding nothing but emptiness, I let the panic win the war in my body. I dash back to my room and find my phone. I dial my mothers number, it goes straight to voice mail. “S***!” slipping on a jacket, I run to my bike. Nearly tripping over every little pebble I finally get to the keys and bike. As soon as I hear the roar, I take off.

Not knowing where to go, I just drive, trying to remember places I use to go. Where can they be? Why didn’t she answer her phone at least, or leave a note? A loud gr-ogling sound shakes me back to the present. I look down to realize I'm out of gas. “just freaking great!” I scream harshly to the wind. Slipping off the bike, I plop to the ground. I pick up a large pebble and skip it to the other side of the road, landing in the bushes. “hey!” my head snaps up to see James’s angry face. Rage starts to boil visibly in my eyes as I get to my feet. A deep growl rumbles through my body and out my lips, as I step closer to him. “where. Are. They?” each words hiss between my lips, each carrying venom, making him twitch.

“what are you talking about?” he takes a step back. “don’t. Play. Dumb.” my anger only increases from his ignorant answer. I can see goose bumps start to form on his skin and him shake, the closer I get. “oh you mean your family?” he puts a cocky smirk on to cover his cowardice. My calm snaps and lunge violently at his neck. The urge to rip him limp from limp spikes as I pinned him to the ground. “god damn it! where are they?” my face is so close to his my spit hits his face. Fear bubbles to the surface of his face, making me smile.

“their whee-re you had escaped from.” his voice cracks as I begin to close my fingers, one by one, around his throat. “pl-ease, st-op.” his voice grows distance as I hear a crack begin to form on his spine. “sorry, mercy never was my thing.” I hiss and spit on his lifeless face.

I swing the door off its hinges, bolting into the aluminum warehouse. Tearing apart anything that stood between me and rescuing my family. “who's there?” I can hear a weak, but hopeful voice whimper. I throw a box, like its a empty sack, out of my way. I fall to my knees and the air I had in my lungs vanished. I struggle to stay conscious, barely holding on to my sanity.

I weakly crawl to my mothers once beautiful, now torn body. I hug her lifeless shell to me, begging her to come back. “please, I cant lose you to. I need help. Please! “ I start shaking her slim shoulders, accidentally crushing her shoulder plates. “she's gone. Its useless.” I rotate my head to the left to see angel and Howard beaten and tied up. I don’t even try to hold the tears as I untie them both. The tears fall harder as angel clings to my numb body. Gently pushing angels small form away from me, I clumsily crawl back to my mother. I shakily close her eye lids, covering her haunting dead eyes. I place two coins on her eyes.
“to pay the fee.”

We all walk out of the building, me cradling angel in my arms and Howard painfully limping behind us. We are probably quite a sight. We get back to my bike and I lay angel on it and I just switch it to drive and push it. I see angel fall to sleep on the bike so I go a little slower. “I'm sorry, about your mom, I mean.” Howard's deep voice scares me a bit. I look at him and see pain in his eyes. “its okay.” I whisper, trying to end the heartbreaking conversion. I don’t think ill be able to talk about it for a while, maybe later, but very unlikely. My heart stings as I let the reality sat in. I feel Howard's arms slip around me as I just simply break apart inside. Pain wraps its suffocating cloak around my body, choking the consciousness out of me.

I wake to bright light shining right at me. I cringe, trying to get away from the unwelcome element. My skin feels like its being singed by blue flames. I hear a sizzle as my hand gets touched by the harsh light. Blackness descends on me as I begin to think I'm getting cooked alive. I feel a cool wool type fabric against my skin. “huh? What is this?” I wonder out loud, not really complaining though. “sorry, I forgot demons are allergic to the sunlight.” Howard's sympathetic voice calms me. “i felt like a sausage in a frying pan.” I groan sarcasm flowing in every word. He chuckles. I hear a scraping sound, like metal against metal. I pull the blanket down to see him draw dark crimson curtains over the paneled windows that had let the horrid light through. “thank you.” I say gratefully. He smiles and whispers “get rest, okay dear. Ill get you up when the sun goes to the other side of the earth. “wait, where are we?” I ask curiously.

“hell.”

~~~~~~
I wait to be found, will I be found? I dream of being free once again. Why am I even here? Am I dead? If so, how did I die? Is this hell? Or is this heaven? Or is this my own eternal torture.