TeenInk.com/forums?act=post&topic_id=17&thread_id=80027&rand=0.6116951263975352#reply1897733 I'll put the rest of my cmmt on this forum.

Alright. I promise it was excellent. I just get nitpicky when I see a lot of potential in something.(:

Thanks for getting to it, First I would like to say that weyland and webber are two different people. Second thanks for pointing out the errors. (Truly hard to find people who do so.) In the second chapter I only made doctor ross who is honestly just a doctor not a scientist and the engineer have small talk to show their reltionship.

This comment isn't posting all the way... I meant to have like a whole other section. I'll try later.

(Sorry about this mess)

Alien Desolation Cmmt: I told you I would get to it! (: I write my comments live btw so it may be kind of long. I apologize in advance. Ch 1 - Already love the chapter title. Pretty cool. If you're talking about how refined the ship is, I wouldn't use the word "scraps." That's kind of a nitpicky diction thing, but it makes a difference. Be careful with your grammar and punctuation inside dialogue. I know it might be something you might not want to focus on, but it's still necessary. Don't worry too much; it's a pretty ubiquitous problem. You also changed Webber/Weyland's name. Make sure your stuff is consistent. Again with the dialogue grammar... Here's an easy fix... Put your writing into more paragraphs, that is, separate it more just for the ease of the reader. I also feel the like the scientists would describe things in more detail than how they are. I understand if you're trying to make it easier for the reader, but you also have to make it realistic. Wow, I love the drama and intensity near the end. Really cool and it made me want to keep reading... Which I shall. Ch 2 - why would the scientists be making such small talk if everyone is dying??? I do like how casual the scientists are speaking. It makes it seem like it's not even scripted, like its a real conversation. I really like the description of the girls head wound. That was gruesome and awesome! Umm... I don't know anything about welding torches, but don't they need a cord to work? I might be wrong, but it's just a question of realism. "I kept the flashlight on the door with my mouth."

good book its more than brilliant its fabulous

Brilliant!

Teen onk= *Teen Ink* Spelling error. 

nice work 

I thought this was very creative and exciting as well, nice job!

The last sentance of the first chapter is supposed to end like -Webber spoke with a happier tone. - Teen onk screwed it up in the editing process. Thank you for reading.