My family and friends will tell you I was never really normal, but no one was prepared for what I had to tell them earlier this year.
Throughout my life I always felt like there was something missing, something that wasn’t right, a part of my life that wasn’t in balance. I tried doing new things: sports, dressing differently, going to therapy – but the real root of my problem was lying deep inside my brain. To be honest, I think a part of me knew what it was the whole time and I was just avoiding the truth because of how unaccepting my family is. But before I could be sure, I needed to do some research.
I spent months reading articles online, chatting with people in the same situation, and taking quizzes and tests on official websites trying to figure out exactly what I was feeling. What I learned would change my life. Gender dysphoria is when a person’s emotional and physical identity is opposite to their biological sex. A year ago I would have laughed at that idea. I was a closed-minded person because of the people I was hanging around with, but now I knew this described me.
Admitting this was a big step for me. Throughout my life I had asked myself, Why do I seem so much like a girl? Am I gay? Is there something wrong with me? and the answer was: yes, I am bisexual, and no, there is absolutely nothing wrong with who I am.
People commonly ask me, “What is like to be a girl who used to be a guy?” and my answer is, “I’m not a girl who used to be guy. I’m a girl who for so long has been tortured living in the body of someone I’m not and being constantly suppressed in fear that my family will stop loving me.”
Once I accepted this fact, I pondered how to tell others. My family, my friends, even my therapist – how do you bring that type of thing up to someone that for almost 17 years has seen you as a nerdy, funny guy? The thought of telling them was the most terrifying thing to ever cross my mind. My family consists of very different personalities. Plenty of them are kind, accepting, sweet, and genuinely nice people. But I also have family members who are close-minded, a tad racist, and overall not someone you’d want to tell this sort of thing to. I care about my family’s opinion of me. How would I open up to them about something like this?
I slowly started with my friends. I began by telling my two best friends, who both accepted me with open arms. My friend Chyenne told me to be who I want to be as long as it makes me happy, and my friend Karina said, “I’m so proud of you. It had to take a lot of guts to tell me this. I’m always going to be here for you, and if you need help with makeup, give me a call!” That was such a confidence boost.
Over  the next month or so, I opened up more and continued learning about sexual transition surgeries, hormones, and the psychological therapy I’d have to go through before undergoing the surgeries.
Finally came the triumph I was building up to ever since I learned I had gender dysphoria. After stressing, sweating, and having tremendous anxiety, it was time to tell my mom. All my friends joined me on a Skype call and helped me type the most important message of my life. Because of my anxiety I couldn’t face my mom and tell her in person. Instead, I sent her a sincere message, which started a long conversation about her accepting me, wanting me to be happy, being worried about the process because it’s long and dangerous, and finally accepting me wanting to continue the path to happiness as a girl.
My mom came upstairs, hugged me, and said, “I love you for whoever you are, and I’m going to help you all I can.” I burst into tears. It goes to show that the people who truly love you will be there for you. That is an amazing thing I learned from this experience.
I now believe you shouldn’t hide or limit your life out of fear of not being accepted for who you are. Chances are your loved ones will be happy for you. Shocked as they may be, they will be there. So never stop being you.