Facebook Activity

Teen Ink on Twitter

Home > Forums > Writers' Workshop Forums > Nonfiction > what she deserves.

Writers' Workshop Forums

Where teen writers share their work
Next thread » « Previous thread

what she deserves.

writerauter posted this thread...
Oct. 27, 2012 at 2:31 pm

she sits alone on the other side of the room
he sits 15 feet away against the other wall
she hides her face, the tears wont go away
he looks away, acting like he don't see
but she knows...she knows
she knows that her heart...is braking
into a million little pieces
and everyday, it is getting harder
she don't know what to say
as the pain cuts her deeper
than the blade she sets to her arms
and everyday it gets a little harder just to pray
shes broken down, on the ground, dying
running away, falling from grace
shes so confused, when he says to her
"i love you."
she thinks to herself, "if he does, why do i feel so unsafe."
he pulls her down, pushes her around
and when shes down on the ground
she sees what kind of man he has become
she cries everyday, don't know where to turn
he watches her burn
and laughs at her too
the roses are withered on the ground
she cant take it anymore
she flies away on tattered angels wings
to a place where there's a man
who will treat her like the jewel she really is
not like dirt, how he treats her.

Reply to this Thread Post a new Thread
CollegeEssays replied...
Oct. 28, 2012 at 10:52 am

This poem is way too depressing, it sounds like the girl that is being talked about in the poem is depressed and needs to seek help. 
Other than that, I would like to add that the format of the poem is ok, but it could have been better written and there are a lot of grammatcial errors. If you would like grammatical feedback you should post that and I'm sure people who review it would gladly give it to you. Thank you for posting :) You may have helped somebody who is struggling with a similar problem. 

Reply to this Thread Post a new Thread

Launch Teen Ink Chat
Site Feedback