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Feedback on an old piece?

SilentlyThinkingThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. posted this thread...
Oct. 28, 2017 at 10:45 am

my heaven is the sterilely-lit bathroom in the ungodly hours of the morning, everyone asleep but my mind still buzzing. or that trashy rest-stop somewhere in new jersey at 1 am, with cold onion rings and high on exhaustion and maybe a bit of a sense of fearlessness that's left over from sitting, restrained, upside-down at heights that should scare me but don't (because death should scare me, but doesn't) surrounded by strangers on all sides except to my left and to my right, where sit the strangest ones of all, the most unfamiliar- the ones i called my friends for no reason other than that I had no other word to use (acquaintance too far, brethren too close). my heaven is everywhere but here and now- especially nowhere and never. my heaven is where all clocks have stopped, where there's nothing left but gray (black is for the mourners, white's innocence that my father kept with him when he left the world) and everything is still and silent but the faint sound of clocks ticking in the past or the future that i'll never reach since time will not move anywhere.

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StephanyMoore3401 replied...
Oct. 28, 2017 at 6:22 pm

It is a good piece of work, but I would prefer you indent instead of having one whole paragraph. Spacing would capture the reader's attention more, in my opinion. The theme is unclear, I wasn't sure if it was about the sense of adventure, an escape, the lack of fear, or any of these. Overall, I would define your theme more, and space it out more.

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