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MakenzieLongThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. replied...
May 15 at 3:11 pm

I, MakenzieLong, understand that the feedback I will receive is just one person's opinion, and I will take it with a grain of salt
TeenInk.com/poetry/free_verse/article/955152/Done/
 

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Izzy777 replied...
May 15 at 11:51 pm

"I, Izzy777, understand that the feedback I will recieve is just one person's opinion, and i will take it with a grain of salt."
 
Title: Blind
You took of your glasses becuase you were intimidated
you figured that if you can't see them see you'd feel better
so you blindly live your life thinking people may judge you
but little did you know i was admiring you.

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Izzy777 replied...
May 15 at 11:53 pm

Correction:
you figured that if you can't see them stare you'd feel better.

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ambivalentThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. replied...
May 16 at 3:44 pm

I, ambivalent, understand that the feedback I will receive is just one person's opinion, and I will take it with a grain of salt. help with titling is also appreciated. my current ideas are only two swings, two swings, and acid rain.
 
sunflowers grow tangled

up the side of my playset,

turning away from the sunrise.

they prefer to watch the sidewalkers.

sometimes I find it funny

how the width of the sidewalk

adapts depending on if I’m walking

alone

or with you

or as the third friend –

me and you and your somebody new.
every time I meet her,

I check her clouds for pollution

but every time

her tear stains are like acid rain

on a righteous statue.
she holds your hand

so tight there’s bruises

in between your fingers,

but you never let go.
she ripped open your back,

assaulted you with her fingernails,

and I suture

your skin back together

in my makeshift playset hospital –

swings with sticky green chains and

a shallow sandbox opened only

for dead grass and rats and us.

you swing and the playset squeaks.

it’s too weary to hold this much weight.

there’s only two swings and i sit on the grass.

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addictwithapenThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. replied...
May 28 at 10:08 am

@Ana143
A Kind of Love:

In line 1, “Their” should be “There”.

I especially like the lines “The beauty that you seek/ is covered in May flowers”. A lovely image.

The inconsistencies in the rhyme scheme (it starts out ABBABB, but then switches to AACD) are jarring to the reader. Consider changing them.
How Long Will it Be:

In the last line, I think you meant “and”

This poem is cute and sweet, though you could make it more unique by using more original phrases, as opposed to phrases like “lock eyes again” or “your warm embrace”. If this is about a particular person, think about what is special about them to help you come up with more specific wording.
 
I Have Not Met Me Another:

Consider changing “know” in the first line to the past tense “knew”, to better show how the speaker changed when they met the subject of the poem

In line 6, change “go’s” to “goes”.

In line 9, “makeup” is one word.

In line 18, change “your” to “you’re”
Sorry I took so long.

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addictwithapenThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. replied...
May 28 at 10:13 am

@MakenzieLong I have commented on your piece.

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addictwithapenThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. replied...
May 28 at 10:18 am

@Izzy777
Remember to use consistent capitalization.
In the first line, change “of” to “off” and correct the spelling of because.
I would recommend changing "people may judge you" to "people are judging you". It makes the phrase stronger and more immediate.
I like the message of this poem. :) Sorry I took so long to review it.

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addictwithapenThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. replied...
May 28 at 10:30 am

@ambivalent
 
In line 18, consider changing “there’s” to “that there are”. Since “bruises” is plural, you would say “there are” instead of “there is”.
In the last line, i is lowercase, whereas throughout the rest of the poem it is capitalized. I assume the last i is a typo, but I am of the opinion that changing the other ones to lowercase as well would subtly emphasize the unimportance the speaker feels.
I love the imagery and metaphors in this poem, especially the ending image of the speaker sitting alone on the grass because there are only two swings.
Out of the ideas you gave, I personally like “two swings” best for the title.
Sorry it took me so long to respond.

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Consalvator replied...
Jun. 10 at 12:43 am

I @consalvator agree to be ok with honesty and stuff, cuz as an editor and writer with integrity we should always tell the truth.
 
TeenInk.com/poetry/free_verse/article/939552/An-Zeal/
 
Thanks <3

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Ana143 replied...
Jun. 14 at 2:58 pm

Your completely fine.....Thank you so much.

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EswzemThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. replied...
Jun. 15 at 4:11 pm

"I, eswzem, understand that the feedback I will receive is just one person's opinion, and I will take it with a grain of salt." TeenInk.com/forums?act=post&topic_id=16&thread_id=92152
If you could please review the poem in the link above, I'd really appreciate it. Thanks! ;)

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writerviolinist123 replied...
Jun. 21 at 3:53 pm

I, writerviolinist123, understand that the feedback I will receive is just one person's opinion, and I will take it with a grain of salt.
 
Here's the poem:
They once called us flowers
They said our skin was made of snowbells,
our lips were like lush petals kissed by the blood of an angel.
We were roses; we had thorns
that made us play hard-to-get.
The only thing we ever did
was giggle and smile.
We were perfect.
We were
perfect flower girls that turned heads as they walked through town
Perfect flower girls that were immune to any emotion besides happiness
Perfect flower girls that seemed like we couldn’t possibly be real.     
                                                
They said they would love us forever.
And with our whole hearts, we believed them.
 
But as the creases became more apparent
the cracks that came with our age erupted on our once smooth petals
as giggles were replaced with sighs and
smiles with looks of indifference
As happy mixed with confusion and sadness and questions…
 
They stopped calling us flowers.
 
And all of a sudden,
We were Monsters.
 
Forever
a word filled with such naive hope and promise,
became nothing more than another betrayal.
another vow they never kept,
another word they turned their back on.
We could only watch as they began to turn their backs on us, too.
 
For weeks on end, they disappeared.
Without the nourishment of their words to feed our starving stems
our petals turned crinkled shades of browns,
our leaves began to shrivel in starvation.
We were too weak to run away.
 
When they finally returned
and laid their eyes upon our decaying bodies
their faces became twisted with disgust.
Hate rose from their palms
anger boiled in their bones
We knew they had come back to attack.
 
As they began their assault,
we suffered silently.
we remembered
How their eyes were once silk
stroking our cheeks and cupping our faces
But no.
Their eyes were now knives tracing our every feature
criticizing our every freckle
making slashes on our cheeks too numerous to count.
Their words stabbed pain into our skin
until pain was all we were made of.
 
Tears from our eyes spurted out like the blood from our hearts
and for the first time, we were crying.
We were crying for the things we never realized,
the things we should have known.
Because
they loved us while we were flowers
while we were young
while we played games
while we had no weaknesses
while our only emotion was happy.
However, the moment we shed our semblance of perfection,
the moment we became real,
we became monsters.
We were nothing else.
There was nothing left of us but the ugly.
The ugly emotions
the wrinkles
The bruised hearts
the need for unconditional love.
 
They called us monsters.
 
But how could they have called us monsters,
when all we were finally becoming was human?
 
Thanks in advance! 

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21bmaliziaThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. replied...
Jul. 29 at 9:06 am

"I, Bryn, understand that the feedback I will receive is just one person's opinion, and I will take it with a grain of salt." Any of my poems would be nice.

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bo_olsenThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. replied...
Jul. 29 at 11:42 am

"I, Bo_Olsen, understand that the feedback I will recieve is just one person's opinion and I will take it with a grain of salt."
TeenInk.com/poetry/free_verse/article/961499/The-Mask/
 

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igobyamy replied...
Aug. 4 at 1:50 am

I, igobyamy, understand that the feedback I will receive is just one person's opinion, and I will take it with a grain of salt.
 
TeenInk.com/poetry/free_verse/article/962027/Plink/

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ThatQuietTeapot replied...
Aug. 4 at 5:21 pm

I, ThatQuietTeapot understand the feedback I will recieve is a on person's opinion and I will take it with a grain of salt.
 
That sinking feeling
You wake up.
You’re the same that last night.
You’re the same that last week,
Last month,
Last year.

But it doesn’t matter.
Because even though you’re the same,
You’re less than before.
Less confident,
Less happy,
Less alive,
Less.

Your words,
They’re vanishing.
Each letter slowly losing its power,
Losing its color,
Losing.
They become transparent,
Thin as air.
And you choke on them,
You choke on that terrible smoke.

But it doesn’t matter.
You’re the same.
You’re unimportant.
You’re voiceless.
And you believe them.

You wake up.

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addictwithapenThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. replied...
Aug. 5 at 12:34 pm

@Consalvator I have commented my feedback on your poem.

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addictwithapenThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. replied...
Aug. 5 at 12:48 pm

@Eswzem I have commented my feedback on the thread.

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addictwithapenThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. replied...
Aug. 5 at 1:37 pm

@writerviolinist123
This is a great poem! I just have a few tweaks. In the first stanza, the imagery of “the blood of an angel” is out of place. It seems violent, at least to me, since the first thing my mind went to is that the angel must have been injured to bleed. It doesn’t fit with the "pretty" and "sweet" imagery that makes up the rest of the stanza. The same goes for the phrase “we had thorns”, which makes me think of pain and things getting torn. It could be made less menacing by adding something like “we had thorns, but the worst they made us do was play hard-to-get”. Also, in the third-to-last line of the same stanza, you use “they” to refer to the flower girls, whom you’ve been calling “us” up until this point.
In the sixth stanza, consider adding a period or a colon (though I think a period would be best) after “Forever” to give it more emphasis; without one it seems like a run-on.
In the ninth stanza, I feel that “But no” could be removed, as the change in “them” is made clear by the following lines, and the “But no" just jars the reader out of the flow.
In the tenth line of the tenth stanza, “happy” would make more sense as “happiness”.
I love the imagery throughout this poem. You did well keeping the flower metaphor consistent but not tiring. The last two lines make a thought-provoking conclusion. Great work!

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addictwithapenThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. replied...
Aug. 5 at 2:02 pm

@21bmalizia I have commented on "Set Ablaze".

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