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Want Honest Feedback? Click Here.

addictwithapenThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. posted this thread...
Apr. 1 at 4:18 pm

Good day! I am a teen writer looking to sharpen my editing skills. As such, I would be delighted to offer honest, line-by-line feedback to anyone who wants it. But please be aware that when I say honest, I mean it. I am going to tell you what I really think of your poem. I'm not going to be "mean", but I'm not going to sugarcoat anything either.

If you would like feedback, please post these two things in a comment below:

1. The statement, "I, [username], understand that the feedback I will receive is just one person's opinion, and I will take it with a grain of salt." (Feel free to copy and paste that.)

2. Either paste the poem into the comment or paste the link if you have already posted it on Teen Ink.

I look forward to reading!

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tigerlilyorangeThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. replied...
Apr. 1 at 5:39 pm

id appreciate feedback on any of my writing... you can find it by clicking my usrname

thanks!

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JJ_LoneThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. replied...
Apr. 1 at 5:53 pm

I, JJ_Lone understand that the feedback I will recieve is just one person's opinion, and I will take it with a grain of salt.
 
Any of my poems will work just fine, if you could :D
Thanks

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addictwithapenThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. replied...
Apr. 1 at 6:21 pm

@tigerlilyorange I reviewed "dusk--4:30"
 
@JJ_Lone I will get right to yours.

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addictwithapenThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. replied...
Apr. 1 at 6:37 pm

@JJ_Lone I reviewed "Gossip"

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JJ_LoneThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. replied...
Apr. 2 at 2:24 am

Thank you so much. I shall fix the things you recommended

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warriorwritergrl77This teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. replied...
Apr. 2 at 9:18 am

I, warriorwritergrl,, understand that the feedback I will receive is just one person's opinion, and I will take it with a grain of salt." My poetry is fine, though if you have extra time I have short stories earlier in my pages. I would appreciate any! Thank you so much!

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definitionoflifeThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. replied...
Apr. 3 at 11:07 am

I, definitionoflife, understand that the feedback I will receive is just one person's opinion, and I will take it with a grain of salt.
Dear Friend
I know you, dear friend.
You walk through the hallways with your head down,
and sit in the back of the class and don't make a sound,
because you don't want to be thought of as a clown.
 
Dear friend, I know what most people don't know about you.
You go home at night and cry when no one is there
because you have convinced yourself that nobody cares,
so you keep quiet when they ask you to share.
 
I know, dear friend,
why you are so terribly thin.
You don't like living inside your own skin
and you believe that eating is a sin.
 
My dearest friend, I get it, I know.
You wear long sleeves that cover your arms
so that nobody can look at you and see your scars
that you yourself caused while you felt trapped behind bars.
 
Dear friend, I know how it feels.
You want to end this life
this one filled with strife.
You hate feeling like a lowlife.
 
Dear friend, I know.
You smile around your friends and family
because you don't want to show them the pain that is deep,
and because you love them, all your secrets you will keep.
 
I want to tell you something, my dear friend:
you may feel like nobody loves you
and nobody knows you - they don't have a clue,
but I want to tell you something, dearest friend: I do.
 
I know you, dear friend,
because I was you.
I truly wanted to die too,
but I managed to soldier through.
 
Dear friend, I know you,
and though you might think it's not true,
I care about you,
and I love you.
 
Dear friend, I get it, I know
How hard it is to find good friends
but I have some that will stick with me till the end.
With them, I won't break, even though I might bend.
 
Dear friend, trust me, I know
I've been in your place before,
but life is filled with open doors, 
and I know you'll find yours.
 
Please know, dear friend,
I believe in you,
you can find some more friends to help you too,
but until then, dear friend, just know, I'm always here for you. 

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extra-ordinary replied...
Apr. 3 at 3:23 pm

1. I, extra-ordinary, understand that the feedback I will recieve is just one person's opinion, and I will take it with a grain of salt.
2. invisible
i am sitting in my lunch room, i am invisible
i am not the invisible that no one sees

people see me

people do not look at me.


i am sitting in my class room, i am invisible

i am not the invisible that no one hears

people hear

people do not listen to me.


i am sitting in my lacrosse uniform, i am invisible,

i am not the invisible that no one acknowledges

people acknowledge me

people do not include me.


i am sitting in my room, i am invisible

i am not the invisible that no one cares

people care about me

people do not understand me.


i am invisible.
 

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addictwithapenThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. replied...
Apr. 6 at 9:03 am

Hey peeps! Sorry for the delay; I've been busy with school. I've finally gotten the chance to do some editing... because there's a tornado watch in my area and I'm staying home from school. So though I plan on getting through all the requests today, if a tornado comes through I'm probably gonna stop editing and hide in my closet. Wish me luck in not getting blown away :P
 
Also, a quick note. I know I said you can copy and paste your entire piece onto the thread to receive feedback, and you still can if you really need to. But I've found that it is A LOT easier for me to comment on a piece that is already posted on Teen Ink than to put your feedback in the thread where it can easily get lost among the posts. So please only copy and paste if you REALLY need to. (I will still review the pieces of those who have already copy and pasted, of course.)
 
Finally, here is the list of requests I've gotten, in the order I will complete them (order is based on the time requested). This includes requests from my post in the fiction forum too. If I missed you, please let me know!
 
@warriorwritergirl77

@Jtatsu

@definitionoflife

@extra-ordinary

@EzraErikEstrello

@spinnerofyarns

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addictwithapenThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. replied...
Apr. 6 at 9:56 am

@warriorwritergrl77 I have reviewed "Still Erasing..."

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thewarrior77This teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. replied...
Apr. 6 at 12:06 pm

thank you so much for you great and super helpful feedback! i will take it all into account! thank you again!

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addictwithapenThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. replied...
Apr. 6 at 3:44 pm

@definitionoflife Your poem is really sweet. Just a couple things I noticed: firstly, in all of your stanzas, the last word of the last three lines rhymes, except for stanza six. I would suggest changing the line that ends in “family” to something that rhymes with “deep” and “keep”, so as not to break the pattern. Also, in stanza 5, the rhyming of “strife” and “life” is a common coupling of words. There’s really nothing wrong with it, but I would suggest thinking of something else to rhyme with “life”. Finally, in stanza 7, you use a hyphen (-) where you  should have used an em dash (—). Hyphens only go inside hyphenated words, while em dashes are used to separate thoughts within sentences. You can obtain the em dash by pressing the ALT key and then 0151, if you are on Windows. If you’re not, you can easily look up how to do it on other systems.
Thanks for the opportunity to review your work. If you have any questions about my feedback, feel free to let me know.

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addictwithapenThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. replied...
Apr. 6 at 3:58 pm

@extra-ordinary I like the contrast between “seeing” and “looking” and so on. It makes the reader think about the true meaning of the words. In line 7, I would suggest adding “me” at the end so “people hear me” will be parallel with the third lines of the other stanzas. In the second stanza, classroom should be one word. In the first line of the third stanza I would remove the comma at the end, since none of the other stanzas have a comma there. Finally, in the second line of the fourth stanza, I would suggest adding “about” at the end.
 
Thank you for the opportunity to review your work. If you have any questions about my feedback, feel free to let me know.

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DewcollectorThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. replied...
Apr. 7 at 10:03 pm

I, Dewcollector, understand that the feedback I will receive is just one person's opinion, and I will take it with a grain of salt.
TeenInk.com/poetry/sonnet/article/948966/Births/
Thanks!

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addictwithapenThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. replied...
Apr. 8 at 9:33 am

@Dewcollector I have commented on your poem.

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mesmeres replied...
Apr. 12 at 2:13 pm

I, mesmeres, understand that the feedback I will receive is just one person's opinion, and I will take it with a grain of salt.
 
It'd be great if you could give me some feedback on my poem (link below)! Thank you so much :)
TeenInk.com/poetry/free_verse/article/949117/it-is-snowing-outside/

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addictwithapenThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. replied...
Apr. 12 at 7:29 pm

@mesmeres I have commented on your poem.

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addictwithapenThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. replied...
May 14 at 11:59 am

I'm still open to give feedback if anyone wants me to :)

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Ana143 replied...
May 14 at 10:59 pm

I, Ana143, understand that the feedback I will receive is just one person's opinion, and I will take it with a grain of salt.
 
I would like your feedback on these 3 poems and if you click on my username i have more poems if you have time to look at them please do. Thank you!
 
A Kind of Love
Their is so much to say

yet you can never speak

The beauty that you seek

is covered in May flowers

The heart you have picked

may surly start to tick

Together side by side we will lay

The trees and meadow will sway

Fears and anxiety will shrink

Joy and happiness will reap

 
next one...
 
How long will it be
How long will it be

till I see that face

that I love and adore
How long will it be

till we lock eyes again

I love looking into your eyes
How long will it be

till I feel your warm embrace

I miss you so very much
How long will it be

till we walk or

run side by side
How long will it be

till I can call you mine

an never leave your side

 
next one....
 
I Have Not Met Me Another
I know no true love till you

You are my light in the dark

Like a starry night sky
My dear (Name), you show me love like no other

You make me smile everyday

Even on my days were nothing go’s right
You say I look good even when

My hair is not brushed and

I have no make up on
I know no love is perfect

But ours is perfect enough

I have given you my heart and soul
I ask you to hold them close

For if I were to lose you

I don’t know what I would do
When you walk into a room all moods shift

Your hair falls just right

Your perfect my love
I love you!

 
 

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