Mock ESPN newscast using an illustration argument and targeting over analysis of sports.

Mo: Welcome to Sports Insider. I’m Mo Kingman alongside Bruce D’Sharnizinkter. Let’s take a look into today’s matchup between the Rhinos and the Lemurs.
Bruce: I really like the way that the Rhinos have been playing lately. They haven’t lost a game at home since the sun was shining over Tibet.
Mo: That’s very true, Bruce, but let’s not forget that Lemurs quarterback John Paul has not thrown an interception since triple-platinum recording artist Andy Grammer received a 47% on a trigonometry test his junior year of highschool. The Lemurs had a great game last week against the Dragons, winning in overtime with a last minute hail mary catch by Andre Davonte. Let’s take it to our on field reporter Linda Collins.
(recorded at an earlier time)
Linda: I’m here with game winner Andre Davonte. Andre, how does it feel to kick the game winning homerun in an epic game of sportball?
Andre: Well you know, we played a really good game you know, and you just have to execute you know…
Linda: I really enjoy the way you carry yourself on this field. I think the way a person plays football can show a lot about their character. It can really reveal all aspects of your life. Lets just say I can read your soul. I already know the answer to this but, would you say that you are a leader on this team?
Andre: I try to lead by example you know, execution you know, run, pass, you know…
Linda: Ok thanks for your time Andre.
Andre: You know.
Bruce: Andre Davonte has been playing very well this season and we expect to see a lot out of this young man. Let’s take a second to look at some of his stats this year:
76 receptions
12 red zone receptions
3 wedding receptions
17 cans of chicken noodle soup eaten
20 carries for 64 yards
4 acre yard behind house
5 touchdowns
Infinite hearts touched by his kindness
Bruce: Those are some really promising stats. I think he will prove to be a huge asset to this Lemurs offense. (Transition to new topic) Now, hang on, I want you to take a look at this picture for a second.

Bruce: Here we have Leonard Scott, in his pro-bowl gear. Check out those muscles!
Mo: Man I wish I looked like that! His bicep bands really give his arms definition and the color of that jersey brings it all home. The way he leans to the right side makes me feel like he has some emotional scars in his past
Bruce: Yeah Mo you’re definitely right about that. He’s carrying some major baggage and it’s weighing him down physically and mentally. That smoky visor really brings out his eyes. The whole outfit is just plain on point. Let’s not forget that Leonard holds the National League of Football record for most wives in 3 years with a whopping 18! He is definitely not practicing monogamy.
(quick transition)
Mo: It’s time, for our play (pause) of the week!

Bruce: A very well written up play this one is. The crossing routes on the left side obviously represent the x’s we experience in our society. The tailback and fullback are both going out to block which shows us that in the end, everyone will end up having to do the dirty work.
Mo: I’m seeing a play that not only will win you a football game, it will win you the game of life in many different ways.
(Conversation transition)
Bruce: After the Dino’s and Pirates game yesterday we caught up with coach Carlyle of the pirates and got some statements from him. Here it is Mo:
(Audio recording)
Carlyle: Our team suffered a very tough loss tonight and we will have trouble recovering which will most definitely take some time. I think we’ve shown a lot of capability throughout this season and will continue to grow into a championship team. We have a lot of young players and they just simply haven’t achieved their full potential, but when they do, this Pirate team will be unstoppable.
(Transition back into Bruce and Mo)
Mo: For those watching at home, if you don’t already know, the pirates were undefeated up until this point.
Bruce: Yeah Mo the Dino’s really took the underdog victory. What do you take of coach Carlyle’s words?
Mo: I think his rhetoric is really taking away from the true athletic ability of this team. They’re truly amazing and I don’t think he realizes it. He says that they haven’t achieved their full potential which would be hurtful words if I was a player on his team. When he stated: “we will have trouble recovering” I believe he was referring to rookie Carlos Adams stubbing his toe in the second quarter and it is reported that he will be out for 3 weeks.
Bruce: Boy is that a tough casualty for the Pirates. They will really miss Carlos in their defensive backfield. I’d like to go back to the Rhino’s and Lemurs game,  let’s get to it, who do you take to win the game Mo?
Mo: I think the Rhinos are gonna win this one, based on the simple fact that the Lemurs are straight trash.