HORACE, an older gentleman, is sitting on a train. He pulls out a pocket watch, puts it away upon seeing PETULA, a young, childlike woman. She gets on, takes a seat immediately next to him, though there are others available.

PETULA: Hello!

HORACE: Welcome aboard.

P: Thank you.

H: First time on the train?

P: Yes.

H: Nervous?

P: No!

H: Of course not.

P: The train isn’t even going anywhere.

H: Yes it is. We’re going to the Hoover Dam.

P: I mean it isn’t moving yet.

H: Really? It’s hard for me to tell these days.

P: My name is Petula.

H: My name is Horace.

P: Your name is funny.

H: So is yours. Are you alone, Petula?

P: Yes.

H: You’re not afraid to travel without your mother?

P: No, I’m with you!

H: You trust me?

P: Yes.

H: That’s a dangerous mistake.

(They lurch forward)

P: Oh! We’re moving now!

H: Interesting.

P: Still very slow though.

H: That’s how it goes.

(Enter NEWSBOY into their compartment.)

NEWSBOY: Breaking news! Andrew is having a birthday party and Mary lost a tooth!

(PETULA is deeply interested, HORACE unaffected. NEWSBOY exits.)

P: Amazing!

H: Perhaps.

P: Isn’t it incredible that humans lose their teeth?

H: No.

P: We’re picking up speed.

H: Good.

P: How long will it take us to get there?

H: That depends.

P: On what?

H: On how often you look out the window.

P: What do you mean?

H: The more you look out the window, the longer the ride will seem.

P: Mother says we’ll pass Las Vegas on the way.

H: Your mother is right.

P: When will we see it?

H: In time.

P: I can’t wait. I’m not going to take my eyes off the window for a second.

(NEWSBOY enters.)

NEWSBOY: Breaking news! Ally’s too sick to go to Matt’s Halloween party!

(Same reactions and quick exit as before.)

P: How sad!

H: Hmm.

P: Horace?

H: Hmm.

P: What do you think of the newsboy?

H: I think his headlines are boring.

P: But what do you think of him?

H: He’s punctual, I guess.

P: I think he’s wonderful. (Suddenly turning to face HORACE) I think he’s very cute, and I’m going to tell him.

H: No, you won’t.

P: I will! I like him!

H: You like him now.

P: I always will.

H: All right.

P: Horace?

H: Hmm.

P: When will I see Las Vegas?

H: You missed it.

P: What?

H: It already went by the window while you were blabbering about the stupid newsboy.

P: Oh.

H: Sorry.

P: Well how could I not have missed it? We’re going so fast.

H: Already? That’s strange.

(HORACE takes out his watch and puts it back. PETULA stands up to stretch.)

P: There’s not much to look at. When we first started there were so many interesting things to see out the window, and now there’s nothing.

H: I don’t remember you thinking it interesting.

P: It was. I’m sure of it.

H: Are you though?

P: It was so colorful.

H: What is it like now?

P: Drab. Blank. The interesting shops and towns are gone. Now it’s just trees, whizzing by.

H: I don’t think it was ever that interesting to begin with. I think you’re wrong.

(They lurch forward again, gaining speed. PETULA tries to regain her balance, then sits again but leaves one seat between them.)

P: Does this train make any other stops?

H: No.

P: The conductor must get very tired.

H: You believe in a conductor?

P: Yes, I think so. You don’t?

H: Trains are all run by electricity these days.

P: But someone’s in charge of making sure they all operate, right?

H: Maybe there used to be someone to do that. But now the trains run fine on their own.

P: Well, I still think there’s somebody making sure we’ll get to the dam.

H: Oh we’ll get there all right. Everybody does.

P: What do you mean?

H: Not single person I’ve ridden with hasn’t eventually gotten where they’re going.

P: Well, that’s a relief.

(NEWSBOY enters.)

NEWSBOY: Breaking news!

H: Oh, for Pete’s sake.

P: Shh!

NEWSBOY: Argentina has declared war on Mexico!

H: Ugh.

P: How can you not be interested in his headlines? They’ve all been so intriguing.

H: Perhaps to you.

P: I think they’re important.

H: I think they’re silly.

P: I think you’re wrong. You’re really starting to get on my nerves, you know.

H: I’m sorry to hear it.

P: Why do we keep going faster and faster?

H: Don’t you want to get to the dam on time?

P: Of course.

H: Then embrace it.

P: Something’s not right.

H: What’s wrong?

P: The train. It’s shaking.

H: Really?

P: We’re going too fast.

H: You’ve been saying that the whole time.

P: No, it’s serious. I think something is wrong.

H: Look out the window.

P: I can’t, it’s black. I think we entered a tunnel.

H: When did that happen?

P: I have no idea.

H: What do you hear?

P: The screeching of the wheels – you can’t hear it? I think the conductor’s trying to stop the train.

H: Why would he do that?

P: I don’t know! I’m not ready for the train to stop! We haven’t gotten to the Hoover Dam yet!

H: That is odd.

P: Wait, it’s getting brighter now.

H: Is it?

P: Yes. Oh, good. We must be leaving the tunnel. I really hate being in tunnels. I wonder when we’ll go by –

(An awful sound. The train comes to a violent, crashing halt. PETULA is thrown from her seat. Blackout. After a long pause, the lights come back up. PETULA is face-down on the floor, unmoving. HORACE is unaffected. Looking at her, he once again pulls out his stopwatch and clicks it audibly.)

End. F