ALICIA MARIE CALAHAN, M.D., PhD
CERTIFIED AMERICAN BOARD OF PSYCHIATRY
1065 PRECIPICE LN, HOUSTON TX 77019

Name:
Emily Davidson





Age: 23


Address: 3545 Chorus Drive, Humble TX 77318

Date: January 12, 2012

Rx: Zyprexa (Olanzipine)
Take two pills by mouth twice daily, once with breakfast and once with dinner. Drink a tall glass of water. Inhale deeply. Inhale again.
Before taking, eat. Not a lot. Enough to settle your stomach. Enough to weigh you down. Swallow the pills in one quick gulp. Hide them in your food if you can’t stomach them, their plastic blue heaviness in your palm. Grind them up and sprinkle them in your yogurt. Vanilla hides the taste well.
Stop taking immediately and consult a physician if you suffer from dizziness, headache, difficulty breathing or swallowing, sudden mood changes or if Mom calls you crazy again. Because you are not crazy. You are sick. This is what you tell yourself at night, when the sheets stick and the ceiling fan talks to you, this is what you tell yourself as you stare into the hot coils of the toaster, what you tell yourself as you label a bottle, this bottle, with the word ‘vitamins’ in blue sharpie.
To dispose of prescription bottle, bury in the garden beneath the Iris bush, where the cat can’t find it. When Aidan asks what you are doing, tell him you are planting new bulbs. Tell him the frost caused a lot of damage. Tell him you love him, because if he finds out about you, about the darkness in the mind that is not your mind, he will not believe you anymore. Tell him while he still trusts your words and while you still trust them. Kiss his hairline. Make him brownies. Hide the matches.
Stop taking and immediately seek medical attention if you experience numbness, difficult speech, or a widespread rash, as this may be evidence of a serious allergic reaction. You already know you are allergy prone. Dogs. Latex. Beech trees. Lately you have begun to suspect you are allergic to yourself. Your skin crawls, and sweat beads up between your shoulder blades in the dark. You fantasize about cutting off your hair, a foot, an ear. You dream of rearranging your pieces.
NOTE: This product is for use as part of a regimen and not for emergency treatment. If you experience a sudden worsening of symptoms or the emergence of suicidal thoughts, seek immediate medical attention from a licensed psychiatrist or call the suicide hotline
Or don’t. Pick up the phone and dial. Replace on the nightstand after two rings. Let the cat climb onto your lap in the stuffy dark and think about what it would be like to throw him. To snap his feline bones. Resist the urge. Shoo him away. Lean back against the headboard. Decide to survive until morning.
In case of overdose, contact emergency medical services, or call the poison control hotline. When the woman asks what type of substance you have ingested, tell her nothing. Tell her you are empty and pink and clean, and that you have not eaten anything for months, not your pills, not your yogurt, not your cat. Tell her that you are full of wires and that you can feel them swinging inside you. Tell her you can feel the sparks. Then hang up.
Lock yourself in the bathroom. Whisper Aidan’s name against the tiles. Wait for the spinning to stop.