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I kneeled down by my bed. Tears streaming down my face, I prayed. I prayed until I heard birds singing and saw sweet sunlight pour through my window. I made it through the night. The nightmares that plagued me were over.
I put on a nice top— a lavender blouse with a ruffle down the front.
After putting on my khaki pants, I grabbed my keys off the kitchen table and got in the car. I floored it, not thinking about the speed limit. I didn’t slow down until I could see the steeple.
I entered the church at a brisk walk. I went straight into the chapel and into the pew in the back, right corner. I said six Hail Mary’s and three Our Father’s. I didn’t look up when I heard rustling. I wanted nothing more than to tlak to God.
Someone gently laid a hand on my shoulder. I already knew who it was, but I still opened my eyes and turned towards him. “Good morning, Father John.”
“Samantha, dear, your eyes are red. Are you upset?”
I nodded, trying not to let the tears fall again. It was my fault. All of it. If only I had stayed home that night. “It’s about the crash.”
“We’ve discussed this before. You are not at fault, and now they are all with the Creator our Lord. Heaven is a much better place that we should look forward to seeing.”
“I know, but I miss them all. Think of what they could’ve contributed to this Earth. Tom, especially…” Saying his name did it. I excused myself for a moment and ran to the bathroom, which is hard in heels.
Once I composed myself, I went back into the chapel. Father John was lighting a candle. Probably for the four that died in the crash. “I miss them. I’m sorry.”
“You have every right to. We’re only human,” He assured me. He took my hands in his. “Just always remember that the Lord will shelter you no matter what. He will always be there to hold your hand and lead you through the bad times. And the good times. He is our anchor; his son the Lamb of God. Can you remember that?”
I nodded. I told him my nightmares of reliving the car accident. I begged my fiancé Tom to come with me to my sister’s party. Once we got there, my sister Jasmine ran out of drinks. So (along with her boyfriend Josh and her best friend Katrina) we went to get some more. Josh was driving. Another car, a pickup, skidded on some black ice and we collided. Jasmine went through the window and was found on the hood. Josh died still buckled. Katrina’s neck and back broke. My beloved Tom hit his head. He died from blood loss in the car a few minutes before an ambulance came; holding my hand all the while. I survived with a shattered rib cage and car on my cheek. Badly bruised. Nothing else.
“Why did I survive?”
“That is a question only the Lord can answer,” Father John turned towards the window and his eyes searched the sky. “Only he knows…”
“Talk about working in mysterious ways. I was the one with the least promise.”
“And the most to learn,” He interrupted before I could add anything. “You must love yourself in order to truly love God.”
“I do, it’s just sometimes when I think about why I’m still here… I’m just so confused.”
“We all wonder what our purpose in life is. I know yours will be great, for God gave you a second chance. Do not abuse it.”
“I won’t,” I swore not only to him, but to the Almighty Lord. I would spread His word and praise him. Even on my deathbed. I would never give up on God, for he will never give up on me.