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  • Fiction > Realistic Fiction
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    Yes, I’ve wet myself again. Well observed, on your part. But, I believe I am using the word correctly in saying “whatever”, or “big deal” as my grandchildren prefer. Yes, the study you find yourself in rather belies an incontinent man, for who would suspect that a man who owns so many ...
  • Fiction > All Fiction
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    As if by some gross hubris, the collective minds of a people across nations and cultures, do find some things which are themselves laudable and good, and decry those which are not. Foremost among this latter group do we find the humble flatulant, a universal communication which we all know and judg...
  • Fiction > All Fiction
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    Now here is something of immediate interest. I think it can be said, with no loss of veracity, that I am not devoted to my shoes. I think of them as no special member of my wardrobe, and I respect them as befits this rank. I give them no special status, like I do wines and mistresses, both of who...
  • Poetry > All Poetry
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    The nation busted The bowl was dusted And FDR was ready to roll The TVA The CCC He was always topping the polls Only feared Fear itself Franklin couldn’t go for a stroll Went to war Rocked some more And he lacked motor control Secret cripple No one knew He was always on the partrol...
  • Opinion > Entertainment / Celebrities
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    A quick survey of the work on TeenInk.com leaves me feeling down. How melancholy teen writers are. Page after page of angst-filled, angry, whiny drivel! The day I wrote this, for example, the most popular unpublished fiction piece was about a boy whose father had died. The story was ­decent, but th...
  • Fiction > All Fiction
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    Deus ex Machina is a sweet literary device. It allows you to completely change the outcome of the plot without having to give an explanation to justify the sudden alteration! All the best writers use it. Take, for instance, this triumphantly awesome example: "Quentin's mind raced wildly as his f...
  • Opinion > Social Issues / Civics
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    "Oh dear," you said to yourself on spying the title, "Here goes Alex, ragging on feminists again." But fear not! This is not my usual tirade! This concerns linguistics! Lately, I have noticed an unsettling argument coming from crotchety old women: They claim that the word woman is inherently sexi...
  • Nonfiction > All Nonfiction
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    Anticipatory Coarticulation and Complementary/Symmetrical Schizmogenesis: What’s It All About? I often find myself enjoying a light lunch at my high school when a fellow pupil asks me with all the audacity of a titmouse (for I am a very intimidating figure), one of two questions: “Alex, wh...

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