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The Curious Case of Benjamin Button
This movie truly moved me. And after I had watched it, cryed about it, and deeplt thought about it, I came to a very curious conclusion.
Every occurrence in your life, no matter how small or unnoticed, changes you. Every choice you make, every person you encounter, every word or sound you hear or create, causes you to change.
Most of these changes are subtle, and you are never aware that they left you a slightly different person. But then there are the things that have a bigger effect. That change the way see, feel, or even think.
The day could all of a sudden be a little brighter, or a song a little more meaningful. Or maybe, the change could be more defined, more important. I'm not saying that it is "life changing" but maybe, at least for a small chapter of our forever winding life story, we become someone else.
At this particular chapter of my life, I do believe myself to be a different person. Just lately, I feel changed somehow. Thinking in a way I know I have not thought before. Worrying about and hoping for things I know I have never crossed my mind before that instance.
I realized this New Years Eve, that no matter what you're going through, people are what matter, and they can take your troubles away in an instance, if only you would let them.
I realized as I lay in bed the other night, that the reason I've had trouble sleeping is because even in my own home, I never feel safe in the darkness. And it's not the darkness I fear, it's the unknown.
I realized that there are some things not meant to be read, even though we read them anyway. And that they change the way we see people. But also, what changed is the way we see the person they used to be, and it's the person they are now that matters,
I realized when my Gramsy passed away, that even the people full to the brim of life and of love, will leave one day, no matter how much we try to deny it. And that you have to cherish and get to know the people around you, because you never know what's going to happen next.
I realized that missing someone is normal, but takes up too much time. You can miss them, but you need to move on and find new people that will fill up your life so much with happiness and love, that you don't need to miss anyone, because the true people worth knowing are there with you.
I realized that there's no point on pineing over someone you know you can't have. Walking by them just to try and watch their eye, hoping that they will see you for you. Waiting and waiting...and always being dissapointed.
Last night, I saw something that changed me. Unlike so many changes that occur during a lifetime, this one I knew was there. I don't know how long it is going to last, and I don't know to what extent I have changed. Those things are meant to stay unknown. But I do know that by seeing that what I did, hearing each word and seeing each emotion, changed soothing inside of me.
I won't lie. I cried like a baby. I saw a movie called "The Curious Case of Benjamin Button." And oh, what a curiosity it was. In the beginning of the movie, I could help but think how strange and uninteresting the plot was, but as it progressed, the wheels in my mind began turning and turning and I saw myself as the main character, enduring all the obstacles that he did.
Maybe knowing that I would not have been as strong as him, or knowing that I would never want to live the life he lived, maybe that was what changed me. Maybe, I'll never know.
But I realized that as much as I would love to live forever, or be different from others, that I would lose things too precious to me. I realized that the people around me all have their story to tell. And each story is unique to itself. I realized that people matter more then my selfish wishes and I should take chances with them. I realized that I want to be unique too, as long as I don't leave too much behind.
I think however, that the one realization that had the most effect on me is that I don't want to be another person in the crowd anymore. I want to make a difference. I'm not saying that I want to completely change someone's whole life; I don't expect to be that important. But I just want to make a change. Maybe in something I write that someone reads or something I say that someone hears, or something I do that someone sees, or even something simpler as that. I just want to know that I have made a difference in someone's life, a difference that matters to them. I refuse to fade into the crowd.
As Benjamin Button said,
"For what it's worth, it's never too late, or in my case too early, to be whoever you want to be. There's no time limit... start whenever you want... you can change or stay the same. There are no rules to this thing. We can make the best or the worst of it. I hope you make the best of it. I hope you see things that stop you. I hope you feel things that you never felt before. I hope you meet people with a different point of view. I hope you live a life that you're proud of and if you find that you're not, I hope you have the strength to start all over again."