The Twilight Series by Stephenie Meyer

January 18, 2011
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Twilight. I love it. The sun is almost gone. The graying sky eases you into the coming night. For precious minutes you are held in that perfect medium, walking the line between dark and light.

What? Did you think I meant the books?

Now let me ask you something, have you actually read them? I’m going to assume a fair few of you haven’t. See how far they leeched into our society (that pun may be obscure enough to count a clever). And one of the things Twilight and its fellows have spawned is your probable assumption that I was talking about the books in that first paragraph. That’s one of the things that made me grow to hate the series.

When I first read Twilight, the mix of opposites it contained amazed me. Somehow I found it addictive and dull at the same time! It was probably Bella that bothered me. She always complained about every little thing. Yet, it was sweet. I liked the characters and how they interacted.

My feelings towards, what I now consider, those paper abominations, didn’t adore, but they were positive. The books were good. I have never been overly concerned with grammar and word choice. Generally the story out weighs how the book is written. A book must be truly atrocious for me to hate on the basis of execution.

Unlike other’s I know who have read the books, I think they got much better as they went. The fourth was my absolute favorite. Bella finally toughened up, and got some heart in her. My main disappointment in that one, was the ‘battle’.

All and all, I found Twilight pretty enjoyable. Then it became popular. My stomach started to heave every time I saw another knock off. The Team Edward and Team Jacob Facebook posts sprung up everywhere like some sickening disease.

Lets talk teams. What has our society come to, that we argue over whether a nonexistent vampire or a fake werewolf should go out with a girl who, lets face it, is a whining ninny who is cruel to the boys who (inexplicably) are enamored with her plain features and terrible personality? I don’t really care. It isn’t as if I can control it. I prefer to see whom the author will put with whom. Plus, if who dates Bella is decided by the fans, then neither fictional boys are meant for her. We just forced the poor (granted annoying) protagonist to eventually marry whichever boy we, personally, found more appealing. What about Bella? How come no one cares about her?

Most people don’t care about Bella because they don’t like the books. I don’t mean those who pride themselves as ‘Twilight Haters’. I am talking about your average fan. That’s right. I have observed that most who declare themselves as avid Twilight fans, don’t really like the books. They are just in it for reading about Edward and Jacob. All they want is a book where they vicariously are fawned over by supernatural-stalker-studs. This explains Bella’s lack of personality and complaining. What’s better than a book where you can go on and on about how terrible things are, then get to make out with a hot vampire? Or werewolf?

I like what Stephanie Meyer did with the fantastical beings in her stories. I think it’s inventive and ties together well. That is, excluding one thing. Sparkles. Great Gatsby! Where did that come from? Edward sparkles? I can understand the impracticality of Edward spontaneously combusting each time Bella and him went on a daytime date. But sparkling? Was that some mad pitch to make it the whole package? You get to be a jerk to everyone, they love you for it, and give you a cute vampire, so rich, he is literally made of diamonds.

Perhaps you can see how the books were ruined for me. Of course the real kicker about this was already mentioned. I’m just going to say that about 50% of those aware of twilight loathe it and 50% think it’s the coolest thing since sliced bread. In the ‘I Think It’s The Coolest Thing Since Sliced Bread Group’, or ITITCTSSBG, roughly 20% or more don’t actually care about the story and just want to read more about unrealistic men. Of the 30% left, approximately 20% think they like the story, but are just using Bella to vicariously date a vampire, which explains why they care so much about who she dates. 5% out of the remaining 10% are truly, deeply, horrifyingly, obsessed with Bella’s story, to the point that they want to make her decision for her because they are somehow more qualified.

Now you are thinking, stupid writer! There’s still 5% left! I know there is. That would be the group I used to belong to; those of us who are mildly in ITITCTSSBG, but only are because we liked the actual story, and not in a controlling, creeper-ish way. So, only 10% of the ITITCTSSBG actually like the books, and 5% are too controlling and don’t trust Bella to make her own choices. That leaves a good 90% who don’t actually like the story.

I would say tears filled my eyes when my love of the Twilight snapped it’s harness and fell into the rift, but they didn’t. It isn’t worth being part of ITITCTSSBG anymore. Edward loves Bella. Jacob loves Renesme. That’s that. Adios Twilight, I’m going to go read Looking For Alaska.





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