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Robbed of Innocence

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I was young when I thought the world was fun,
I knew Prince Charming would surely come,
I thought war was a game and didn’t murder with a gun,
I was innocent and no one was dumb,
no one would yet cause a scar across my heart,
to me no one died,
and I didn’t know love could tear apart,
and from no one was happiness disqualified,
I could say: “I forgive,
everything you have done,
and I let live,”
and I knew no reason to call 9-1-1,
childhood innocence can be robbed with a kiss,
and our unscarred hearts we do miss!




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Alon_Freevoice said...
Aug. 1, 2011 at 7:47 pm:
The only problem you have is the meter. Other than that, this is great!
 
JoPepperThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. replied...
Aug. 2, 2011 at 6:03 pm :
What do you mean by a meter? Thank so much!!!!!!!! :D
 
FreedomIsMyVirtue replied...
Aug. 2, 2011 at 6:14 pm :
A sonnet should follow iambic pentameter. Ten syllables in each line, that's what meter is. :))
 
JoPepperThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. replied...
Aug. 2, 2011 at 6:30 pm :
Oh okay thanks I wrote this based on a dictonary definition and looking at shakespeares Sonnet 130 Thank you :))
 
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Eirias said...
Aug. 1, 2011 at 7:46 pm:

The definition of a sonnet is: a poem of 14 lines with a strict rhyme scheme and specific structer. When I think of sonnet I think of a Shakespearian sonnet--14 lines, iambic pentameter; ABAB,CDCD,EFEF,GG rhyme scheme. This does not fit the definition of a sonnet. I am as yet unable to find whether you used iambs, trochees, dactyls, ect., but they DEFINATELY don't have the same amount of syllables.

 

Which isn't to say it's not good, but it's not a sonnet.

Keep it up... (more »)

 
JoPepperThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. replied...
Aug. 2, 2011 at 6:10 pm :
Ummmm  the dictionary said a sonnet had 13 lines, so I looked at one of shakespeare's Sonnet 130 and then went from there.  Sorry, but thanks for reading and I'll work on all of that! Thanks! :)
 
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ams98 said...
Aug. 1, 2011 at 7:46 pm:
This is my favortite poem of yours:) I love it:)))))) GREAT JOB!!
 
JoPepperThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. replied...
Aug. 2, 2011 at 6:18 pm :
Oh Really!!!!!!! Thanks so much!!! Is there anything of yours you'd like me to read? :))
 
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JerseyGirl716 said...
Aug. 1, 2011 at 7:43 pm:
Wow, this is SO good! Great job!
 
JoPepperThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. replied...
Aug. 2, 2011 at 6:19 pm :
Thanks alot!!!!!!! :))
 
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thetruthawaits94 This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Jul. 30, 2011 at 5:39 pm:
I like it but some of the rhymes seem a TINY bit forced. For example the died... love disqualified part and the forgive and let live. Just some constructive criticism. I love the theme of this poem! 
 
JoPepperThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. replied...
Jul. 31, 2011 at 2:16 pm :
Thank you so much I'll keep that in mind. Anything of yours you'd like me to read? :D
 
thetruthawaits94 This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. replied...
Jul. 31, 2011 at 9:43 pm :
Sure any of my four poems on the site would be nice. maybe the ocean waves to me or no matter how long you search for perfect, or never falling! Thank you so much!
 
JoPepperThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. replied...
Aug. 2, 2011 at 6:21 pm :
You're very welcome!!!! I'll read them as soon as I can!!! :D
 
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BrightBurningCampeadorThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Jul. 30, 2011 at 5:17 pm:
Beautiful. You rhyme well.
 
JoPepperThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. replied...
Jul. 31, 2011 at 4:04 pm :
Really! Thnks a whole bunch!!!!! Thank you soooo much!!!!!!!
 
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flawless200 said...
Jul. 30, 2011 at 4:43 pm:
This is a MASTERPIECE. Perfect. Keep Writing and Never Stop!!!!!!
 
JoPepperThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. replied...
Jul. 31, 2011 at 4:06 pm :
don't worry I won't stop!!!!!! Thnk you sooooooooo much!!!!!!!!! :D
 
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