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Him & Him

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Commandments stone on slave-prince mountain maul
Less pay rebuke from quiet burdens pained
Thy new deems obsolete hath heaven call
Weeping doves cast crimson, edicts inane
Virtuous bride veneer exalting fifth
Wed tender beguil’d hands dearth commonplace
Forsake poor ills cherishing dev’lish sift
Abstract His binding ring; expunge thy grace
Hath said adoration shall relish flaws
Perhaps claimed forth heeding His hail and beck
Yet so accept tragedies, tender claws
Vehement joys s’rrounding thy face and neck?
Discern, breed sheep, elude, lest He appease
Exist no truer words abode of these




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This article has 111 comments. Post your own!

noelleism said...
Mar. 1, 2010 at 8:28 pm:
I would very highly regard your opinion on my work, This way may be hard, And, In this world, in this life.
 
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flyinghigh said...
Feb. 27, 2010 at 2:59 pm:
you are truly a fantastic writer. at first, i was a bit lost with the message, but during the second & third readings, it clicked. this does not sound like a teen's writing... you are clearly wise beyond your years. beautiful!
 
electrichearts replied...
Feb. 27, 2010 at 3:16 pm :
Thank you for your feedback.
 
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breakfree said...
Feb. 27, 2010 at 11:52 am:
awesome sonnet I realy did'nt get it at first but then I read your side post and it all fell into place.
 
electrichearts replied...
Feb. 27, 2010 at 3:06 pm :
Thanks! I tried to clarify as it I figured the message could be a little tricky.
 
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noelleism said...
Feb. 23, 2010 at 8:55 am:
Um...There's two Hims', Is the second God?
 
electrichearts replied...
Feb. 27, 2010 at 3:04 pm :
The first 'him' is the husband and the second is God.
 
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noelleism said...
Feb. 23, 2010 at 8:52 am:
By the way, you really know what a sonnet is. Your the fist sonnet I've read in the sonnet section
 
electrichearts replied...
Feb. 27, 2010 at 3:05 pm :
Haha, I know. 95% of pieces in the sonnets section are not sonnets. lol
 
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noelleism said...
Feb. 23, 2010 at 8:48 am:
Do you believe in God?
Is this truely your original work?
How old are you?
Your work is just so good.
 
electrichearts replied...
Feb. 27, 2010 at 3:03 pm :
1. Yes, I do believe in God (I'm Episcopalian).
2. Yes, this is my original work.
3. I am 15.
& Thank you! <3
 
Cookie.K replied...
Sept. 6, 2012 at 10:06 pm :
I personally can't relate to it on any level because the old english is a little hard to understand, but nonetheless this is beautiful and well constructed! don't stop writitng~
 
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noelleism said...
Feb. 23, 2010 at 8:32 am:
Are you a guy? well...awesome poetry. I've been on teen ink for a While and I've never read anything like this. Your way of wording...O.M.G. Your Incredible. How long did it take you to right this? I can totaly tell you've read Shakespeare. Love your effect. deffinatly keep writeing and don't ever let anyone disscourage you. :)
 
electrichearts replied...
Feb. 27, 2010 at 3:02 pm :
Thank you for all the compliments! They mean so much. Regarding your questions, I am a girl and it took me about 40 minutes to write this. Shakespeare is one of my favorites. Thanks again! :)
 
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thehafeisawake said...
Feb. 22, 2010 at 6:34 pm:
This is excellent. Your writing tone is just like my cousin's, which rings true to an almost Elizabethan-era sound. I like it; it appeals to the more classical side of my taste.
 
electrichearts replied...
Feb. 27, 2010 at 3:08 pm :
Thanks for the compliment! I tried to keep it Shakespearean. :)
 
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christaguide said...
Feb. 20, 2010 at 12:28 pm:
I would've guessed Shakespeare had composed this. Stellar, honey ;)
 
electrichearts replied...
Feb. 28, 2010 at 8:14 pm :
Thank you for your kind words.
 
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Inked said...
Feb. 19, 2010 at 4:44 pm:
this is a truly beautiful poem! my compliments to the gifted writer <3
 
electrichearts replied...
Feb. 28, 2010 at 8:15 pm :
my compliments to the kind reviewer <3
 
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