Unsteady

March 7, 2017
By Thisisreal_life PLATINUM, Manhattan, Kansas
Thisisreal_life PLATINUM, Manhattan, Kansas
48 articles 3 photos 69 comments

Favorite Quote:
"so do it. Decide. Is this the person you want to be? Is this the life you want to live? Is this the best you can be?"
"I survived the fire because the fire within me burns brighter than the one around me"


go, go, go on,

go leave me,

when I'm a little unsteady,

a little unsteady.

mama,

she left,

no approach,

disappeared.

daddy, I'm alone,

this house never felt like home

you don't love me,

you let go

you don't love me,

you let go.

you don't love me,

you let go,

when I felt lost,

helpless,

unsteady.

go, go, go on,

go leave me

because i'm a little unsteady

a little unsteady

mother, I know,

that you're tired of being my mom

dad I know your trying

to fly because I feel like dying

you don't love me you let go

you don't love me you let go

go,go

go on

go leave me

when im going unsteady

going unsteady


The author's comments:

This song has the most impact if you listen to a kareoke version of unsteady by the X ambassadors and use these lyrics


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This article has 5 comments.


on Apr. 14 2017 at 2:51 pm
makeupartist16 BRONZE, Johnson City, Tennessee
4 articles 0 photos 12 comments
I like the emotion you put into. The repetition of 'go,go,go on' is great, but some of the repetitious phrases could be edited. It is more of a stylistic preference. You also add some lines about how it feels to be unsteady. You say why you feel unsteady,but you never elaborate on what that feeling is. overall, great job!

on Mar. 16 2017 at 10:50 am
Thisisreal_life PLATINUM, Manhattan, Kansas
48 articles 3 photos 69 comments

Favorite Quote:
"so do it. Decide. Is this the person you want to be? Is this the life you want to live? Is this the best you can be?"
"I survived the fire because the fire within me burns brighter than the one around me"

@ tigerlilyorange I have edited this poem. i hope you enjoy the newer version when it comes out. thanks so much for your feed back! that is the type i am looking for!!!!

on Mar. 16 2017 at 10:49 am
Thisisreal_life PLATINUM, Manhattan, Kansas
48 articles 3 photos 69 comments

Favorite Quote:
"so do it. Decide. Is this the person you want to be? Is this the life you want to live? Is this the best you can be?"
"I survived the fire because the fire within me burns brighter than the one around me"

!!!!!!!!!!!

on Mar. 15 2017 at 8:28 pm
Thisisreal_life PLATINUM, Manhattan, Kansas
48 articles 3 photos 69 comments

Favorite Quote:
"so do it. Decide. Is this the person you want to be? Is this the life you want to live? Is this the best you can be?"
"I survived the fire because the fire within me burns brighter than the one around me"

Wow... Thank you for the great critique and feedback. I will definitely work in that. Thanks so much!!!

on Mar. 14 2017 at 6:46 pm
tigerlilyorange SILVER, Lexington, Massachusetts
6 articles 2 photos 15 comments

Favorite Quote:
Whatever you can do or dream you can, begin it. Boldness has genius, power, and magic in it. Goethe

You said in the forum you wanted some critique... Just a few technicalities first: you spelled you're wrong as your. Also sometimes you capitalize and sometimes not. I think you could make it more powerful if you didn't, as that is how most of the poem is written. I like the repetition of go go on, but it varies how you say it. Maybe consider having one phrase you consistently bring back. Also, it is a little unclear as to what you mean by "unsteady." Maybe put in a line or two describing why you need them so much, even though you are telling them to go on.


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