Can Anyone Hear Me?

August 12, 2012
By TinyTiglet96 BRONZE, Coatesville, Pennsylvania
TinyTiglet96 BRONZE, Coatesville, Pennsylvania
1 article 1 photo 4 comments

Favorite Quote:
Try,Try again.


Can anyone hear me?
Can anyone see me?
The feelin' of bein' alone.
A child wit no home.

A timid little girl.
Afraid of the world.
Not knowin' where to stand.
Searchin' for a helpin' hand.

Unable to see.
The reason in me.
a fight to the end.
Never knowin' who's around the bend.


The author's comments:
I want people to get a Langston Hughes kind of feel from my piece.
The inspiration came to me from looking within myself and how I truly felt about myself.

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This article has 2 comments.


on Aug. 15 2012 at 6:06 pm
TinyTiglet96 BRONZE, Coatesville, Pennsylvania
1 article 1 photo 4 comments

Favorite Quote:
Try,Try again.

Thanks for the feedback  

on Aug. 14 2012 at 3:52 pm
LadyFreeWill GOLD, Okemos, Michigan
13 articles 0 photos 14 comments
  Hey there,  Your poem starts out nice, although I suggest working on punctuation. Ex: “The feelin’ of bein’ alone;/ A child wit’ no home.” <== In this case, you should insert a semicolon after the third line, since you leave the sentence incomplete with a period. The misuse of periods is a common problem throughout this piece, mostly commonly found as a wrongful substitute of commas. In the fourth line, you’d want to add an apostrophe after the ‘wit’ to show that you’re not just making a typo, but that the narrator is purposefully saying the word ‘with’ without the ‘-th’ sound at the end.  The second stanza was alright (but work on the punctuation here; make the words flow, don't create choppy phrases with all those periods.), but the third and last stanza left something to be desired. It was like you hadn't quite finished expressing the entire idea. Many people write about forgotten/lost children in broken homes. I was hoping you might break the cliche a little and extend the poem -there's a lot of hidden potential here -but that wasn't the case.  I give this poem a 2.5/5.


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